


Ace of Spades

by Lost_And_Longing



Series: Ace of Spades [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter, Hunter x Hunter (2011)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hunter Exam, Illumi's needles, Reader is bad-ass, Slow Build, Slow Burn, teen Hisoka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-09-09 17:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 76,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8904688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lost_And_Longing/pseuds/Lost_And_Longing
Summary: They'd grown up together. Then he'd lost, had lost something unimaginable, and then she lost something, too, the day he disappeared and never came back. In the years after losing him, she'd become someone different, someone stronger. And she will no longer be weak.Five years after losing Hisoka, she decides to take the Hunter Exam, and once there, she meets new friends Gon, Killua, Leorio, and Kurapika, as well as a mysterious, eerily familiar card-wielding psychopath known only as Esu. Who is this man, and why is he showing so much interest in her?





	1. Ace

Number 378.

As she enters the room, she's given a tag with that number. The creature that gave it to her tells her to make sure she wears it at all times and to take care she doesn't lose it; she nods and puts it on, stepping away from the creature and examining the room. 

The first thing she notices is, of course, the sheer number of people. Obviously, as she's the 378th person to enter, there are 377 other people, but somehow it feels more like 3770. She's never much liked crowds of people- indeed, she'd been hoping less than a hundred people would be smart enough to make it to the exam, but she'd obviously underestimated them. 

Oh well. They'd be gone soon enough, she supposes. There aren't many who seem strong or smart enough to even get past the third phase, according to what she's heard of previous exams.

"Hello!" A middle-aged man comes over with a grin and a can of juice. "Are you new here?" 

She's instantly suspicious. The Hunter Exam wasn't exactly a cakewalk to get into, nor will it be anything but difficult to complete. Even as she looks at him, she senses something sinister behind his smile and, seconds later, recognizes it. Acts innocent but is anything but; he's a rookie crusher. 

"Yes," she says, giving him a sweetly innocent smile in return. "What's your name?" 

"Tonpa! What's yours?" 

She hesitates for a fraction of a second and tries to pass it off by looking at his tag (#16). "You can call me Silent, Si for short." She chose that name five years ago, for a very specific reason. There are a lot of things she wishes to silence, after all. 

"Cool, nice to meet you, Si!" he offers a can of juice. "Let's have a toast to our friendship!" 

Her eyes narrow the slightest bit. She has no doubt there's poison in that can, but...

Well, let's just say she needs to start building up a tolerance for poison at some point, right? There's a very special thing she needs poison immunity for. So she smiles and grabs the can, thanking Tonpa. As she opens it, Tonpa's innocent mask slips for the briefest instant, becoming a sinister smile. She swallows a tiny sip, staring grimly at his departing back. That's what she thought; rookie crusher. She hopes he dies painfully this exam. 

"Number 399." The same green humanoid that'd given her her own tag now reaches up to hand one to some nondescript girl. Si forgets the girl's face the moment she looks away, turning around to scan the room. She instantly picks out her competition, eyebrows raising when she realizes only a handful of people are Nen users. 

First, there are several older men, clearly competent martial artists. Only one of them glows white, however, and it's unstable enough she knows his Nen is of little use. The next people she locks her eyes on are a group of three men, most likely brothers from the similarity in facial features. None of them know Nen.

A powerfully built ninja is next; she senses his vast power and strength even all the way across the room. She's not sure if it's fortunate or unfortunate that no Nen shrouds his body; with Nen, the powerfully built man would be dangerous indeed. 

A strange, mechanical man with pins sticking in his face catches her interest next, and it holds. His aura is immense and holds a strange energy that makes her wary. Just seeing him instinctively makes her want to cringe away, but she forces it back. 

"Numbers 403, 404, 405," the little green guy calls out, handing each newcomer their respective badges. 

She tilts her head, interest shifting over to them. #405 is a mere child, and #404 looks to be no older than sixteen or seventeen; #403, at least, seems to be close to his twenties. She wonders how a kid as young as #405 could've gotten in and briefly wonders if it was due to the other two applicant's efforts, before dismissing the idea. The way #404 and #403 treat him clearly suggest they see him as an equal; if that is so, then #405 must be a child prodigy. 

She mentally adds him to the list of people to watch out for before returning to her scan of the room. The next interesting applicant she finds seems to be around the same age as #405, a white-haired boy with a tag that says #99. Like the three newcomers, he has no Nen, but the way he stands seems to imply he has some kind of power. She'd do best to be wary of #99, as well. 

"AHHHHH!" 

She spins, already preparing for a fight, but the only thing she sees is a man writhing on the ground, arms slowly disintegrating into flower petals. 

_What?_

As people begin to step away from the afflicted man, they form a circle, enclosing the injured man together with a tall, pale one.

"Oh, how peculiar," the pale one drawls, eyes coldly amused. "His arms seem to have become flower petals."  _No shit,_ the girl thinks, eyes strangely drawn to him. For an instant, something about his smile seems familiar, but she ignores it. 

"No smoke and mirrors here," Pale Guy continues, "Do take care. When you bump into someone, you really should apologize." 

For the first time, she allows fear to well up inside her. This guy's Nen is strong- far stronger than hers, equal to the mechanical pin-guy. And what makes him scarier is the cruelty he seems to have no problem showing. At least pin-guy seems content to watch and listen; this one only wants to kill. 

"That psychopath is back again," she hears Tonpa say nearby. Immediately she turns to him and edges closer; as a rookie crusher, Tonpa must've been here for many years. It's likely he knows valuable information that could come in handy should she ever get on the pale guy's bad side. 

"Again?" asks #405. 

"Does that mean he took last year's exam?" #404 adds, seemingly much calmer than over half the room. For a kid, #404 definitely seems mentally strong. 

"#44. Esu, the magician. They say he's named 'ace' after the ace card, but no one knows for certain." She edges closer until she's practically inches from the little group, waiting for Tonpa's next words. "He would've passed last year's exam if he hadn't attempted to kill an examiner he didn't like. It disqualified him for that year, but now he's back again." 

Fear returns, stronger now. Examiners are not easy to kill by any means; first class Hunters are the only ones chosen to become examiners, and each one of them is at least moderately efficient in Nen. That Esu decided to try and kill an examiner just because he felt like it...

"And they let him!?" #403 explodes, looking horrified. 

"Calm down, kid." She steps closer, arms crossed. "The Hunter Exam changes every year, depending on who's in charge. If the right- or perhaps a better choice of words would be wrong- people are in charge, anyone can pass. Including that psychopath." 

"Were you there last year, too?" #405 asks, extending his hand. "I'm Gon." 

She shakes her head. "No, but I know enough about the exam to know how much it changes each year." She takes the kid's hand and shakes it, eyes widening a little at the strength of his hand- she almost has to use Ryu to keep it from being crushed. "You can call me Si." 

"I'm Kurapika." 

"Leorio." 

She nods politely, unwilling to offer her hand again in case one of them has a grip just as strong as Gon's. 

"Now that we're all introduced..." Tonpa grabs more juice, holding it out. "Who wants one?" 

"Me!" 

"I do!" 

"Sure." 

She stays silent, eyes flicking over to the three kids as she carefully lifts her own juice to her lips and lets another tiny sip past her throat. Although she wouldn't necessarily wish misfortune on another person she has no ill feelings about, she does admit she's curious to know how they'll react to it; she's already partially immune to several different poisons, but even her stomach already feels vaguely unsettled from her first sip. 

 _Well, if they're naive enough to accept help from a stranger, they had it coming,_ she decides. She watches, expressionless, as they open the juice cans and tilt their heads back, gulping...

Gon spits it out. "Tonpa-san, this juice must've expired. It tastes funny." 

Without hesitation, Kura-whatever-his-name-is and #403 spit out their own juice, pouring the rest of it out.  _Interesting._ She admires how Gon has clearly already won their respect, and also the boy's apparently superb senses. She tasted absolutely nothing weird in the juice, and for Kura-something and #403 to spit it out only after Gon did, they must've not, either.

"Really? I-I'm very sorry! I didn't realize the juice had gone bad!" 

"It's okay, you don't have to apologize," Gon says sweetly, naive innocence shining brighter than Christmas lights. "Is your stomach okay, Tonpa-san?" 

"Y-Yes, I'm fine." But yet he'd drunk some of it, too; he must keep a different set of un-poisoned juice for himself, or perhaps he's built up a tolerance to it. 

"I've sampled all kinds of mountain grasses and plants, so I can usually taste it when something's bad. It's a good thing you didn't drink too much, or you would've been in trouble!" 

"Really? That's good to know." Tonpa looks like he could curdle milk. Unbidden, a laugh comes to her that she hastily chokes out into a cough. Kura-something glances over at her, a tiny quirk moving his own lips up. "I'm really very sorry, it won't happen again. I'll see you guys later!" 

Gon waves good-bye, before turning to her. "So, Si-san-" 

"No need for formalities," she cuts in, her smile almost genuine as she looks down at Gon, "You can just call me Si. Same goes for all of you. I'm not  _that_ old." 

"Leorio's obviously younger than you, yet he still wanted to be called Leorio-san," Kura-something mutters, causing her lips to curl up. 

"You weren't respecting me!" 

"You weren't respecting  _me!"_

Gon looks over at her sheepishly as the two bicker. "Sorry, they're always like this." 

"No, it's quite alright. It's been awhile since I've been around people who are close enough to even do that without trying to kill each other." 

Gon's eyes widen. "Really?" 

"Yeah." She gives him a rueful smile. "Generally, the only fights I'm around these days are-" 

She's cut off by a loud and, frankly, obnoxious ringing sound. When she looks around, a tall, strange-looking man (like that's much of a descriptor anymore considering Esu and pin-guy) is there, holding what she assumes to be the source of the alarm. "I apologize for the wait."

 

* * *

 

_"Hey, Hisoka."_

_"Y/N," he greets. "You're here unusually early. It's not like you to get to school any sooner than five minutes before bell."_

_She scratches her head a little awkwardly. If it were anyone other than Hisoka, knowing he watches her would be flattering; knowing him, though, he was probably only watching her because he was bored. "Uhm, I just happened to wake up and couldn't go back to sleep, so I thought I might as well just get ready to go earlier than normal."_

_Hisoka tilts his head and considers a moment, before laughing the smallest bit. "Liar. You wanted to come here for a reason. Might as well spill; we have plenty of time."_

_Her face heats up a little, partially from the boy's intense gaze and partially from embarrassment._ Just do it,  _she tells herself, and clears her throat._

_"Actually, I, um, was wondering..."_

_"Hm?"_

_She's practically burning up from embarrassment. If Hisoka's inevitable rejection doesn't end her, the heat in her face is probably enough to fry her brain up. "I, uh, well..."_

_"Don't leave me in suspense," he teases, throwing her a sultry grin.  
_

_"Go out with me!" she blurts, shoving a hand over her mouth in horror as soon as she does so. Hisoka raises an eyebrow; out of all the things he'd expected, she guesses that was not one of them. After all, Hisoka's insanely popular, at least with the girls- there's no way he'd even be interested in a friend like her. "Not- not like that," she hastily amends. "I don't want you to date me- I mean, I wouldn't be averse to that but- oh God what am I saying just-" she takes a deep breath. "This is pathetic, but I need you to pretend to be my friend."_

_Hisoka's eyes widen, ever so slightly, then narrow. She expects him to start laughing, but he just watches her, eyes calculating. "Why me?" He asks. "You could ask anyone in this entire school; why me?"_

_She sighs, looking down. "Out of everyone in this stupid building, I've a feeling you can pull it off best. And I've heard enough about you to know you like making deals."_

_She holds her breath, waiting for a reaction, a response, maybe a punch in the face. Instead, he starts laughing._ It's remarkably low for a boy that's only sixteen, _she notes absently, yet she feels a little offended when his laughter continues for a few more seconds. "Here I thought you were going to ask me to pretend to date you, maybe to get someone jealous. I've never been asked to pretend to be someone's friend before, I have to admit."_

_"So you're saying people have asked you to pretend to be their boyfriend before?" She asks before she can stop herself._

_Hisoka grins. "Maybe, maybe not. But about your proposal..." his eyes narrow. "What will you give me in return?"_

_"What do you want?" Even though she'd expected that he'd want something, she hadn't been able to figure out exactly what the something was. She curses herself for not thinking harder; Hisoka might only be sixteen, but he's easily as cunning as a full-grown man in his twenties. Even though she's yet to see him actively try to ruin someone's life, exposing any kind of weakness is downright stupid._

_He makes a considering noise in the back of his throat, eyes slowly scanning over her, appraising. "Nothing, at the moment," he decides. "But you'll owe me one in the future...what do you say?"_

_The idea of being in debt to someone irks her, but, for her mom... "Okay."_

 

60 miles down, who knows how many more to go. 

Really, she should not have neglected her physical training as long as she did. Her teacher had been far too lenient with her for far too long; lack of discipline had made her not want to discipline herself, so consequently she's now out of shape. 

 _If this continues for too much longer, I'll have to use my special ability,_ she realizes, scowling. Although the use of Nen is forbidden when done in front of an unknowing audience (nice job breaking the rules, Esu), her ability's only quality is restoring energy and healing cuts, bruises, and, occasionally, a severed limb or two, so theoretically, no one would know as long as she's quiet. 

With a sigh, she summons her aura and says, "Fountain of Life!"

Instantly, she feels better, the Hatsu restoring her energy. With her newfound strength, she's able to practically run abreast of Gon and his new friend, #99, but she knows that now she's only running on borrowed energy. The Hatsu ability itself takes energy to cast; the net gain wasn't much, but it should be enough to at least get her into stage two. Who knows what'll happen after that. 

"Hey, Si! You're joining us?" 

"I thought I'd give it a go." 

Gon grins. "Cool! This is Killua. Killua, this is Si." 

Killua only nods coolly, icy eyes locked with her own, and that's when she realizes exactly who he is. Ice-blue eyes and white hair, combined with skin as pale as snow and an aura of death- he's a Zoldyck, through and through. 

"Nice to meet you, Killua." 

"Yeah." 

"Hey, wanna race?" Gon asks, surprising her when his eyes lock first with Killua, then with her. "Loser buys everyone dinner!" 

"Wait, me too?" She asks, surprised despite herself.

"What are you, an idiot?" Killua asks coldly.

Anger surges but she pushes it down, knowing it would do her no good to pick a fight with Killua now. Instead, she decides to swing to the other extreme- make him uncomfortable by her vulnerability. "Well, I'm not really used to being included in things, you see, so it came as a bit of a surprise." 

Killua blinks, looking thrown for a second as though he'd experienced the exact same thing. It's likely, seeing as he was raised in a family of assassins. "Well, I'm in," the white-haired boy declares, ignoring her.

She sighs, already knowing she'll be the loser. "I'm in too, then." 

 

* * *

 

"I WIN!" 

Gon and Killua charge through the door, neck and neck, both yelling, and her eyes narrow. There's no way she's giving up that easily. She summons the last of her strength and jumps, sending a flying kick to each of the boys' legs as she vaults over the top of their falling bodies. 

"No,  _I_ win," she proclaims as she turns around, watching with a smug smirk as the boys pick themselves up, groaning.

"That was dirty!" Gon complains, dusting himself off. "We weren't expecting that!" 

"Then that's your fault. You should always expect an attack at every moment." 

She sees Killua's expression change, then; the frustration and fury he'd sported mere seconds ago fades into consideration and agreement. "She's right, Gon. We should be more vigilant. Who knows who might try to attack us when our guard is down." 

"Well, when you put it that way..." Gon mumbles. "Does that mean we both have to buy you dinner, then?" 

She shakes her head, then considers a moment. It feels almost like she's taking advantage of them by forcing a bunch of twelve-year-olds to buy her food, but these kids are anything but ordinary. "I'm not sure if there's even going to be an opportunity to buy food in this exam," she says slowly. "But even if there is, don't worry; I did trick you, after all. I'd rather you spent your money on something for yourselves." 

"Aw, you're so nice, Si!" Gon grins. Somehow, his innocence makes him look younger than he is; she supposes that it should make her underestimate him, but she already knows better. No normal kid could've just run over sixty miles and still look perfectly fine. 

"Not really. I'm just practical." She looks over, examining them once more. "Why do you want to become Hunters?" 

"That seems to be a really popular question," Killua observes, frowning at his hands. "But I guess I trust you enough to tell you. I got bored and thought I'd give it a go."  _Because that's such a big secret,_ she thinks, rolling her eyes. 

"My dad's a Hunter," Gon explains next, "So I wanna become one to find him. What about you, Si?" 

She shrugs, fighting to keep the pain and darkness out of her eyes. She doesn't want to scare Gon. "In a world with so many injustices, there needs to be someone who can right them. Hunters are, arguably, one of the most powerful orders in the world. If I join them, I have a chance to mete out justice to those who deserve it." 

Killua and Gon both look at her, the former considering, the latter awed. "That's so cool, Si! You're a lot like Kurapika." 

So that's what the golden-haired one's name is. Kurapika. "Hey, Satotz-san," Gon continues, looking over at the examiner, "Is this were the exam's second phase is?" 

"No, we still have quite a ways to go." 

"Oh." Gon turns back around, crestfallen, as Satotz strides past them, partially fading into the surrounding fog. 

Several minutes pass with minimal small-talk; even Gon doesn't say much, most likely trying to preserve his strength. Applicants slowly begin to trickle in, almost all of them panting and several of them passing out within seconds of their arrival. After a few more minutes, #403 and Kurapika join them. The older one is obviously on the verge of collapse, bare-chested and soaked in sweat, but Kurapika seems perfectly fine, just winded. It's vaguely amusing how, out of all five of them, it's the youngest ones who are in the best shape. Well, not including her, that is.

"Hey, Kurapika!" Gon chirps, waving the boy over. 

"Is this our destination?" 

"No, it isn't." 

"I see." Unlike Gon, Kurapika's disappointment doesn't show on his face; instead, he merely looks around. Probably counting to see how many people made it through the tunnel. "The fog is fading." 

"Really?"  _Honestly,_ she thinks,  _Gon is not the brightest kid._ She'd noticed the fog beginning to fade almost a minute ago. Although she guesses comparing herself to a kid, even a talented one, is probably not the most fair of comparisons, Killua doesn't look at all fazed, either; he must've noticed it about the same time she had. 

"The Numere Wetlands, also known as Swindler's Swamp." Satotz's distinct voice comes through the fog. "We must cross these wetlands to reach Phase Two of the exam. This place is home to many bizarre animals, many of them cunning and insatiable, fully capable of deceiving and preying on humans. Be very careful." 

He slowly turns around and his aura darkens, eyes expressionless as he says, "If you let them fool you, you're dead." As if on cue, the door leading to the tunnel shuts with a clang. "These creatures will use every trick in the book to fool their prey. An ecosystem in which creatures obtain food through deceit...Hence the name, Swindler's Swamp. Stay very close to me so you won't be deceived." 

For a moment, no one speaks. She looks around, carefully gauging each person's reaction. Almost everyone seems nervous, or at least wary, but then her eyes flick to Esu and he only seems amused. Figures. With Nen as strong as that, she doubts anything scares him. 

"What a joke," #403 declares, a contemptuous look in his eyes. "How can they fool us when we're expecting it?" 

 _Just you wait,_ she thinks.  _In a place like this, I'm sure there are more ways than an idiot like you can count._

"Don't let them fool you!" 

"I just said they can't," #403 snaps, glaring in the direction of the voice.

A panicked, bloodied man slowly steps into view, glaring back at him. "D-Don't fall for it," the bloody man wheezes, then points an accusing finger at Satotz. "He's lying to you! He's an impostor!" 

She freezes, thinking. Could that be true?

"He isn't an examiner.  _I'm_ the real examiner." Murmurs break out among the crowd, but she stays silent. She needs more evidence to even consider that Satotz isn't the real deal... "Look at this!" 

She tilts her head. A...man-faced ape with the appearance of Satotz? That's certainly new. She bites her lip, concentrating hard, the applicant's voices fading into the background. First things first, the ape doesn't actually look that much like Satotz. The mouth is all wrong, so either that particular ape sucks at transforming and the other one doesn't, or Satotz is human. And if he's human, then he couldn't be an impostor, because the bloodied man's case seems to depend on Satotz not being human. 

The new man continues, explaining about man-faced apes, but she barely hears him. Yes, it's true that Satotz has a strange gait, but what the man leaves out is that the apes' gait actually looks very similar to a human's. He's either intentionally trying to deceive them or was told wrong, and she's willing to bet it's the former.

"He intends to trap every single hunter applicant!" 

"Bastard," #403 mutters.

"He certainly doesn't walk like a human," #294, the ninja, says. 

A pulse of Nen swells, filling her mind with the color purple. The aura, and the bloodthirst behind it, are enough to make her want to vomit. As she forces her eyes open, the deceiver is already falling, three playing cards embedded deep within his torso. She turns to look at Satotz even as the other man's body hits the ground, only to find...

 _He_ caught  _them?_ _I was so thrown off by the bloodlust I couldn't even track them with my eyes._

The only sounds are the shuffling of a deck of cards and a low laugh. "I see, I see..."

Esu. Why is she not surprised. 

"That settles it..." Esu opens his eyes to gold slits. "You're the real one. Examiners are Hunters selected by the committee to perform this duty without pay. Any Hunter, bearing the title we seek, would have been able to block that attack."

Again, not surprised, although she questions the way Esu chose to figure it out. 

"I shall take that as a compliment," Satotz says, throwing the cards to the ground. "However, should you attack me again, for any reason, I will report you for turning on an examiner. You will then be immediately disqualified. Are we clear?" 

Esu doesn't even flinch, his smile as serene as if he were taking a stroll. As powerful as he is, the comparison might not be too far off. "Sure." 


	2. Angle Shooting

_"I do have to ask, though. Why are you doing this?"_

_She considers playing dumb and dodging the question, but knows it wouldn't deter Hisoka in the slightest. "My parents. My mom's dying. She said-" she gulps, willing herself not to cry,"She said her only wish was that I had a friend. Kinda pathetic, right? My mom's gonna be dead in a few months and the only thing she wants is to see me with a friend."_

_Hisoka's eyes are expressionless, neither amused nor sympathetic. Even though she would've liked some sort of reaction, she supposes not receiving any is alright, if not a little weird. "But wouldn't she automatically assume we're dating if you came over with a guy?"_

_She winces. "Probably, but I'll just tell her no. I don't wanna lie to my mom any more than I have to, and we already kinda talk occasionally, so I'm not really even lying about the friend part." She looks over at him pleadingly. "Right?"_

_He shrugs. "Sure, if that makes you sleep at night."_

_"Bastard," she mutters under her breath, glaring at him as he laughs._

_"I'm surprised, to be perfectly honest." Hisoka tilts his head, green eyes considering. "I would've thought you'd go straight for the fake boyfriend thing." He grins, inching closer until she can feel his breath on her face. "Don't you want a little...variety...in your life?" He winks, slowly licking his lips._

_Her glare intensifies, even as her face turns red. "Like I said, I want to lie as little as possible. And," she shoves at him, glaring harder as he barely moves an inch, "Maybe the girls_ you  _hang out with like that, but I don't!"_

 _Thankfully, he steps backwards, expression somehow softer, and laughs a little more. "Well, you've passed my test," he decides. "I'll do it." He makes a face. "And, for the record, I'll have you know that 'the girls I hang out with' and I have a_ very  _one-sided relationship, if it can even be called that."_

"Test?!"  _She screeches, completely ignoring the rest of his sentence. "This was some sort of convoluted_ test  _just now? You sick bastard!"_

_He frowns. "Hey, can you blame me for wanting to know just how honest you were being? I want to know what I'm getting myself into here. You wouldn't be the first girl that's come up to me with ulterior motives."_

_She pauses, softening a little. For probably the first time since she met him, three months ago, he isn't entirely composed. For a second, he looks something other than guarded and tense, and that is- vulnerable._ He's actually concerned, _she thinks. "Oh. I'm sorry, then. I didn't realize."_

_He smiles, this time not the confident, sultry smirk she's accustomed to seeing get directed at the ladies, but something almost sad. Before she can say anything else, he looks away, clearing his throat; when he looks back again, he's fully composed, like that moment had never even happened. "So, when do we start?"_

 

"Okay. This is our chance. We'll take advantage of the fog to get rid of him!" 

Her eyes narrow a little as she follows the speaker's gaze to where it rests on Esu. Fools. There's no way a bunch of men, untrained in Nen and unskilled in combat, could possibly take out the same man who just effortlessly killed a wild animal with three cards, and earlier destroyed a man's arms- she'd really like to know how, exactly, he did it, but it'd probably be best to stay out of his way as much as possible. 

Beside her, Killua seems to catch on to what's happening. "Gon, Si, let's move up."

"Sure. We don't wanna lose sight of the examiner, after all." 

She and Killua exchange a glance. "It's less about the examiner and more about Esu, Gon," she tells him quietly, allowing her eyes to flick to where he runs a few yards away. "The closer we are to him, the more danger we're in, and something tells me we'll have enough of that already in a few minutes." 

Gon nods. "Okay. Leorio! Kurapika! We're gonna move up!" 

Kurapika and Leopold or whatever respond, Leopold indignantly- surprise, surprise- and Kurapika with an assurance they'll be fine. Without waiting for Gon's response to them, Killua speeds up, forcing the two others to speed up with him. Gon's concerned face, however, doesn't go away, so she says, "Don't worry, Gon. Kurapika seems smart enough. He won't let himself be deceived easily."

All around them are the sounds of screams. Seconds later, she hears bodies hitting the ground. Gon frowns. "I hope so." 

They continue running, barely managing to keep Satotz in view. "If he goes much faster, we'll have to sprint," she mutters. Killua makes an agreeing noise. They run for several more minutes in silence, before her brow furrows. The ground feels strange, all of a sudden- why does the ground feel-

A roar, and in a flash, she realizes. They just got swallowed whole.

Killua, as quick to react as ever, grimaces. "Crap, I dropped my juice can somewhere on the way here."

"Juice? What's that gotta do with being swallo-" 

"I have some." She interrupts Gon, taking the still mostly full can out. "I'd hoped to increase my poison tolerance with it, but we don't really have a choice." 

Killua looks over at her, a little surprised. "Why?" 

She shrugs and pours the can down the creature's throat. "I have my reasons." 

For a second, nothing happens. She's just about to start searching for another way out (her favorite is beating the thing's throat up with Killua's skateboard) when its stomach rumbles. The creature makes a noise like it's about to throw up, and she yells, "Close your eyes!" 

They're thrown onto the ground, she landing on a rock and the others (of course) on soft patches of grass. Unwilling to get up so soon, she just lies there for a while, groaning. "Well, that was disgusting." 

"I guess Tonpa-san saved us, after all!" Gon says brightly. "It was his expired juice, right?" 

She sits up and looks at Killua, who shakes his head. She nods. It's probably not the best idea to shatter Gon's idealism in the first day of knowing him, so she shrugs and mumbles a 'maybe'.

When she's finally recovered enough, she looks around. The fog is just as bad as it was at the beginning, and her ears can only barely pick up the sounds of running feet. They need to move quickly, or they'll lose the main group and never get out of here alive. 

"Gon, Si, we need to go," Killua says, echoing her thoughts. "We'll get lost in here if we don't get a move on." 

"But, Kurapika and Leorio..." Gon looks pleadingly at the two of them, but neither waver. 

"They can do just fine by themselves," Killua says firmly. "We, on the other hand, need to get going." 

"But..." 

Killua's already several yards ahead, running towards the rest of the people. Gon hesitates, starting after him. Partway there, however, his head snaps back and he sniffs, brow furrowing. "Si, I can smell Leorio. Let's go find them." 

She wants to protest, but she already knows that Gon won't be persuaded once he makes up his mind. Killua's far enough ahead it'd be hard to follow him now, and besides, something tells her Gon's senses are good enough he can get them to Satotz without having to follow the pack. "Okay." 

 

* * *

 

She's barely ten feet from Esu, and she's terrified. 

He effortlessly rips through the men like they're nothing, his card techniques so flawless she's in total awe. The powerful, intimidating purple of his aura is so strong she wants to cower, but refuses. She shoves the Ren that tries to surge out of her down and closes her eyes, forcing herself to breathe.  _Breathe, breathe, breathe..._ With her third exhale, she steels herself and goes into Zetsu. If Esu can't sense her, it'll make it harder for him to kill her. Of course, once he does sense her...

"Si," Gon whispers, "What did you do?" 

She turns her head, eyes widening. "You mean you could sense that?" 

"Yeah. What was it?" 

"Just...hiding. Concealing my, er, life force," she whispers back. "Wait. Esu's moving." 

Another body drops to the ground, then Esu's eyes flick back, to- oh no. Kurapika and Leopold.

"Well?" He drawls, eyes predatory, "Care to participate in my little game of examiner?" 

As he starts towards them, she tries to slow her breathing down. "Gon, don't move. There's no telling how he'll react if he sees us." 

Kurapika is whispering something to Leopold, eyes flicking between right, left, and the swiftly approaching Esu. She guesses they intend to make a run for it; when they do, she and Gon need to follow. "They're going to flee. When they do, we need to, as well." 

"Right. They'll cover up our retreat." Good. He isn't as stupid as she'd thought. 

Seconds pass. Esu prowls towards the two boys, that same predatory gleam still in his eyes. She watches as sweat slowly drips down Leopold's face, tries to control her breathing. She watches as Kurapika gradually grows tenser, tries to slow her heartbeat- surely Esu can hear it from where he stands, barely six feet away. She watches as a card appears in Esu's hand, between his second and third fingers.

Then, right as he flicks his wrist back, preparing to throw- a breeze ruffles his hair. Esu pauses. 

"Now!" Kurapika yells. She moves in sync with the duo, grabbing Gon's shoulder and sprinting, wild fear throbbing in her veins. In her panic, rationality is forgotten, the only thing left the overwhelming need to _get. Out_. 

Behind her, she hears a low laugh, Esu apparently not seeing her and Gon. "I see. A wise decision." 

And then she sees Leopold stop.  _No, you idiot, run!_ She watches, horrified, as he bends down and picks up a stick, watches as he turns around. 

"I just can't do it," he says, stepping into the fog- towards Esu. Gon rips from her grasp, grabs his fishing pole, livid. "This may not be my fight," the older man continues, "But I won't just close my eyes and run!" With that, he...charges? 

"Ah, I adore that look on your face," Esu says. His smile slowly grows as Leopold gets closer and she stands helpless, knowing that if she steps in, she's next. There's no way she's throwing away her life for a man she just met- and a stupid man, at that. 

Leopold swings, but Esu is far too fast for him- he's already moved away, swinging back behind Leopold and raising one hand, sharpened nails gleaming-

And, out of nowhere, a fishing hook appears, hitting Esu in the cheek. 

Leopold freezes. "Gon!" 

"Not bad, little boy." Leopold apparently forgotten, Esu starts towards Gon instead, and all of a sudden, that same predatory smile he used on Leopold isn't okay. She clenches her fist and curses Gon for being so reckless- if she's going to get them out of here alive, she'll need to use Nen. She doesn't doubt for a second that Esu will kill them. The problem is, the only ability that could possibly save them from Esu now is far less than perfect, thanks to her incompetent teacher.

Is Gon really worth risking her life for? 

She sighs, thinking, as Leopold charges again and is knocked flying backwards with one punch from Esu. Yes. She may have only met him a few hours ago, but Gon is special. She doesn't want him to die, especially not when she deserves death a thousand times more than he does. 

And, as Gon leaps, coming down empty handed time and time again, she makes her decision. Her Zetsu fades, Ren becoming tangible and strong. Esu hesitates for second and his eyes lock with hers. And that's when Gon lands his second blow. 

Esu springs backwards, glancing at Gon. "Very nice." Then he looks back at her and his eyes gleam with a look she very, distinctly, Does Not Like. "And who are you?" 

"Gon, don't look." 

"What? Why?"

She purses her lips. There's no way she can just say  _well, Nen is supposed to be a strictly guarded secret in the Hunter's Association, where revealing it can get you into a whole lot of trouble, so no reason, really._ "Do you trust me?" 

"Yeah, I guess so." She wants to slap him, reprimand him that there's no way you should trust someone you met not even a day ago- especially not in an exam where everyone's out to get you disqualified or killed, but she stays silent. Gon's trust will make this much easier, as long as he obeys. 

"Then don't look. Not until I tell you to." 

"Oh?" Esu looks amused. "Are you going to fight me?" 

As she looks around, the situation seems nothing but hopeless. There's no way she's strong enough to keep up her Hatsu sufficiently long to get Gon and Leopold both to safety- plus, as heavy as Leopold seems, she doubts she could even carry him, let alone be fast enough to outrun Esu. Her only option is to hope she's fast enough, and strong enough, to knock Esu out or at least stun him long enough to get Gon out. He's her first priority, and houses far more potential than Leopold. 

She takes a deep breath. "Flashpoint!" 

She sprints towards him, new swiftness coursing through her veins, then runs around him, newly-sharpened senses allowing her to track him.  _Dammit, he's still almost as fast as I am, even with my Nen._

"Very good," Esu says, just as calm as ever. "I'm getting excited now." 

She jumps, intending to sweep his legs out from under him just like she did to Killua and Gon only minutes before, but he only laughs and jumps, too. "Good girl." Next, she tries a kick to the ribs, but he twists out of the way- an attempted punch is dodged just as easily.  _How is he not getting confused by my afterimages? It shouldn't be possible to keep up with me with his eyes._ She goes in for another kick, which he dodges as well, and curses.  _Dammit. My only option is to grab Gon and make a run for it, if I'm even fast enough to do that. My Flashpoint is going to wear off soon; I can't keep it up for much longer._ Her eyes flick to Gon and she turns, bending dow-

Purple flares behind her and sharp nails dig into her skin as she's lifted into the air with a force she could never hope to counter. "How wonderful," he murmurs, gold eyes piercing into hers. She struggles, Nen fading and vision growing darker as his grip tightens, barely noticing Gon's gasp behind her. Damn kid. She told him not to open his eyes. Although at least this might give him the few seconds he needs to escape. 

He grins. "I really do love that look." He tightens his grip a little more, and she lashes out with a leg, a kick he easily dodges. Esu makes a tsking sound, tightens his grasp the littlest bit more, and then she's done. Her vision gives out, body slumping as her brain takes her towards unconsciousness. Esu, probably realizing that, lets her go, and she tumbles to the ground, choking. 

"How long have you known..." he glances at Gon, whom she can only assume must look terrified, "It?" 

She coughs weakly and forces herself to her feet, wobbling so much she almost falls down again.  _Focus._ "Two months. My teacher sucks ass, or well, sucked. He's dead now." 

Esu raises an eyebrow, looking a little surprised but more amused. "You've only known it for a few months, yet you already have..." he motions towards her, obviously meaning to say Hatsu.

"Let's just say there were some rather exceptional circumstances."

"Hm." He considers. "You spoke of him in past tense. You killed him?" 

She glares at him, coughing again. "Of course not," she rasps, "We're not all psychopaths like you. He was murdered by the Phantom Troupe." Esu's eyes light up. Glaring at him, she continues, "But seriously, the choking thing was totally unnecessary. Maybe the girls  _you're_  used to like that whole BDSM thing, but I don't." She regrets the words the moment they come out of her mouth, wanting to kick herself. _One day, my sarcasm is going to be the death of me._

Esu, however, doesn't take the joke the way she expects. Instead, his eyes widen slightly and he steps back, eyes running over her carefully. "What's your name, number 378?" 

"You can call me Silent." 

"Silent?" He muses, running a finger across his lips. "That's a very strange name." 

"Coming from the guy whose name literally means 'ace'?" 

He laughs lightly, continuing to laugh even as Gon, being the idiot he is, takes advantage of Esu's temporary distraction and lunges at him again. "Ah, Gon, I can already tell how great you'll become one day." he deals one swift, precise blow to the boy and squats, becoming level with the frightened, stunned boy, and smiles a little. "Don't be afraid. I wouldn't waste such great potential by killing you now. Nor will I kill your friend. He passed my little game, as did you for landing two hits on me." Esu stands and picks up Leopold, slinging him over his shoulder with enviable ease. Then he turns and locks eyes with her, eyes turning glacier cold.

"As for you...this is a warning. Stay out of my way, and I will do the same for you. I will not be held accountable for what happens if you carelessly cross paths with me again." He smirks. "After all, there's no rule against killing a fellow applicant. I assume you can get back yourself?" 

She can't, but Gon, still trying to recover from Esu's chop, nods, so she does the same. "Good boy." 

With that, Esu turns and vanishes into the fog. 

 

* * *

 

Kurapika joins them soon after and Gon goes into detail of what happened to Leorio and the fight with Esu- if it could even be called a fight. 

"I landed two hits on him, and both were when he was distracted," Gon explains. "The first was when he was aiming for Leorio, the second was when he found Si." He makes a face. "Then she told me to close my eyes, so I don't know what happened after that!" 

She purses her lips into a line, increasing her pace. "Let's just say I thought of a way to try and get him off his guard, but it didn't work. We're all very lucky he didn't kill us." 

"It seems like he likes you," Kurapika says thoughtfully. "He complimented both of you several times."

"Yeah, but then he basically told me he'd kill me if I ever got in his way again, so he's really sending mixed signals here." 

"Well, anyway, it can't be helped. We're almost there; Esu's sure to be there, so you need to be careful, Si." She nods, even as they break through the last bit of forest and come into a clearing framed by a huge, fortified castle wall of some sort. 

"Leorio...where's Leor-" 

Purple pierces her vision and she staggers back just as Gon and Kurapika do, all three of them turning towards Esu, who smirks and points to his right. Following his direction, she glances over and sees- uh- Leoro? She really needs to work on remembering his name...Kurapika and Gon rush over to help him, but she stays back, eyes narrowed at Esu. She doesn't trust him, especially not near Gon. Everything about him screams sadism and danger in bold, neon letters. 

He tilts his head, still smiling, and starts moving his finger through the air, almost like a conductor. It takes her a few seconds before she realizes what he's doing; a few more to concentrate Gyo into her eyes.  _I hope you haven't already forgotten my warning,_ it says. 

"Don't worry, I haven't," she responds despite being several yards away. If Esu can't hear her  _or_ read lips, then that's his own problem. She turns away, striding deliberately towards Gon's group, recently joined by Killua. She gets there just in time to hear the white-haired boy say "You really are weird" and stifles a laugh. Before she can say anything, Satotz announces the start of the second exam and walks away. 

Well, what's next?

 

* * *

 

Their next exam is on... _cooking?_

She's never been the best of cooks, but she's fairly confident that she's better than the majority of the applicants there- half of them probably don't even know how to hard-boil an egg. After assuring herself that Esu is nowhere nearby Gon, she leaves the foursome to take down a pig by herself. It's not that she doesn't like their company, it's just that Esu so obviously told her that her life is in danger whenever she's near him. If he's taken an interest in Gon, he will most likely attempt to watch Gon quite a bit, meaning, if she hangs out with the boy, her life will be in danger.

But it's more than that. If she's in danger, the rest of them will be, too. She hates the very thought of people being hurt because of her; she hates the idea of collateral damage, and knows that if she stays around them too much, Esu will ensure there is quite a lot of that. So she takes down her pig, alone, in less than fifteen minutes, and is one of the first to carry in a dead pig and roast it. 

Once she does so (freaking out the entire time that maybe the fire's too hot or too cold, burning the meat up or leaving it raw and stringy), she looks around at the others. All of them are, unsurprisingly enough, putting the entire roast pig on their platters- what are they, savages? They could at least skin the pig! She grimaces as she dices it, finding her eyes drawn towards Esu and the pin-guy she'd still not gotten the name of. They, at least, are skinning and taking the entrails out of the creature, but from the look of it, they hadn't done the greatest job cooking it. 

She looks around, evaluating. There are some herbs and spices she can use to hopefully improve the flavor-

"Therefore, no one passes. We're finished here!"  _What the hell? They didn't even let me try!_ When she looks over, Esu and Pin-guy looks similarly annoyed, Esu surreptitiously drawing a card. 

The other applicants become enraged, their exclamations rapidly escalating until the huge examiner punches an applicant into one of the fortress walls. "You lack focus and the willingness to experiment!" the female examiner rants. "That alone disqualifies you from becoming Hunters!" 

 _I had plenty of focus and willingness,_ she thinks bitterly, wishing she had a nice card to throw, too. Indeed, Esu looks murderous; he's retracting his wrist to throw the card at the examiners, even while a voice sounds from above. 

"That said, it would be excessive to fail every single applicant." Her eyes widen as she takes in the emblem; a Hunter's Association airship? She hadn't expected to meet any Hunters other than the examiners, but apparently the female examiner's actions had made that impossible.

An explosion rocks the earth; when the smoke clears, it reveals an old man in clogs, slowly walking towards the two examiners. Esu cocks his head, interest illuminating his eyes. The female examiner introduces the old man as Chairman Netero, and he elaborates, explaining, "I only take action when there's an issue." He looks straight at the examiner. "Like now." 

Si barely listens throughout the lengthy dialogue, hearing only enough to know that the examiner was intentionally making the exam unfair- no shit- and that she- Menchi- will now do a redo, something involving boiled eggs and a Mount Split-In-Half. 

Well, this is getting interesting. 

 

* * *

 

Eyes wide, she watches as Menchi leaps, diving into the ravine. The examiner latches onto one strand of the web, and- waits. Seconds pass by, before the slightest breeze ruffles Menchi's hair, and she lets go, falling, falling, falling. She reaches, grabs an egg and falls, falls, falls...

Then, mere moments before she would've hit the ground, a huge updraft surges. Menchi flies, floating back up to the top of the ravine. The only thing Si can think is  _that looks like fun._

Even pin-guy and Esu, who dive in a few seconds after Gon and his group, seem at least a little interested; however, as seconds pass and no breeze ruffles her skin, she admits she begins to grow concerned. 

"Gon?" 

"Wait," he instructs. "Not yet." 

"The web can't hold us all up!" Kurapika cries, eyes wide. "If we don't let go soon..."

"Wait," he says again, closing his eyes. They all exchange looks. Vaguely, she feels eyes on her, on Gon, on all of them. It's obvious Gon has superhuman senses; it seems like all the applicants are willing to trust in that, even at the potential expense of their own lives. 

"Not yet?" She questions, worry starting to build. Who knows how often updrafts pass through. What if the next one isn't due for hours, for days, for weeks? 

Gon stays silent, sniffing. Then, right as the web breaks, he yells, "Now!" 

She lets go, free-falling, only the feeling of wind in her face, her mouth, her ears as she dives, grappling for an egg. A laugh bubbles out of her despite herself, the adrenaline making her giddy. Then, for a dizzying second, there's nothing, just the wind in her ears. Fear returns, but muted, as she thinks  _this isn't such a bad way to die,_ then vanishes as the updraft surges, carrying the applicants swirling upwards, higher and higher until they're safely back on the ground.

She staggers a little, then collapses onto the ground, egg in hand, and starts laughing. "That was one of the craziest things I've ever done." Kurapika looks over, a little surprised at her outburst, before joining in, and soon all five of them are rolling around on the ground in hysterics. A few people that pass by look a little concerned, but she honestly couldn't care less. She hadn't realized how stressed out she'd been since the exam started- hell, way before the exam started, since nearly five years ago. _It has been way too long since I last laughed this much,_ she decides. 

Finally, she heaves herself to her feet, offering a hand to Kurapika, then Gon when the blond boy refuses. When Gon refuses as well, pushing it away with a smile and an "I can get up myself, thanks" Leopold crosses his arms and mutters something about how he could've used the help. She skillfully ignores him and walks over to the pot, tossing her egg in. 

But even as she fishes the egg out, biting into it and grinning at the taste, she isn't safe.

Unbeknownst to her, Esu watches, eyes hard and calculating. He murmurs, "Who are you, really?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, since I have no originality and also have a few plot things I'd really like to see with Reader, this fic will basically have the same plot as the anime at the beginning, with a few changes here and there to make room for Reader to do all the things I need her to do.  
> (Also, I'm lowkey salty about Phase Two because there's absolutely no way Illumi raised-by-richass-assassins Zoldyck and Hisoka I'm-so-fashionable-I-change-outfits-every-arc Morow would present an entire pig, entrails and all, on a platter for someone to eat like that's a bunch of nonsense so I present to you my slightly edited version)


	3. Jury, Judge, and Executioner

With over ten hours of free time until the Third Phase begins, she sets out to explore the ship. For a while she follows Gon and Killua around, allowing herself the smallest bit of a smile at their antics, but after a while she begins to sense Killua's dislike of her. 

Well, perhaps dislike is too strong of a word- he definitely likes her more than most everyone else in this exam, but it doesn't take a genius to know he wants to talk to Gon alone. As an assassin, she supposes Killua prefers being alone, or at least with as few people as possible- less danger. Or perhaps Killua's just an introvert, or he doesn't trust her as much as he trusts Gon. It's most likely a combination of the three, but she still gets the message: she isn't wanted. 

So a few minutes later, she makes up some bullshit excuse for leaving, meeting Killua's coldly grateful eyes with a nod. She carefully answers Gon's protests, not wanting to give away Killua's thoughts too soon, and then walks away. Somewhere deep inside, her heart grows colder, sadder, the further she flees. She misses feeling wanted, feeling like she's part of something.

"Hey!" 

She spins, instinctively shooting out a punch. She's stopped with ease, something she'd feel embarrassed about if it weren't for the person doing the stopping. "Hey," she says carefully, looking at #294. "Um, was I in your way?" 

The ninja smiles. "No, you weren't. I just wanted to introduce myself to you. I'm Hanzo." 

"Si. Nice to meet you." 

"Same here," he returns. "This might sound a little strange, but I've been watching you, and it seems like you have been trained in martial arts, am I right?" 

She nods, pursing her lips. She figures that attempting to lie would've done her little good, and it's not like the knowledge would affect how easily Hanzo could take her down. "Yes, I have, but I don't conform to any one school. I've never been formally trained, so I've just picked up bits and pieces through the years." 

Hanzo dips his head, eyes calculating- obviously examining her, seeking for her weaknesses. "Not many people in this exam are highly skilled martial artists, and, uh," he scratches his neck a bit awkwardly, "I've already beaten them all. Would you care to have a duel?" 

She stares at him for a moment. "Uh..." 

"Not full out or anything," he clarifies quickly, "Just as a way to ease our boredom. What do you say?" 

She bites her lip, eyes sweeping over him. She's not sure she trusts him, but at least she doesn't think he's the type to kill an opponent for no reason other than the fact that they lost.  _Unlike some people,_ she thinks, expression darkening for a second. She looks back up at Hanzo, considering. "I guess I can spare the time for one round."

In her defense, she does last about twenty seconds. She manages to land one hit on him- a kick- before he outmaneuvers her, ducks behind her and executes a single, paralyzing chop. She's stunned and her vision darkens a little around the edges as she silently curses herself for not using Nen to help soften the blow. _Although, seeing as Hanzo can't use Nen, that's technically illegal anyway._

"You're still conscious?" Hanzo sounds mildly incredulous. She pushes herself to her feet, staggering a little. She holds out a hand to stop him from doing anything else, breathing deeply.

"I've been tortured once or twice," she says. "Not much, but enough to increase my pain tolerance." She rolls her neck, wincing at the sharp pain the movement causes, and slips into a fighting stance. "Again."

She's beaten down again and again, all within a minute or so and with barely five blows exchanged between them before she's back on the floor. Every time he deals her a stunning, paralyzing, or excruciating blow, she regrets not having formal training. Every time her vision dims or fizzes out or her consciousness slurs, she curses her own laziness for not at least trying to keep up a training program.

"I have to give you credit for your tenacity," Hanzo finally says, after about the sixth time. "You also hold your own remarkably long for someone who's never been trained properly."

"I didn't come here for someone to try and make me feel better with half-assed compliments," she grumbles, picking herself back up. "I know I suck; that's why I accepted your offer."

Hanzo raises an eyebrow. She sighs. "Fancy giving me a tip or two? We both know there's no way I'll be able to beat you within the span of this exam, no matter how hard I train, so the only thing you could have concern over is me being a waste of your time."

He considers, walking around her in a slow circle. She can feel his eyes boring into her, like he can see right through her skin and into her soul. "Well, you'd better be a quick learner."

 

* * *

 

It's approaching 2:00 when she finally walks out of there, knowing she'll be sore in the morning but not regretting a single second of it. The things Hanzo showed her were invaluable- like she said, not even close to bringing her up to the ninja's skill, but maybe enough to give her a fighting chance against someone like Killua, should the assassin ever turn against her.

As she walks, Pin-guy approaches. She stiffens, sore muscles protesting as they tense, slowing down a little despite herself as he nears. "Number 378," he greets, mechanical voice giving her chills. Everything about him feels _wrong,_ and she senses it goes deeper than just his Nen and most likely sadistic personality. "I don't believe we have had the pleasure of meeting. I am Gittarackur." 

So that's what his name is. It's just as weird as he is, to be honest. "You can call me Silent."

"It was nice meeting you, Silent." Gittarackur starts past her, his gait just as eerie as the rest of him. "I'll be seeing you la- oh, I'm sorry," he says as he bumps into her, sending her to the ground. Even though he apologizes, he doesn't stop for more than a moment, continuing to walk on without even attempting to help her up.  _What a jerk._

"Ow," she says despite herself, hand going to rub at the back of her head before stopping. Why would she try to rub her head? He hit her side, not her head. She picks herself up, wincing from a strangely timed headache, and watches the strange man's retreating figure.  _What the hell just happened?_

She tries to shake it off by thinking of other things; calculating and comparing Gon, Killua, Kurapika and Leopold's strengths, for instance. Gon has a bright potential within him, that much is obvious, but he hasn't had a lick of training, which puts him at a far disadvantage to Killua, who's most likely been trained since he was a baby. Even though Gon's potential seems greater than Killua's, at the moment the white-haired boy is far stronger, and unless Gon really works, always will be. As for Kurapika, the older boy is smart, that much is obvious. How smart remains to be seen, as does his combat ability. Leopold is just a huge mess; short-tempered, prideful, and without the actual skill to back anything he says up. She seriously doubts he'll even manage to get through the third phase, whatever it might be. 

As for the others, the older men don't stand much of a chance to become Hunters. If they really wanted to, they should've attempted the exam when they were younger, not when their strength had already peaked and started its downhill climb. The archer boy seems bright enough, as does the dark-skinned huntsman with the club. Hanzo, of course, is one of the most physically talented people in the exam, second only to Esu and Gittarackur. Even without Nen, he is a formidable adversary, and almost guaranteed to get through, assuming he's not all brawn and no brains, of course. 

That really only leaves Tonpa. Although he seems like he's content to waste all his time trying to kick other people out of the exam instead of focusing on passing it himself, she wonders how strong he really is- certainly, she hasn't seen him fight or display any kind of intelligence or even a hint of talent, yet he's done this for decades. Surely, if he weren't at least moderately talented, the cost would out-pay the benefits of ruining people's lives. After all, there are many much easier ways to ruin someone's career than taking the Hunter Exam. 

"Ah, Number 378!" 

She nods, smiling a little at the examiners. Inwardly, she's a little befuddled that they seem to recognize her. "Menchi-san, Satotz-san, Buhara-san. I didn't expect you to be out and about so late at night." 

"Same goes for you," Menchi says, crossing her arms. "You have to be up in less than six hours! What are you thinking? You should be exhausted." She gives the other girl a glare and continues, "Also, cut it out with the -san crap. We're the same age, after all." 

"I don't really want to be called -san, either," Buhara puts in. Menchi raises an eyebrow at Satotz, but he says nothing, and finally the Gourmet Hunter gives up, turning back around to the other girl. 

"Anyway, it's past two in the morning. The Third Phase is not going to be easy on you, so you need to get as much sleep as you can." Menchi gives her a grin and waves, walking off. "Good night!" 

"Good night, Menchi, Buhara." Satotz turns around and gives her a look, so she sighs. "Good night, Satotz-san." 

"Good night."

 

* * *

 

"You did as I asked?" 

A nod. 

"Good." The red-haired man pauses, gold eyes narrowed. "Did you ask her name?" 

"Yes. She said it's Silent, just like she told you." 

Esu makes a considering sound and turns to face Gittarackur. "What were her exact words?" 

"She said, 'You can call me Silent'. That's it." 

Esu says nothing for several seconds, so the mechanical man pushes, "Why do you find that so strange, Hisoka?" 

"I've already told you, don't call me that. There are too many people who could overhear." 

The other man lets out what could be a sigh, but sounds more like air being compressed. "Why do you find that so strange, Esu?" 

"She told me the same thing." He pauses, obviously waiting for a response, then elaborates with a sigh, "Don't you think it strange that, when asked her name, she never says, 'My name is' or 'I am'? When both you and I asked her, she only said 'you can call me' not 'I am'." 

The mechanical man shrugs disjointedly. "So she's lying about her name, or goes by a nickname. I don't see why that's a very big deal; you're doing the same thing." 

"Ah, but I have a reason for doing so," Esu says softly, "Which means she must have a reason, too." 

Gittarackur turns around and sits down, closing his eyes. "Whatever. You're obviously way too hung up over a simple girl. She's not even that good; I could beat her with my eyes closed." 

Esu laughs lowly, sitting down on one of the cabin's two bunk beds. "That's because you haven't looked past her current skill to see her potential." 

Gittarackur doesn't respond, pretending to be asleep already. Esu huffs and lies back, closing his eyes. Tomorrow promises to be a long day. 

 

* * *

 

"You have 72 hours to climb down this tower." 

Instantly, her eyes narrow. She looks around, locating each person she thought had a chance of becoming a Hunter- Esu, Gittarackur, Hanzo, Gon, Killua, and a few others. The first two split up immediately, both wandering away across the tower's circumference, but after less than a minute, Esu's mouth quirks up and he jumps, disappearing into the floorboards of the tower. 

Trapdoors. Why is she not surprised. 

She searches around, pushing at every human-shaped slab she can find, and after about fifteen minutes, she finds one that opens. Allowing herself a little grin in triumph, she continues to push, falling through the panel and into a room. 

A room filled with four different people, none of whom she knows the names of, which means they aren't in any way special. 

_Great. Now I'm stuck with these four idiots for 72 hours._

She plasters a smile on her face and picks up the remaining watch. After undergoing a brief tutorial, they have their first majority vote. Two out of five people vote to stay in the room and, yup, this is going to be one of the worst experiences of her life. They travel through the tunnels as a group, voting every few minutes. She's overruled several times and has to fight to maintain her calm- unlike the rest of them, she actually  _knows_ what she's doing, thank you very much! Part of her wants to knock them all out (or kill them) and have her own, one person majority vote, but she has a feeling she'd just be hurting herself in the long run. 

Then they get to the prisoners. 

"You must win three out of five fights to continue on. If not, you lose and each of us gets 72 years taken off our sentences." She tries to pinch herself, see if maybe that will wake her up, for surely that's all this is- just a horrible nightmare. She can't believe she's depending on a bunch of idiot weaklings to get her through this exam- it's supposed to be a test of her own skills, dammit, not on how much four other people can drag her down with their stupidity! 

The first fight is an archery contest. The guy that goes up, stunningly enough, is actually a fairly good archer- one of the ones she'd noted earlier but hadn't been impressed enough by to get his name. He wins, albeit with a fair amount of difficulty and by the skin of his teeth, but it's a win. Now there just needs to be another moderately competent one. 

The next one is, of all things, a joke battle. "If you can make me laugh within four hours," the creepy, greasy man says mockingly, "You win." She sits back and grits her teeth, shooting daggers at the prisoner with her eyes and wishing she were good enough at Emitting to shoot a Nen dart at him and kill him. The only reason he's doing this is to delay them; the four hour time-limit is just another proof of that. 

To his credit, the sullen, pouty-faced man that faces the prisoner does try pretty hard to come up with jokes, but none of them are even remotely funny, and the ones that are, aren't nearly enough to make his competition laugh. After around thirty minutes, he stops trying entirely. For the rest of the four hours, there's an awkward silence and she focuses on burning holes into the back of her teammate's head, hoping he'll feel her disgust all the way across the cavern. 

After the four hours are up, her teammate is sent back over, shame-faced. The loss is counted, and the next fight is picked. She decides to go last, so she has time to judge all the prisoners as they fight and also as a last-ditch effort to save her team. 

The next fight is a loss, as well, and as the fourth person steps over to do battle with his opponent, she finds herself despairing. What if he loses, too? Would the Hunter's Association really send her back because of someone else's failings? 

She clenches her jaw. From what she's seen of them, that's exactly what they would do. 

She's fairly certain she doesn't breathe throughout the entirety of the match. It's a standard death-match, nothing fancy. The prisoner is a traitor of the highest degree and a mass embezzler- not very strong, but smart. Luckily, the wizened, elderly man up against him at least approaches the same intelligence, so he just barely manages to win- sheer luck, as far as she's concerned, but a win's a win. She just hopes her own match goes as well. 

"My name's Ichiro." The man smiles a sickening, sadistic grin that makes her skin crawl. "Convicted for thirteen counts of rape, thirteen counts of murder." A serial murderer- no, a serial murderer  _and_ rapist. Her eyes narrow in fury, Ren blazing as she stalks across the cavern towards him. Murder is one thing. She's killed before, too- she regrets all four of them, but they were kills, not murders. She kills only in self-defense, not for pleasure. 

And she certainly does not rape before she does it. 

Killing is one thing, murder is quite another. And raping before you do it is just adding insult to injury- no, it's committing two of the worst sins possible at once. 

"You don't even deserve to be alive," she spits, meaning every single word. "You are trash. You are  _worse_ than nothing. You deserve to burn in _Hell!"_ Her Ren flares, spiking, and she feels only satisfaction as the criminal pales. 

"I don't care what kind of contest you want. The only thing I will accept is a fight to the death." 

"V-Very well, th-then," he stammers, backing away almost as far away from her as he can. Coward.

"Begin!" 

She barely hears the announcer's words, too busy trying to control the rage throbbing through her veins. There are some things worse than death, and one of them is to lose the will to keep on living. Too many times she has watched men like this one destroy that will. Too many times, she has had to pick up the scattered pieces of her friends after they were abused and hurt and broken beyond recognition. The thought of letting him walk free again is unthinkable. She will kill him herself before she even considers that. 

For her, time seems to slow almost to a standstill. She vaguely wonders if she accidentally used Flashpoint, before deciding it doesn't matter. To hell with the exam, to hell with the examiners, to hell with Nen. There's only one reason she wants to become a Hunter, and that is to free the world of garbage like this man. She no longer cares if she ends up disqualifying herself from the exam. Even if they kick her out, there's a next year, and a year after that, and a year after that. She will never stop trying to become a Hunter until she finds a better way to accomplish her mission.

She doesn't hesitate. She fixes her burning eyes on Ichiro and lunges, putting every single bit of strength she has into one, exact punch. Eyes cold, she watches as he flies backwards two feet, four feet, six. She doesn't smile as he skids off the platform. She doesn't move until, seconds later, a faint thud is heard as the man's scream is swallowed by death. 

No, she doesn't murder. And this couldn't even be considered a kill. She's named herself jury, judge, and executioner. This was no kill; this was an execution. 

She turns to the four remaining prisoners, anger unabated. "If you're going to argue he isn't dead, I'm perfectly fine with doing the same thing to the rest of you." Jury, judge, and executioner. 

"No, no, that's fine, perfectly fine," the jokester prisoner babbles, terror in his eyes. "We're willing to agree he's dead, right everyone?" He turns back to his three buddies, who all nod, varying shades of wariness or terror lighting up their own expressions. 

"Good. That's 3-2, then, in our favor. We win, let us pass." She turns back to her teammates, who now regard her with the same terror. She snorts in contempt. Weaklings, the whole lot of them. The only one who shows the least bit of promise is the archer dude, and even he will probably never become that powerful. 

The prisoners exit, and another pathway clicks into place, a green light embedded in the door frame at the end. She looks back. "Come on, let's get a move on. Who knows how much longer we have to go." Eyes wide, the rest of them clamber up the narrow walkway, nervously eyeing the beckoning darkness as though they'd never even seen it before. _What, did it only just now occur to them that if they fall in, they die? Idiots._

She checks her watch, frowning a little. "We've used up a little more than sixteen hours. That still gives us around 56 hours, but we need to move quickly." Her teammates nod, a new respect- and fear- in their eyes. Instead of moving with her, they start following her; they even start watching to see what button she presses before they make their own decisions. She doesn't especially like being regarded as a leader, but she's fairly confident in her intelligence and logic, so if being a leader means she can influence them into making the correct choices, she supposes she'll have to bear it. 

The next five hours are stressful, to put it lightly. In between being chased by dozens of prisoners wielding torches, almost falling off a cliff, and nearly drowning in piranha-infested waters, she barely has time to breathe, let alone rest. Needless to say, they're all exhausted by the time they reach a room with two doors bearing an X and an O, respectively. 

"This will be the last decision made by majority rule," the archer dude- Pokey, maybe?- reads. "Choose X or O." 

She looks around. Weapons line the walls of the room; she seriously doubts they're just for decoration. Biting her lip, she looks down and clicks X. When she looks up, everyone else has followed suit; five X's, zero O's. 

Then, because this whole thing couldn't get any weirder, the stone statue next to the two doors speaks. "Please select a path. There are two choices: one path allows five to pass, but is long and difficult; the other path allows only three, but is short and easy. Incidentally, the long and difficult path requires a minimum of forty-five hours. The short and easy path leads to the goal in approximately three minutes. Press O for the long and difficult path, and X for the short and easy one; if X is pressed, two people must be secured to these walls with handcuffs before the door will open. The two chained members will be unable to move until the time limit expires." 

Hm. A minimum of forty-five hours, yes? Having wasted five hours more, they have barely 50 hours left. To choose the longer path might end up in them all failing, if they make even one wrong turn. She sighs. She didn't want to resort to this, but...she closes her eyes, listens to her heartbeat pounding in her frame. 

 _One, two, three._ She walks.  _Four, five, six._ One blow to the skull, and one slumps to the ground, unconscious- not dead.  _Seven, eight, nine._ The next one gives her a few second's more trouble, but is knocked unconscious about as fast. 

She looks at the two remaining people- Pokey and a girl. "Well, seeing as this makes three, we might as well vote now." 

Neither of them protest, and three X's show up on the screen. When nothing happens, she makes a frustrated noise and bends down, pressing X on the two unconscious men's watches. "Apparently, all five of us have to weigh in. Anyways," she looks over at her remaining two teammates, "You take him, I'll get this one." 

As she grunts, lifting her man (she really needs to start doing weight training again), she pretends not to hear Pokey whisper, "Is it just me, or is she almost as scary as Esu?" 

She also pretends not to feel as grateful as she does when the girl responds, "No. Esu kills for fun. Si is nothing like him." 

After finishing tying up the two unconscious men, she allows herself an apologetic look and a whispered, "Sorry. Try again next year." Then she turns around and gives a grim smile as the X-marked door opens. "Well, you guys ready?" 

"As I'll ever be," the green-haired girl responds. 

"Sure," Pokey says. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I really wish we'd gotten to see Hanzo again. Once he learned Nen, he would've been one badass ninja- probably even able to become a Zodiac, or better. But I guess, who knows- maybe he'll show up again someday (DC arc I'm looking at you)


	4. Luck of the Draw

"Silent, applicant 378, is the fifth to pass. Pokkle, applicant 53, is the sixth to pass. Ponzu, applicant 246, is the seventh to pass. Total time: twenty-six hours and forty-three minutes." 

Pokkle and the green-haired girl grin, high-fiving each other (they don't even attempt to do the same to her, which is understandable but still a little sad) through the blisters on their palms. They walk off by themselves to another part of the cavern, leaving Si stuck as the only one standing, with the distinct feeling of being watched by everyone else. 

She looks around, examining everyone. The weird huntsman, Pokkle and his new girlfriend, Gittarackur, Hanzo, and Esu are the only others in there. What happened to Gon and his friends? Surely Leopold hasn't dragged them down enough to jeopardize their chances of passing Phase Three. 

In any case, she needs somewhere to sit. There's no way she's gonna stand for the remaining day and a half of their time, but there doesn't seem to be any good spot to sit that both offers a good vantage point  _and_ isn't right next to Esu or Gittarackur. Curse them for snagging the good spots before she got there. Curse Esu for threatening her with death if she crosses paths with him again- hang on, how exactly is he defining 'crossing paths'? Couldn't being in the same room technically be thought of as that? 

She chances a glance at Esu, whose eyes are closed. Even with them shut, however, she can sense his full awareness of everything that's going on. It wouldn't surprise her if he's using En, with In to cover his tracks. Since he hasn't made a move on her yet, she assumes that he's okay with being in the same room as her, at least for now. It wouldn't surprise her in the least if he's waiting for her to drop her guard, just to make killing her easier. Although he doesn't seem like the kind of guy that enjoys an easy kill. 

As for Gittarackur, sitting next to him is also a no-go; he downright creeps her out. The only other person she even remotely knows is...she sighs. Hanzo. 

"Hey," she greets as she walks over, sitting down a foot or so away from him without an invitation. "How'd it go on your end?" 

Hanzo grins, making her wonder, not for the first time, how such a carefree look could possibly go with the same guy who effortlessly kicked her butt five plus times in a matter of minutes. "Pretty well. I didn't get below the roof for a while, but once I got in, I basically just sprinted the whole time." 

She furrows her brows. "What about your other teammates?" 

"Teammates?" Hanzo questions. "You had teammates?" 

"Yeah, I walked in with them. We started with five, but I ended up having to eliminate two." 

"Huh." He doesn't even blink at the last part of her sentence. "Guess I must've gotten in late, then. I did have to fight five prisoners, so maybe they counted me as an entire team, seeing as you said you had four others." 

Given his strength, she thinks that's a definite possibility. "Yeah, we had to do everything by majority. It was a nightmare. Everything had to be three against two and I got overruled constantly." She grimaces. "But what's done is done. When did you get here?" 

"Pretty early; I got in here within about twelve hours, I think. I thought I'd gotten in first but the two weirdos-" he motions at Esu and Gittarackur, who she senses are both watching them- "were already here, rendering me third." 

"Damn, you've been here for half a day already, then. You must be bored sick." 

"Eh, not really." He stands up, stretching, and motions for her to do the same. "Every few hours, I go through another round of my workout. Wanna join me?" She doesn't, really, but what better option does she really have? Stare at a wall and pretend she doesn't feel Gittarackur's stare burning into her skull? 

"Sure, but go easy on me. I'm not nearly as fit as you are." 

 

* * *

 

Honestly, she really needs to question Hanzo's definition of 'going easy'. After less than three hours of balance, strength, and endurance training, she's about to drop to the ground from exhaustion, bruised and sore all over. Thankfully, the same green humanoid she's seen several times now walks in, wheeling a trolley filled with food and water. It helps with the whole starvation thing, but it definitely doesn't cure the tiredness.

"Didn't I say to go easy on me?" She asks, dropping to the ground at what she's come to claim as her spot. 

"Even an easy version of my training regime is very difficult," Hanzo says, a little bit of arrogance in his tone. It's irritating, but she lets it slide- he's not nearly as stuck-up as some people she's met before, and he has far more reason to be than they. 

"How long have you been training like this?" She slides, rolling until she's lying on her stomach, looking up at Hanzo. It's an extremely vulnerable position, but if he really wanted to kill her, he'd have done it on the airship. As for the others in the room, she's willing to bet Hanzo would at least try to protect her for a short period of time, which would enable her to get to better ground. Hanzo is cold, but not ruthless. He's not the kind of person to sit back and watch someone die unless their death benefits him in some way; he'd kill her himself before he let someone else do it for him. 

The ninja shifts, leaning his back against the wall before responding. "I started training from the moment I could stand, but it has taken me until very recently to ascend to this level. What about you?" 

Her expression darkens. "I don't really want to talk about it." 

Hanzo frowns. "I've revealed much about myself. I think you owe me at least that much." 

"The only reason you said that much is because you can't stop yourself from talking," she retorts coolly, "I don't like giving away vital parts of my life in casual conversation, unlike some people." 

"You would insult me, after I've selflessly agreed to teach you, asking for nothing in return?" 

"Not an insult, just an observation." 

Hanzo glares at her, and-

It happens so fast, she doesn't even realize it's happening until there's a card embedded in the wall and Hanzo is holding his hand, blood spurting from a deep cut at the back of it. "What the-" 

"Careful, now." Esu looks just as amused as he always does, but this time he licks his lips. "I can usually hold myself back, but you two...excite me." The way he says the last two words hangs on the borderline between creepy and scary. "Don't count on me being able to do that again. Next time, I'll hit you straight in the head." 

Maybe she's reading into things a little bit too much, but why does Esu only look at Hanzo when he says that? Isn't she the one the magician wants to kill? 

Esu turns away, and the others who'd been watching their little altercation do, too. "That was close," Hanzo whispers, staring at his bleeding hand. "If my hand had been at a slightly different angle, he would've cut it off." 

She stares at him for a second before her eyes widen in realization. "You were going to hit me. That's why he threw the card." She facepalms, groaning, "That took me an embarrassingly long time. I swear, I'm a downright idiot!" 

Hanzo laughs, surprising her. "You're smarter than you give yourself credit for. I was going to hit you- not to kill you, of course, just to send you unconscious- but Esu threw right as I was raising my hand. He must've been watching us this entire time." 

"Yeah, he was. He still is, actually." 

"But..." Hanzo looks at her carefully, then looks over at Esu, "His eyes are closed. You're saying his powers of observation are that good?" 

"Easily. I'm not sure how, exactly, he's doing it- if his senses are superhumanly good or if it's something else- but he's definitely aware of at least everything within a twenty foot radius of himself." 

"Does that mean he can hear us?" 

She shrugs. "No clue. I'd say probably not; he can probably only get the general gist of our emotions and actions, not so much our words, but anything is possible. I wouldn't underestimate him." 

"Goz, applicant 371, is the eighth to pass. Total time: thirty hours and four minutes." 

An older man walks in, inspects the room, and goes to sit down nearby the huntsman and Pokkle. "Not very smart," Hanzo mutters. "He didn't even seem to notice my injury, or the card sticking out of the wall." 

"Or he just didn't care," she says, shrugging. "I wouldn't really care if I walked in and saw a bunch of applicants bleeding. After all, Esu has several injuries and he doesn't seem to be in a hurry to mend them." 

"Yeah, isn't that weird? You'd think his first priority would be to dress his wounds, yet he's done nothing. Does he not realize he's bleeding?" 

She thinks for a second. It's a definite possibility, and she tells him as much. "The few times I've seen him get hit or get into a fight, the only emotion he's ever expressed is, as weird as it sounds, pleasure. I'm pretty sure he's a masochist, or else just completely unaffected by pain." 

"I've met a few people like that in the course of my travels, though none of them were ever quite to Esu's extent of pain tolerance. He's definitely one of a kind." She makes a small noise of agreement, taking a huge gulp from her water bottle. 

"Well," Hanzo says, standing up, "Ready for round two?" 

 

* * *

 

"Sommy, applicant 118, is the thirteenth to pass. Total time: sixty-one hours and fifty-four minutes." 

 _A monkey? That's certainly an interesting thing to bring along with you to the Hunter Exam._ She's never much liked monkeys, to be honest. Too much mischief, not enough loyalty. Cats and dogs are so much better, in her opinion. 

It's now been over a day. She's lost count of the amount of times Hanzo has beaten her, whether it's in combat, amount of push-ups, or seconds of balance. However, even though her soreness has rendered her almost unable to move, she can steadily feel herself growing stronger. If she manages to keep up this training after the exam ends...

Hah, who is she kidding? She doesn't have the discipline to do that by herself. "Hey, Hanzo," she says casually, "What do you plan to do after the exam ends?" 

"Well, that depends on if I pass or not. If I don't, then I'll train so that I can try again next year. If I do...there's this scroll I've been seeking for many months. With a Hunter's license, it'll be much easier to find."

"Oh." She doesn't know why she feels strangely disappointed. She decides not to read too much into it.

"What about you?" 

"Me?" 

Hanzo gives her a look. "Don't tell me that's forbidden information, too." 

It isn't, but she decides to string him along, just to see his reaction. "Well..." 

"Come on, at this point I've basically told you my whole life story!" 

"That's because, for a ninja, you're really talkative." He huffs, but a cautious look at Esu, who looks as calmly amused and peaceful as ever, ensures he doesn't start trying to beat her up again. 

"Is there anything you  _can_ tell me?" 

"It's not really a question of  _can,_ more of do I  _want_ to. And the answer is no, I don't." He gives her a look and she half sighs, half laughs. "Okay. Um...I first started training when I was seventeen. I didn't really have a formal teacher, but I begged my closest friend at that time to teach me. He reluctantly agreed, even though he didn't know all that much more than I did." 

Neither of them notice the strange look that comes over Esu's face as she speaks, twenty feet away. Neither of them notice as Gittarackur looks over and makes eye contact with Esu, mouthing something mockingly that makes the red-haired man glare at him. 

"'At that time'?" Hanzo questions. After a few second's silence, he heaves a sigh. "I figured it was worth a try." 

She stays silent, frowning. It's been over sixty hours; why hasn't Gon appeared yet? Did Leopold screw up their chances entirely, or was it someone else on Gon's team? She doubts it was Gon himself, or Killua or Kurapika. All of them seem fairly smart, capable, and rational, although she supposes any of them could make a dire mistake if put under enough stress. 

Another applicant is announced. Concern begins to build in her stomach for Gon- why didn't she go with them? She should've tried to help him instead of selfishly looking out for herself.  _There is more than just you in this world, idiot,_ she thinks, grimacing, and suddenly she doesn't want to worry about them any longer. "Hey, Hanzo, how about another round of training?" 

"I thought you'd never ask." 

 

* * *

 

"One minute remains." 

The three brothers stand up, glancing briefly back down at the body on the ground. "Looks like it'll just be the nineteen here." 

 _Dammit, Gon!_ She clenches her jaw in frustration, already feeling the boy's disappointment as he fails the exam.  _If you'd just thought of someone other than yourself for one single instant..._ She thinks, wanting to hit herself.

She looks over at Esu. His lips quirk up. 

As if on cue, a door slides open. She looks up, eyes wide, as Kurapika, Killua, and Gon step in. All three look dirty, tired, and sad. She purses her lips; they must've had to make the same decision she did.

"Kurapika, applicant 404, is the twentieth to pass. Killua, applicant 99, is the twenty-first to pass. Gon, applicant 405, is the twenty-second to pass. Total time: seventy-one hours and fifty-nine minutes." 

Her sigh of relief is loud enough that it attracts Hanzo's attention. "What, you got a soft spot for them?" 

"You could say that." She stands up and starts towards them. For three kids who just had to beat up one of their friends and tie him to a wall, they definitely seem in high spirits. 

"My butt hurts..." Killua complains.

"I didn't expect a slide for the short and easy path," Kurapika groans, turning over and examining his blistered hands. 

"You guys made it! I was really worried for a while there," she says, walking over to them. 

"Si! I knew you'd make it through," Gon says happily, grinning.

"Leorio, the idiot, wasted us fifty hours. We're very lucky we made it at all," Killua grimaces. 

"Hey, I heard that!" 

Her eyes widen. Leopold? How? She turns and sees Leopold and Tonpa struggling through the door together, elbowing each other for first entry. "You took the short and easy path with five people? How?" 

Kurapika looks over at Gon fondly. "You know how the X and O doors are side-by-side, separated only by a wall? Gon figured out that the walls are very soft and easily breakable. We all chose the door for the long and difficult path, then cut a whole into the wall to sneak into the short and easy path."

"Gon, that's brilliant. You figured that out on the spot?" She's clearly underestimated his intelligence; Gon doesn't seem very smart in some things, but his instinct and ability to think under pressure are apparently superb. 

"Well, we'd gotten that far all together. I wasn't gonna let something like that separate us!"  _And that's where you and I are different, Gon._ She looks down.  _I didn't even have to think about it; I had no qualms knocking out two of my teammates in order to ensure I got through Phase Three._

"How'd you do, Si?" Killua asks. "Did you have a team, too?" 

She nods, reluctantly. Now that Gon's idea is out in the open, she wants to kick herself for not thinking up the same solution.  _Could you honestly get any more self-absorbed?You killed someone, then knocked two more people out, just to get what you wanted._ "Yeah. They're over there, somewhere." She gestures vaguely about in a circle, hoping no one will question her on where, exactly, they are, and how many made it through.

Of course, things just don't seem to be going her way today, because Kurapika asks, "How many made it through?" 

"All five of us are still alive," she answers guardedly. Understanding flashes in both Kurapika's and Killua's eyes in a heartbeat, and she's unable to look them in the eye. As much as she wants to think she isn't like Esu, as much as she'd like to believe the green-haired girl's words, a part of her wonders how correct Pokkle was with that comparison. 

Deep down, she has a bad feeling the answer is  _more than you'd like._

"Who were your teammates, Si?" Gon asks, eyes as curious and cheerful as ever; he obviously hasn't figured out what Kurapika and Killua did. 

"Um...I only know the name of one of them, Pokkle. He's over there." She curses herself as soon as she motions to the archer. Now that she's admitted she doesn't know them, there's no way Gon won't ask her to show him the other three so he can see if he knows them. But it seems that God is finally on her side, because the door to the outside opens, streaming light into the darkened cavern. 

As one, the twenty-four applicants stream out, blinking in the brilliant sunlight. She realizes it must be eight in the morning- after all, seventy-two hours is three days, so it should be around the same time as when they first went in. That's a sign of just how much her sleep schedule got messed up; she didn't sleep the entire twenty-six hours it took to finish, and then after that, she and Hanzo slept in shifts, not wanting to risk anything sitting in the same room as Esu. 

As she steps out, she looks around, smiling a little at the fresh air and sunlight she'd spent what feels like years without. In the distance, a small island sits, lush and green. Seeing as Phase One and Two were right next to each other, she thinks it's a fair guess that that island is where Phase Four will be held. 

A man with a mohawk and glasses steps in front of them. "Ladies and gentlemen, congratulations on having escaped Trick Tower. Only the Fourth Phase and Final Phase remain. The Fourth Phase will take place over there, on Zevil Island. Let us proceed." She smirks a little smugly. Called it.

He snaps his fingers and another man wheels along a cart holding a weird-looking box with arrows protruding from it. "I will need you to draw lots." 

"Lots?" Someone asks, another putting in, "For what?" 

The examiner smiles. It's in that moment that she realizes just how, and why, he was put in charge of a tower full of death row criminals. "To determine who will hunt and who will be hunted." He waves his hand over at the box, and continues, "In here are twenty-four numbered cards. In other words, your ID numbers are on the cards. Now, I need you each to draw a card in the order by which you exited the tower. Will the first person come forward?" 

Esu steps forward and reaches into the box. With his back turned to her, it's far easier to see the extent of the damage he'd taken; a bloody, fairly deep cut to the shoulder, and one on his side that looks like it only pierced through his clothing. Apparently there are benefits to dressing like a clown, after all. 

Gittarackur goes next, moves as disjointed as ever. As he reaches in to get his card, however, she thinks that his movements look rather over-kill. She's seen robots move before, and none of them looked quite that bad. Even though he seems, in every other respect, to imitate a machine perfectly, she wonders if maybe it's just that- an imitation. But why? 

Hanzo goes next, then the huntsman. Then it's her turn. She walks up, reaches in, and grabs a card, passing Pokkle on the way back. "Wow, Si, how'd you make it through so fast?" Gon whispers when she returns. 

"I did whatever I had to do to ensure I succeeded, that's all." She examines her card, hoping that by doing so, she can ignore any other questions he might have about her team. It has red backing on it; she really wants to cheat and peel it off, but figures she'd probably get caught and maybe disqualified if she did so. 

"He said something about hunting and being hunted. Does that mean we'll be fighting each other?" 

She opens her mouth to respond, but Killua beats her to it. "Probably." Kurapika goes up and Killua follows shortly after, whistling. Either Killua is that confident in his abilities, or he's very, very good at faking it. She's not sure which one is scarier. 

Gon, then Leopold, then Tonpa all grab their cards; as Tonpa walks back, the examiner speaks up again. "Everyone's taken a card?" When no one disputes him, he continues. "Then, remove the seal from your card. The card indicates your target." 

She stiffens in horror, instinctively covering up her ID badge with one hand even as she looks to see who her target is. She recognizes the tag after a few second's thought: it's the huntsman, Geretta. As she looks around, she notices Gon's face pale, but he angles the card in a way only he can see it. Everyone seems in varying states of fear, satisfaction, or confusion. _What do these cards mean? Are we expected to kill our targets?_

"The objective is to steal your target's ID tag. Naturally," the examiner continues, a sadistic gleam appearing in his eyes, "You're free to use any method you choose to steal the tags, including killing your target and taking the tag off the corpse." 

 _Esu looks way too happy with this,_ she thinks with disgust. Then he looks down at his tag (what? He hasn't even checked yet?) and his smile fades. He probably got Gittarackur or something; from what she's seen in the past two days, they at least seem to be buddies. Surely even Esu would hesitate to kill a friend.

"Listen carefully! Your target's ID tag is worth three points. Your own ID is also worth three points. All other ID tags are worth one point. You need six points to advance to the Final Phase, so while on Zevil Island, you must gather enough ID tags to total six points." 

Six points? That shouldn't be hard. Geretta is stealthy, but given enough time, he's bound to slip up at some point. She just needs to make sure she doesn't lose sight of him the entire Phase. 

Gripping her card tightly in one hand, she starts towards the boat. 


	5. Hunter and Hunted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, everyone!

"Whose number did you get?" Gon asks about five minutes into the voyage. She considers for a moment, wondering if it's safe to tell him, and decides it is. After all, who's he gonna tell? Killua? The assassin is the kind of boy who could, and probably will, take more than just one secret down to the grave. 

"384. Geretta, the huntsman. What about you?" 

Gon sits down with his back to the wall and motions for her to sit down with him. After carefully looking around to make sure no one but Killua is listening, he shows the card first to Killua, then to her. 

Her heart drops. #44. He got Esu. 

"44 is..." Killua stops. "Man, you have bad luck." He grimaces, showing them his own card. "I have no idea who this is. Do you?" 

"Nope," she says, looking over at Gon, who's... "Gon, are you excited or terrified? I'm having trouble telling which one." 

He sighs, looking at his card again. "Both, I guess? In a straight-up fight, I wouldn't stand a chance. But if I only need to steal his ID tag, then I have a real shot." Killua makes an agreeing noise and Gon continues, "Right now, I might actually have a chance. It scares me a little..." he takes a deep breath, "But I think it's worth it." The brightness in Gon's eyes is astounding. She can  _feel_ the determination pouring off him in waves, and to herself she thinks that if anyone could take Esu's name tag, it'd be Gon. 

Killua stands up, apparently unaffected by Gon's speech, and grabs his skateboard. "Well, let's all do our best." As he walks away, he stops, turning to face both of them. "Stay alive, alright? Both of you."

"You too, Killua!" 

"No promises." 

 

* * *

 

_"So, how are you planning on pulling this off?"_

_It's Wednesday, the day after she'd made the deal with Hisoka. She jumps, startled, and spins around to face the boy. "What do you mean? It's not like we're dating and I'd have to, like, kiss you or something."_

_"Well, generally friends have some kind of inside jokes, as well as a well-established comradery and, usually, at least some form of physical contact. I was going to leave you to figure all the details out yourself, since watching this whole thing crash and burn would be pretty entertaining, but figured I'd at least ask."_

_She glares at him. "Bastard."_

_He smirks, green eyes flashing in the bright lights of the school. "If you'd rather me not say anything and have us just improvise when we get there..."_

_"No, you're right. I should've thought this through." She heaves a frustrated sigh. "Well, we can't just_ build  _a fake friendship before Saturday..."_

 _"Exactly." Hisoka gives her a look that basically_ screams  _'how did it take you this long to figure that out?'. "I'm thinking you should just give this up. It's not going to work out, Y/N."_

_"Shut up. Ugh, having us pretend to date would be so much easier, all we'd need to do is-"_

_"I'm sorry, have you forgotten our deal?"_

_"No," she says crankily, "I haven't. Kindly pipe down and let me think for a moment, will you? I swear, do you even know how to do anything other than act like an annoying emo god with an ego problem and an annoying penchant for card tricks?"_

_Hisoka's eyes widen and he stares at her for a disturbingly long amount of time. She surreptitiously starts looking around for an escape, but is saved from any further trouble as he bursts out laughing._

_She stares at him, shocked, as he continues laughing and clutches a door-frame. His chest heaving, he gasps out between breaths, "That was the best thing I've heard in my entire life, oh my God. You're probably the most entertaining person I've ever talked to, by far." He laughs some more, finally regaining his composure and looking at her full-on. "Alright, you've won my respect. Do you want to hear my ideas about what we could do?"_

_She blinks. "I won your respect by telling you off?"_

_He shrugs, stepping forwards right into her personal space. She'd feel violated if she weren't also pretty much certain he doesn't even realize he's doing it. "Most people are too scared to have a straight up conversation with me. I've been around professional fighters since I was a baby, so I guess they expect that I've picked some things up from them. So hearing you tell me straight up what you think..." he considers for a moment, running a hand through his hair, "It was refreshing, I guess."_

_Hisoka's eyes are piercing, this weird greenish color that almost feels fake but is still kind of hypnotic. She finds she spends far too much time looking at them, but figures it's not like she's doing anything wrong, per se, so why not continue doing so? As it is, however, it takes her a few seconds to tear herself away from his eyes- not even because she was lost in them or any kind of weird crap like that, just because she was thinking! About something_ completely  _unrelated!_

_And, of course, Hisoka, being who he is, seizes on that moment instantly. "_ _Careful, don't wanna get lost in my eyes, babe." He winks. "I don't know if I could pull you out."_

_Her face turns crimson and she shoves at him. "You're the inappropriate one! Do you have no concept of personal space? And I was_ not  _'lost' in your eyes, I was thinking!"_

 _Hisoka doesn't budge. "Ah, so you admit you_ were  _looking at them?"_

_Honestly, at this point, she could probably trade places with a fire hydrant and no one would be any wiser. "S-Shut up! W-What were your ideas about, uh, what we could..." she trails off. There really aren't any ways she could possibly finish that sentence without making it sound even more suggestive._

_Thankfully, though, he seems to take pity on her, because he sobers up and backs off, returning to a normal space of about two feet away. "Friendship is grown when two people share about their lives, right? Or, at least, that's the gist of friendship. So what if we forced it? Instead of," he makes air quotes, "'Organically' growing the friendship, since it's fake, we could just look up quizzes online and answer them. Maybe share our life stories while we're at it. What do you say?"_

"That's  _your idea? Answering quizzes and swapping sob stories?"_

_He looks at her. She sighs. "Well, I can't think of anything better. I guess that's what we'll do, then."_

_"Great. Do you want to start today after school?"_

_Since when is Hisoka actually_ more  _enthusiastic about this than she is? She shakes her head a little on the inside, but gives a reluctant nod outwardly. "Yeah, sounds good."_

 

It's been five, almost six years, since she first met Hisoka. Somehow, thinking about him still stings, albeit much less than it used to. In the first few days after he'd left, it had been awful. She doesn't remember it all that well, to be honest. Emptiness, pain, and anger dulled the memories until she's not really sure what actually happened, but what little she does recall isn't good.

She remembers emptiness. Emptiness so strong she couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't do anything but stare at a wall, dry-eyed, unable to even cry. She remembers her mom coming in and attempting to comfort her, saying things like  _you deserve so much better than him_ and  _it'll get better someday, I promise._ She remembers drinking hot chocolate, eating whole pints of ice cream, hoping that something, somehow, would fill that empty hole inside her that used to be Hisoka. 

She remembers pain. She remembers that day, six days after Hisoka disappeared, when she finally broke down. Her mom was there, again, this time with her favorite food and a hug and the words  _just cry it all out. You'll feel better after you do._ She remembers refusing to eat, to drink, to do anything but sit in her room and cry. 

She remembers anger. When her apathy had finally starting abating, leaving her a drained, hollow shell, her parents had showed her his note. Hisoka's note. She remembers tearing it up in a surge of fury, scattering the pieces across her room, grief gone and only the feeling of betrayal- of heartbreak- remaining. Hisoka had abandoned her. He hadn't cared one whit what he was doing to her, nor had his time with her mattered to him at all. 

To her, it had been everything.  _He_ had been everything. Too late, she realizes that that was her mistake. It's not healthy to let one person become your everything, because once you lose them, you have nothing left- you  _are_ nothing. 

A week later, her anger slowly drained. She went back to school, trying to finish her last semester before college, and felt empty. Every night, she wondered...why? Why had he left? She remembers lying in bed, vision blurred, quiet, choking sobs lodging themselves in her throat, and asking, bargaining God- please, bring him back, I'll do  _anything._ She remembers wondering if she was enough, if she was ever enough. If Hisoka had just grown tired of her and left. 

After that, her apathy came back. She doesn't remember the exact number of days, of weeks she spent like that, but knows it was the better part of a year. She stopped feeling, stopped thinking, and started just existing. Her parents sent her to a therapist, but the therapist made no headway. "She has to want to get better," the doctor had said, "And she doesn't. There's nothing I can do until she starts  _wanting_ this." 

She didn't want that. She didn't  _want_ any of that. The only thing she wanted was Hisoka back- but even that wouldn't fix anything, would it? Because, in the end, he'd never once cared for her the way she did for him. 

She stayed that way for months. Her parents were worried sick- they monitored her every hour of the day, terrified she'd hurt or kill herself. She took a gap year, refusing to go to college or do anything. She spent most of her time in her room or in nature, wandering around the forests and hills near her home for days on end. It made for many clashes with her parents, but she ceased to care after the fourth time. 

Then, one day, something changed. It was almost a year later, and she'd finally summoned the will to walk around town. She felt, and probably looked, awful. She hadn't showered for probably five days and hadn't changed clothes in the same amount of time, so she both looked and smelled pretty bad. As she walked up to a community building, she saw a group of boys, maybe twelve or so. They were huddled in a circle, talking excitedly among themselves, and as she'd approached she saw why. 

One of the boys, a pale, chiseled-jaw one, was building a tower out of cards. The others were all watching, awe and excitement in their eyes, and as she'd watched them, something had changed. Something had shifted into place in her chest, and as she'd taken a deep breath, something else had happened. 

She'd watched the boy build his card tower, something Hisoka had loved doing, and she'd smiled. And, in that moment, she'd accepted it. She accepted everything that had happened. Not because she thought it was okay- not because it was a good thing that Hisoka had left her without a backwards glance- but because it had happened, and denying it was useless. Instead of walking around like a zombie, she needed to learn to live with it. 

So she'd given one last glance to the boys and walked away, and somehow her heart felt lighter than it ever had. 

 

* * *

 

But enough reminiscing. She has a job to do. 

As fifth, she walks onto the island two minutes after her target, Geretta, does. She goes into Zetsu in case Gittarackur or Esu are around (and also because Zetsu makes it harder for her to be tracked by anyone, even people who can't use Nen) and climbs up a nearby tree, hoping her target hadn't managed to get very far.

She's in luck, because she spots him after a few second's search. Honestly, for a huntsman, he is  _not_ good at hiding himself. He's hiding in some of the long, tall grass this island seems to have plenty of, holding his precious blowgun and...waiting. Not surprising, given as the seventh person is only just getting off the ship. With twenty-four applicants, Geretta probably has a while to wait- and that's assuming he knows who his target is. 

When he doesn't budge for at least thirty minutes, she almost starts to wonder if maybe that's it- maybe he  _won't_ move. Maybe his game plan is just to stay here the entire exam and wait for someone to challenge him. But, finally, as Gon walks off the boat, Geretta shifts, sinking into the shadows. She suppresses a groan. Out of all the people her target had, it had to be Gon, didn't it? Well, at least this way, she'll be able to keep an eye on both of them. 

Gon looks around, muttering something she can't hear but looks like "I have to find Esu". Geretta shifts the slightest bit, crunching a leaf. When she looks back, a slight bit of shock and sympathy is on the guy's face- when she focuses on his lips, he seems to be saying, "that poor kid." In all truth, she agrees. Luck was really not on Gon's side with that one. 

She gathers herself, leaping from her tree onto one a few feet away, eyes narrowed as she follows the two around. Gon appears oblivious to this entire thing- did he not even stop to think that, even as he targets someone, someone else will be targeting him, too? 

Speaking of...she looks around carefully. She can't sense anyone other than the three of them, but she's been tracked too many times to believe that that's true. She knows there are others nearby, most likely others that are targeting her, and wishes she knew how to use En. If she'd only had a competent teacher...

But, now that she thinks about it, En wouldn't really help her in this one. The Nen ability only stretches to a certain length; for most people, less than two hundred feet. It's good for when you're in a cave or a building, but in a jungle, being hunted...snipers can shoot from several hundred feet away, at least. No person's En could possibly be extended to as far as she would need it to go in this situation, and she doesn't want to take the trouble of trying to teach herself En and make herself a sitting duck in the process. 

For several hours, there's nothing. Gon doesn't really do much except talk to himself. When he finally gets out of his tree, he makes towards a creek and spends the rest of the day manhandling his fishing pole, apparently trying to practice so he can snag Esu's tag. His sheer obliviousness starts to get on her nerves in the second day, when Geretta walks a quarter mile away or so to relieve himself (she really wants to attack him then and there but restrains herself) and walks back, noticeably crunching a few sticks as if to see just how much he could do without Gon noticing him.

Apparently, it's a lot. Even though the huntsman's movements are nearly noiseless as he watches, she's stunned that Gon, with his excellent senses, still doesn't seem the slightest bit suspicious. Surely, if Gon's taste buds and nose are so highly refined, his ears must be, too? Yet the second day passes by without him even bothering to look around once or sniff the air, or anything. She finally decides he must know he's being followed, but that doesn't make sense- he's leaving himself completely open to attack, and as he doesn't have Nen, completely defenseless against a sniper, or in this cause, a blowgun. Geretta could've shot him over a hundred times by now. 

"I did it!" Gon collapses onto the ground, watching as the bird he'd just caught flutters away. Well, she has to give him credit for his tenacity. He'd taught himself how to hunt in, what, two days? Impressive, but still stupid and reckless. He could've been killed a hundred times over by now! Below her, she sees Geretta's expression and knows he's thinking the same thing, albeit with much more smugness and a lot less frustration.  

Gon scrambles to his feet eagerly, before wincing. When he opens his right hand, she sees why- it's covered in blisters, most of which have already popped and are oozing blood. The boy mumbles an ow, before grinning, muttering something to himself (she catches the word Esu and that's it) and clenching his right hand in a fist. After a second, he blanches and this time his  _ow!_ is a whole lot louder. Despite her frustration at his one-track mind, she can't help but smile a little. She's honestly growing quite fond of Gon and his determination, even if it's the whole reason she's annoyed with him right now. 

Within an hour, he's finally on the move, using hemotrophic butterflies to lead him to Esu- a brilliant idea she would've never even thought of, in all honesty. She's beginning to see that even though Gon doesn't have what's considered 'normal' intelligence, he's smart in his own, wild way: he has the ability to come up with creative and effective ideas on the spot, all of which, so far at least, have seemed to work, and all of which are ideas she'd never have considered herself.

It takes a few hours, but finally the butterflies lead them all to Esu, who's sitting at the base of a tree, as calm as ever. He still hasn't cleaned up his wound (has he even noticed it?), seeming to be perfectly content to be surrounded by butterflies all day long. Gon kneels down on the ground, grasping his fishing pole. Fear is written all over his face, and she notices cold sweat drip down his cheeks. Poor kid.

After a few seconds, Gon takes a deep breath and stops his trembling, calming down. Good.

Several more hours pass; neither Esu nor Gon make a move, but after a while, a new man comes into the equation, watching Esu from a spot very close to Gon. _Not_ good; if Esu noticed the new man coming, or if the new guy makes a move, it could very easily flush Gon out, as well.

"Well, come on out. I know you're there." She pales, fighting back a curse. Dammit. She doubts it's Gon he's talking to; he wouldn't have waited that long to confront Gon. However, if it's the new guy...Gon could very possibly be in danger, especially if he didn't notice his new stalking buddy and thinks Esu is talking to him.

Esu gathers himself gracefully, rising to his feet with ease despite his wounds. "If you won't come out, I'll come to you." As he starts towards the two males, she notices Gon start to tense up.  _He must've not noticed the other guy join him,_ she realizes with horror.  _Knowing Gon, he'll reveal himself before the other man does._

Esu stops a few feet away, a bored expression on his face. She barely breathes. Then, to her immense relief, the other guy springs up, revealing both himself and his impressive-looking spear. "I challenge you to a duel," he declares.

Her eyebrows raise. What? 

Esu smirks. "You'll die."

Her eyes narrow when she sees a butterfly flit from Esu to the other man. From the looks of it, he's going to anyway. The man steps forward, readying himself. With a yell, he springs forward, swinging his spear. Esu dodges as easily as breathing. 

She has to give the other guy credit; he's definitely good with his spear; in fact, he's probably one of the best spearmen she's seen in a while, even while wounded. Esu, however, doesn't even seem to break a sweat. He dances around the clearing, deftly avoiding each strike with an ease that leaves her both awed and envious. She's fast, but not nearly as fast as Esu, and that's with her Nen ability. 

The spearman pauses, gathering his strength, and unleashes a huge blow that probably would've gutted Esu if it had hit him. Instead, the magician dodges. The blow intended for him cuts the tree he was standing in front of...in half. As it topples and the dust clears, the spearman gasps, panting, "Esu, explain yourself. Why won't you attack me?" 

"If I continue to avoid your attacks, you'll die eventually." His eyes are ice-cold and calculating; an equally cold smirk finds its way to his face. "I can tell from the swarm of hemotrophic butterflies that your wounds are grave. Someone has already dealt you a fatal blow, yes? Although I do understand your desire to die in battle." 

"If you..." the man coughs, breaths rasping, "If you understand so much, why do you still refuse to fight me!?" 

Esu turns away. "I have no interest in the dead." 

"I'm not yet-"

"You're already dead. It's in your eyes." He looks back briefly before turning around again and walking away, sitting down on the tree stump as he watches the man with that same, ever-present look of smug amusement. "Bye, bye." 

She sees it coming a fraction of a second in advance. The man thrusts the butt of his spear into the ground and forces himself onto his feet, making one last, desperate charge for Esu-

And is stopped dead in his tracks by a needle planted in his throat. She stifles her gasp, confined only to watching as a half dozen more pins fly through the air, all embedding themselves into their target's face. Everything seems to happen in slow motion: wildly grappling at the air, terror in his eyes, he slowly falls backwards, hitting the ground with a heavy thunk. 


	6. Bloodlust

Gittarackur emerges into the clearing. "Sorry about that. I carelessly let him escape." 

Esu doesn't even move. "Liar. He probably begged you to grant him one final wish, yes?" 

"Well, I felt sorry for the guy. And he was dead either way." 

"You should cease pitying enemies who serve no purpose." 

If it were possible for a machine to roll his eyes, Gittarackur probably would've done it. He moves his arms upwards in a shrug, creaking with every motion. "You've done it before, haven't you? You've walked away from opponents before finishing them." Her breath catches in her throat as she realizes he must be talking about her, Gon, and Leopold. 

"I have standards. I'm not interested in people who serve no purpose. I only spare those whose deaths would go to waste." Esu looks up, finally making eye contact with Gittarackur. "What about his tag?" 

"Oh, I already took it. I have six points now, so I don't need this one. You can have it." He tosses Esu a tag. 

"Whose tag is this?" 

"It belonged to some guy who tried to snipe me. He pissed me off, so I killed him. Well, then..." he takes a pin out of his head, and his hair changes color, turning from purple to black. A bad feeling begins to grow in her stomach as he continues to take the rest of them out, face beginning to move around and shift. Esu comments about it being interesting to watch, implying that this is a regular occurrence with him. The bad feeling in her stomachs grows. 

"It's pretty hard on me..." even Gittarackur's voice is changing, and horror begins to build as the man's face solidifies and he opens dark, expressionless eyes and says, "I feel much better." 

 _No._ Because that man isn't Gittarackur. That man is...is...

_Deep breaths. Keep your Zetsu; don't go into Ren. Don't go into Ren. That's the worst mistake you could make._

That man is...is the man she hates most. The man who destroyed her friends, taking first their will to live and then their very lives. The man who'd tried to do the same thing to her. Ever wonder why she hates rapists? Because this man, Illumi Zoldyck, is one. Ever wonder why she wants to become a Hunter? It had had nothing to do with Hisoka- he's only a memory, now, and she'd ceased to think of him almost entirely until recently. It had had everything to do with Illumi, the dead-eyed man who'd raped two of her closest friends and then, two weeks later, killed first one, then the other. Leaving her, once again, with nothing.

Apparently, putting your everything into two people is just as bad as putting everything into one, because if both of them are taken, you're still back at square one. 

"Well, I'll just sleep here until the final day. Good luck." Illumi ducks underground and piles dirt over his head, disappearing completely. Her lip curls and, not for the first time, she wishes she had a weapon strong enough to kill him. If Esu would just move...after all, wouldn't it only be poetic justice if the same man who'd taken one of her friends in her sleep and murdered her was killed that same way? 

Esu doesn't budge for the greater part of the night. She feels herself growing frustrated; what's even going on inside the man's head? Is anything? But finally he stands up, fingering the ID badge, and says, "Well, I need two more points. I suppose I should go hunt someone." 

He moves, heading out of the clearing. Gon and Geretta move with him, but she pauses, torn. If she follows them now, she might never get a good chance to do this again. She seriously doubts Illumi Zoldyck would willingly allow himself to become vulnerable. She starts down the tree, readying herself for what she's about to do, before she freezes, reason slamming into her with the force of a hurricane.

 _'I seriously doubt Illumi Zoldyck would willingly allow himself to become vulnerable'._ All along, Illumi has had the advantage. He was disguised as Gittarackur the entire time; she, however, was not disguised in any way that would make her unrecognizable. There's no way Illumi  _didn't_ recognize her immediately. Meaning...

What if he knows she's out there, watching? She hadn't seen him coming, even from her vantage point and with all her experience tracking people. He could easily have come in from behind her, seen her, and then moved around so he came into the clearing opposite from her. In fact, this whole thing could be a set-up. 

 _Or,_ she tries to reason with herself,  _it might not be. How is Illumi to know exactly where you are? You aren't even his target; he has no reason to be following you around or even looking out for you._

Except for the fact that escaping him probably dealt a huge blow to his ego. Which, in all honesty, begs the question- why hasn't he done anything to her before? He's had at least a half-dozen opportunities: in the airship, in the cavern for two days straight, even during Phase Two when they were jumping off a freaking cliff. It wouldn't have been hard to jump behind her and make sure she was too off-balance to grab onto the web. 

She heaves a frustrated sigh. The only thing she knows is that she simply doesn't know. She has no idea what's going through the assassin's head. To try and kill him now would incur more risk than benefit, and, added to that, her target is getting farther away with every second she dithers. So, hoping she won't live to regret this choice later, she leaps from the tree and lands almost noiselessly in the next one over. She keeps her eyes fixed on the three men and continues, jumping from tree to tree until there's a sudden halt in the strange procession. 

Esu stands at the top of a ridge, looking down around him for any potential targets. As his gaze sweeps towards her, she stiffens, not even daring to breathe, but it passes over her in an instant. Then a slow grin spreads over his face and he licks his lips (because he couldn't get any creepier). In about three jumps, he's down from the ridge, a hound eager for the kill. 

It strikes her in that moment how almost laughable her situation is: she's stalking Geretta, her target, who's stalking Gon, his target, who's stalkingEsu,  _his_ target, who's now stalking a target himself. The only thing that would make this situation any better would be if Esu's target were actually her, making a perfect square. A continuing line of targets, if you will. 

Gon jumps on top of the ridge after Esu, and his eyes widen with terror. He's facing at a weird angle, so she can't read his lips, but she has a feeling she knows what's wrong; whoever Esu decided to target is someone Gon likes, most likely Killua, although she supposes it could also be Kurapika or Leopold. 

Gon starts running, she and Geretta picking up the pace as well to keep sight of him. He's surprisingly quiet as he sprints, something that is definitely coming in handy with this entire Phase. He skids to a stop about a minute later, hiding in the underbrush as Esu struts into full view, leaning on a tree. Kurapika and Leopold, Esu's apparent targets (and she can see why he wants them; it's two birds with one stone. What psychopathic murderer could possibly resist the chance to kill not only one, but two people at once?) are unknowingly moving towards him, all while arguing. 

"Isn't walking around aimlessly a waste of energy?" 

Kurapika gives Leopold a rather dry look. "Constantly whining would be an even bigger waste of energy."  _You tell 'em, boy._

"You already have six points, so you're finished," the older man complains, "but if I don't find my targe-" 

As one, they gasp. 

"Hey." Esu gives a grin like he'd just invited them to an exclusive VIP meeting. 

"Esu!" 

"Imagine meeting you here," Esu says, like he hadn't just been stalking them so he could kill them and take their ID tags for points. 

"I keep running into people I don't want to meet," Leopold says. Leopold 1, Esu 0.  

"You see, I need two more points. Could you give me your tags?"

"What was that?!" Leopold snaps, looking furious. "Screw that! I'm not gonna-"

"Leorio!" Kurapika fixes his gaze firmly on Esu. "You said that you need two additional points, which implies that we are not your targets, correct?" 

"I'm the one who's asking the questions here. Will you give me your tags or not?" The clear danger laced into Esu's words should've at least made some impression, but Kurapika doesn't even flinch. She has to say, she definitely admires him for his steady mental fortitude. 

"That depends. We currently have four tags: mine, my target's, Leorio's, and a tag only worth a single point to us. Of these, only two could be the number of your target: either mine, or the tag only worth a single point. Leorio's number is 403. He was the target of 16, Tonpa, who was my target. Each person was assigned a different target, so 403 and 16 are out." 

"Indeed...neither of those is my target. So?" 

When Kurapika speaks again, it's with a hint more nerves. She marvels he can even keep it together; if it were her, it's probable she'd be a lot less calm. "That leaves the other two tags. If you're willing to take the tag worth only one point to us and leave, you can have it. But I will not let you have mine. The same goes for the other two." Kurapika and Leopold drop their bags on the ground. "If you insist on taking them by force," the blond boy says, "you'll have to fight me!"

 _Good...but not good enough._ Esu enjoys fighting- enjoys killing. Kurapika's argument is well constructed, but it has one fatal flaw- it assumes that Esu doesn't  _want_ to fight them. She's fairly certain he does. 

Esu covers his face with his hand, and starts...laughing? Looking more creeped out than nervous now, Kurapika and Leopold stare, wide-eyed, as Esu continues laughing for several seconds.  _Why does that laugh sound familia-_ she clutches her head, wincing, and looks around. Nothing seems to have fallen on her head, so why it suddenly started hurting is beyond her. 

After a few seconds, Esu finally stops laughing, one golden, cat-like eye visible from beneath his hand. "Out of curiosity, what is your number?"

"404." 

Silence. Esu closes his eyes and removes his hand from his face. "Very well." A joker card appears in his hand; with one flick of the wrist, it's gone. Her headache intensifies, but she barely pays heed; more important things are happening right now. "You have a deal. I'll only take the one tag."

Kurapika 1, Esu 0. Her eyebrows raise in surprise. Kurapika had indeed played it right; she has no idea what changed Esu's mind, but it seems he won't be killing them tonight. Unless this is just a ploy to catch them off their guard. 

"I'll leave it here." 

"Don't worry. I'll be standing here for a while." 

Leopold and Kurapika cautiously back away, leaving Esu standing by himself. Her gaze flicks briefly from him to Geretta to Gon, and lingers. The poor boy looks a cross between relieved, terrified, and exhausted. She sees a drop of his sweat hit the earth and gives him a sympathetic look. 

Esu laughs again, softer. "In only a few days, they've grown so much I barely recognize them," he murmurs, quiet enough she has to strain to hear. "But they have much more to learn...why must unripe fruit be so tantalizing?" Ew.Gross. Did Esu just call a pair of boys 'unripe fruit'? 

He reaches in, grabs the tag, and flips it over. "A pity. This is the wrong tag."

Looking over, she sees Gon's features ticking to his own internal monologue. She admits it's a bit entertaining, but she can sense Gon's worry over grabbing Esu's tag, which makes it a fair bit less so. Esu lets a hemotrophic butterfly alight on his fingers, so pale she swears he looks like he's wearing gloves, before crushing it into his fist. When he opens his hand up, a half-dozen butterflies are in there; she watches as they flit away and frowns. What kind of Nen was tha-

 _Oh my God._  Blind terror washes over her. Esu's Ren is like nothing she's ever felt before. She's felt hostile Ren for years- blood-lust is nothing new to her, but Esu's is raw and hungry and so powerful it's panic-inducing. Purple is all she can see, all she can feel.

Her very soul longs to run away from this- whatever Esu is doing, it is not. natural. As she looks around, Geretta and Gon are in a similar state, as are- huh. That's new. Someone else is following them around; someone from the Hunter Association, maybe? She doesn't recognize him at all, but maybe her terror is making it hard for her to remember faces. 

Esu's Ren grows. She feels like she's suffocating in waves of purple, drowning in the man's blood-lust. She'd thought that Illumi's wrath was awful, but even that was nothing compared to the man in front of her. 

He doesn't even look  _human._

"Uh oh," he murmurs. Even his voice is saturated in sadism and blood-lust. "Those boys got me all tingly. I must calm it."  _Don't tell me he's_ _going to masturbate in the clearing._ Her lip curls in disgust, before she abruptly realizes that's not quite what he meant. Somehow, this guy is so screwed up that he thinks of killing as something that's as pleasurable as sex. 

Reining in her terror and disgust, she's stuck here, waiting. Until Esu makes his move. 

 

* * *

 

The next few hours are some of the longest of her life. She, Gon, Geretta, and the Hunter all sit there, terrified, too scared to look yet too afraid to look away. As the stars dim and the moon sets, Esu's Ren fades slowly and she finally allows herself to breathe. Her very soul feels sickened by what it just witnessed, like she's been corrupted. She wants to go far, far away from here, but that isn't an option. She has a target, and she has to protect Gon. And, the most important thing of all, she has to become a Hunter to ensure people like Illumi won't get to walk free. 

It's past eight when Esu finally moves. As he turns around, her breath catches in her throat and she stares, transfixed, at the dead eyes and vacant, murderous shell he's become. 

Gon races ahead, clambering up a tree to scout for Esu's next prey. She doesn't pause, continuing her tree-trek via jumping. Esu's eyes are worse than dead- they're soulless. Even Illumi has never filled her with fear like Esu does, and given everything Illumi both did and tried to do to her and her friends, that's saying something. 

Geretta is trailing farther behind now, terror and unease still clearly in his eyes. She's only barely recovered from the fear herself. She looks down again, watching Esu walk. She's never seen a zombie before, but if they existed, she has a feeling Esu would look exactly like one. 

Gon is so far ahead now she has to strain to see him. Increasing her pace, she practically sprints across the tree-tops until she gets to where he'd stopped. As she looks around, she sees why Gon had chosen that spot: if she's not wrong, this is exactly where Esu and his new target, an elderly man, will cross paths. Geretta stops so far back she can barely see him; the Hunter tracking the four of them stops a little farther in. She narrows her eyes, preparing to jump in for Gon should Esu, still oozing murder, sense him, and-

What? 

Eyes widening, she looks down at Gon to make sure he's still there. When she finds he hasn't moved an inch, she abruptly realizes. Gon's somehow gone into Zetsu. That's right- the kid somehow taught  _himself_ how to hide his aura. In like, ten seconds. 

It's in that moment that she realizes just how great Gon's potential really is. He taught himself one of the four basic principles of Nen, without even knowing anything about it- without even knowing how to control his aura in the least. If he ever gets the chance to learn Nen from an actual teacher...she bets he'd be able to master it even faster than she. 

As she scans the soon to be battlefield again, Esu's presence also disappears. After a few second's recollection, she realizes he'd hidden his presence before Gon had, she just hadn't been paying attention.  _If you aren't careful, something like that's going to get you killed, idiot._ The old man is still completely unaware, until-

Esu charges. An unearthly shriek launches itself from his mouth and a card appears between his fingers.  _He's not even going to make it a fair fight,_ she realizes.  _He just wants to kill someone._ The old man draws his sword, but it's too late- Esu is upon him before he can even blink. Gon chooses that moment to swing his fishing pole. It lands with unerring precision right where Gon had wanted it to: Esu's name tag. With a tug, Gon pulls it back. The tag is hooked on and flies through the air, landing safely in Gon's hands. 

 _Well done, Gon._ Esu stands, several feet away from his target, as the other man falls to the ground with a crunch, blood spurting from a cut in his neck. Then his eyes catch Gon's and he turns, a cross between surprised and excited. Fear spikes from Gon and his Zetsu falters as he flees, disappearing into the underbrush. Geretta follows Gon closely- much more closely than before, meaning he's about to make his move, but she's too busy watching Esu. 

"Well, well, well. This one, too, has grown so quickly. But it seems he's about to find himself in trouble. I should probably go and...offer my services." Once again, she finds herself surprised and a little bit awed by Esu's powers of perception. Even though he didn't seem to notice Gon tailing him, he clearly noticed Geretta's movements, or at least sensed his aura. The only reason she's still sitting there undetected is because of her Zetsu. 

She skims through the trees, following only a few steps behind Esu. He's almost silent as he walks, and seemingly does so without effort- he's clearly not trying to hide himself. Esu is just naturally that quiet. He could easily rival Gon, but Killua is even quieter than either of them. 

 _Must be a Zoldyck thing,_ she thinks bitterly. Up ahead, she sees Gon freeze mid-run. Her heart in her throat, she skips a tree, leaping onto one over twenty feet away.  _No. Geretta wouldn't kill him, would he?_ Gon is falling, falling, falling. He hits the ground what feels like eons later, as she's jumping onto another branch. The huntsman emerges from the brush, blowgun in hand. She's still too far away to do anything but watch as he bends down and takes Gon's two tags, says something, and walks away. 

Fury rises in her. How dare he- how dare he take advantage of a  _kid-_ an extremely talented and mature kid, but a kid nonetheless- how dare he lie in wait for a mere child, waiting until he'd finally won just to catch him off-guard in his moment of victory? How dare he? 

The next tree she leaps to is so far away she thinks for a moment she won't land it, but in her anger she ends up almost overshooting, precariously balancing on the thin branch. In that moment, she knows exactly what she's going to do. She'll do exactly what he just did to Gon- track him down and catch him unawares in his moment of victory. She is  _sick_ of people who take advantage of and prey on the weak, the wounded, the unaware. As he is now, Gon is all of that- he's weak. She realizes he's a prodigy, with more talent than she's ever seen in anyone, kid or not, but right now, untrained as he is, he's weak. And for some guy who's trained all his life to take advantage like that...

 _There. In the trees._ He's not even running, the bastard- just walking like he's taking a stroll through the park. She leaps to a higher branch and shields her eyes, looking around to try and spot a nearby clearing Geretta might stop at. It'd be quite difficult fighting the huntsman is his native element, but up close, even without her Nen, he stands no chance. Hanzo's training combined with what she'd already learned has made her a fairly tricky opponent, at least for the average human. For someone like Esu, obviously, she's nothing more than a gnat buzzing at his face. 

Once she's figured out Geretta's most likely destination, she resumes her trek skimming through the treetops. She endeavors to move faster than he, wanting to get to the clearing ahead of him, and passes him several hundred yards before, jumping over the last few trees and landing, hopefully silently, in the middle of the clearing. She makes no move to hide herself, knowing Geretta won't run. He's arrogant enough to think he can beat her. 

"Are you the one that's been tracking me for the past few days?" Her eyes widen a little; so he noticed. She says nothing, knowing he'd already have gotten his answer. "That was some pretty skilled tracking. If I hadn't constantly been on the lookout, I wouldn't have noticed a thing."

"Speaking of being tracked, did you also happen to notice the guy from the Hunter Association that was following us?" 

"Of course. He's a whole lot less skillful than you." He heaves his blowgun. "Now, I'm going to assume you saw that whole exchange between me and the kid, and want a tag. Since I already know neither 405 nor 44 are your targets, I'm gonna guess you want mine. But just know that I won't be going down easy." Without hesitation, he aims the gun at her and fires. 

 _Seriously? That was low._ Glaring at him, she catches the dart with three fingers, making sure it doesn't pierce her flesh. As a huntsman, there's a high probability his darts contain some kind of paralytic or poison. Briefly, concern flares for Gon's condition, but she pushes it aside. She needs to focus on Geretta right now; she can worry about Gon later. 

"I already know you won't. But that's okay, I like a challenge." She also wants to try out some of her new tricks in actual combat. "Now, do tell me you actually know how to fight, without resorting to that coward's tool. It's gonna get really annoying if I have to continually catch your stupid darts." 

"More than that, it'll get exhausting. You'll screw up at some point, so all I need to do is keep firing." He aims his gun at her again. She suppresses a groan, calculating. The closer she gets to him, the shorter reaction time she'll have, which means that it'll get harder to catch the darts, and even harder to make sure they don't pierce her skin. However, between each use, he has to load it again, which gives her a few second interval in which she can fight him. 

The dart speeds through the air. She catches it again and backs away a few steps. She's fast, but not fast enough to move all the way from where she is now to him in the time it takes for him to reload. She could try gradually decreasing their distance, but it's probable Geretta will just start backing up.  _Dammit. This is where Nen would really come in handy, if I were actually allowed to use it._

She catches the next dart, too, and considers, examining it. Would it be possible to...another dart flies towards her, which she catches in her other hand. _Well, it's all or nothing._  She sprints towards the huntsman and flings the darts, barely managing to catch his next one as he shoots. He frantically tries to load the next one, but by then it's too late- her dart hits him in the throat and he collapses within seconds. 

"What's that saying?" she muses, reaches into his pocket and withdrawing Esu's and Gon's tags. "You got a taste of your own medicine." she looks him over. "Huh. I was expecting something a little more elaborate, but it's just a bit of muscle relaxant, isn't it?" she rifles through the rest of his belongings, finally pulling out his tag. "Well, I guess the only thing left to say is, 'try again next year'." she gives him a cold smile and starts walking away. 

"No, I don't think he'll be trying again, ever." She whips around, eyes wide, but it's too late- Esu has already slit Geretta's throat. The taller man slowly straightens, regarding her with a smile. "Have you been following me all along? I could sense somebody nearby, but it wasn't you or Gon. It must've been this guy." He looks down at the dead man distastefully. 

Endeavoring to keep calm, she replies, "There's someone from the Hunter Association tailing us. I didn't notice them until last night, but they've probably been following at least one of us since the very beginning of this Phase. He seemed to be in Zetsu, but he wasn't very good." She looks around. "He doesn't seem to be around now, though. You probably scared him off with the whole I-want-to-kill-anything-that-breathes thing you had going on earlier." 

Esu looks mildly surprised. She curses herself for acting so comfortable around him- he's a psychopath and a murderer many times over. She should be terrified to speak with him, yet- she clutches her head, wincing. 

"Something wrong with your head?" Esu doesn't seem overly concerned, almost like he already knows the answer. 

She forces herself to keep her expression clear. "No, nothing. The sun's just a bit bright. I've spent the last two days hidden in a bunch of trees." 

"Hm." He steps towards her; she moves back. "Well, I came here for one purpose. I want that tag." 

"Like hell you're getting it back!" She snaps, finally letting her Ren show. It feels good to not hold it back any more, even though she knows how pitiful it is in comparison to Esu's Ren. "Gon won it far and square. He tracked you for days, practiced with his fishing pole until his hands were blistered, and then fucking taught  _himself_ Zetsu, just to get that tag." She tilts her chin up and stares him down. "I might not be very powerful, but believe me when I say this: if you want your tag back, you're going to have to take it from my cold, dead body."

She's not sure what she expects in his response. Maybe a laugh, or another show of his murderous Ren, but all he does is start clapping. "Bravo, bravo. I see my little Gon's won himself some friends in the bargain." He sounds pleased (and creepy as heck; 'my little Gon'?), but his eyes look...sad? Her headache increases. "However, you've gotten one thing wrong. I don't want  _my_ tag." 

He grins, eyes gleaming gold. "I want yours." 


	7. Defeat and Disgrace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a random side note, you know that episode where Hisoka's trying to alert Killua that Illumi's there and he's like "Can I kill Killua?" Apparently in the manga, the actual Japanese word used is simply a verb that translates as 'do'. In the anime, it's translated 'kill', but in actuality it can also mean do as in have sex with. And in the anime, the hand motion Hisoka says it with is the sign language for rape or sex. So basically Hisoka asked Illumi if he could rape Illumi's younger brother.  
> You gotta give it to him, Hisoka definitely knows how to piss people off!

She freezes. "What? Don't tell me I'm..."

"Mm. Yes, you are my target. I was originally going to track down three others in lieu of you, but now that my tag's been stolen from me, I suddenly find myself in need of your tag." 

"Like hell I'm letting you have it." 

He narrows his eyes. Danger is rolling off of him in waves, but she doesn't flinch. Kurapika got away with it- she can, too. Of course, Kurapika actually offered something in return...

"You see, it's not so much about  _letting_ me have it. I'm fully prepared to take it from you." He licks his lips and she fights a shudder. "Even if I end up taking it from your cold, dead body. In which case, I'd be able to take your other three tags, too." He smirks. "Do you really want me to be the one who's in charge of Gon's tag? I could just as easily keep it from him. There's no way such a small boy could find six people's tags in the remaining time." 

"I wouldn't underestimate him." 

"Don't be stupid." Esu crosses his arms. "We both know that he has overwhelming-" his eyes light up and she wrinkles her nose in disgust- "potential. But his potential right now is just that. He's weak. I could throw him all the way across this clearing without breaking a sweat. Repeatedly." 

She opens her mouth, ready to shoot a retort, but stops herself. Arguing with Esu isn't going to get her anywhere- and, in all honesty, why is he even letting her argue with him? If Kurapika had attempted to do that, he would've been dead within seconds. Even Gon, Esu's supposed favorite, would most likely be unconscious by now. "I could refute you," she says tiredly, "But we'd just be wasting time. Now, I'm not just going to hand over my tag, so I really hope you're ready to take it by force. If needs be..." she takes a deep breath, squares her shoulders. "If needs be, over my dead body." 

"Ah," he grins, "such spirit. You could become my favorite toy. After all...that will just make you so much more fun to-" he makes a vulgar hand motion- "break." 

Her vision goes red. She's vaguely aware of her blood roaring in her veins, pounding in her ears. The hand motion Esu used was not just some random gesture. It was the sign language symbol for rape. She's under absolutely no delusions as to just what Esu wants to do to her.  _Birds of a feather, as the saying goes. He's just like Illumi._

The only person she's ever wanted to kill this much is Illumi. With clear murder in her tone, she murmurs, "Flashpoint." She knows she doesn't stand a chance against Esu, but she no longer cares. She would rather die than let that smug, rapist bastard walk away with any of the tags she possesses. 

She looks him straight in the eye. "I'm going to kill you." 

She expects him to be calm, to laugh, but something in his expression flickers briefly from his amused look to something unreadable. "I've lost count of the amount of people who've said that. What makes you think you're different?" 

"I'm not," she says honestly, coldly. "Except I'm willing to bet I'm the first one you blatantly told you were going to rape. And for that,  _I will kill you."_ Her Ren flares around her, bigger than it's ever gotten before; not white, but red with fury. For the first time, Esu seems...wary, maybe? 

"Try." 

She just looks at him.

"If you're going to kill me," he says calmly, "I challenge you to land even a single blow on me." 

She lunges. He dodges her blow easily, but she's undeterred, swinging back around. Blow after blow he evades, with seeming ease, yet after a while she can tell he's beginning to wear down. He retreats one step, then two, and then she does something completely unexpected and dives for his legs. It's extremely awkward, especially after the whole I-want-to-rape-you thing, but it startles Esu enough that she manages to tackle him to the ground, and, before he can recover, punch him in the face. 

Esu spits blood onto the ground and throws her backwards with a strength that surprises her. She lands twenty feet away, barely managing to keep on her feet, but the man doesn't give her time to recover, sprinting towards her with the speed and abandon of a madman. She throws herself over him by bracing herself on his shoulders, using her momentum to unbalance him, and flips in midair, aiming a kick at him. He recovers in an instant, grabs her foot, and throws her to the ground. 

She skids backwards, breathing hard, and jumps back up, ducking a punch with barely an instant to spare. She doesn't even see his other arm until it's too late. This time as she flies backwards, she does a flip and lands with an oomph on her stomach. She groans, too slow this time to pick herself back up, and instinctively covers her neck and spine with her arms.

She's just in time, because Esu's hand meets hers with a force that would've knocked her unconscious, at the very least, had he hit her neck. She hears, and feels, a distinct crack in her hand.  _Broken. Just great._ She wriggles on the ground, lashing out a kick but only meeting thin air. As she rolls over, Esu easily lifts her off the ground and throws her. This time, she doesn't get back up. 

"You're hopelessly outmatched, Silent," Esu says, walking towards her. "Just let me have your tag, and I won't-"

"Shut your fucking mouth," she spits, valiantly attempting to stand up. Her legs too weak to support her, she falls back down again. "How dare you? How is that even a deal? 'Willingly give up your chance to become a Hunter this year, or I'll rape you'? You _sick bastard,_ that's not even a fair choice! You're just a power-hungry, psychopathic sadist who only lives to hurt people. And you know what?" She heaves herself off the ground, this time without falling, and wipes at her bloody nose. "I don't care if I fucking  _die._ I will never,  _never_ let you, or anyone, touch me that way or dictate to me what I have to do in order to not have that happen to me. Never again." 

Something in Esu's eyes shifts. "Never... _again?"_

 _Shit._ She swallows. Unable to come up with an appropriate response to Esu's strange reaction (why would a psychopath like him even care? It's not like he knows her), she simply charges. 

She swears she hears him sigh as he jumps, evading her blow. His answering ones are just as fast as ever and she barely dodges each of them, but she's starting to get to know his attack pattern.  _Okay, so now he's going to do a righ-_

She's thrown backwards. Esu looks down at her, a disinterested look on his face. "What, did you think you had me figured out? Don't underestimate me, Silent." 

As she picks herself up again, heaving, purple flashes and she's pulled towards Esu against her will. "How about these options?" Is it just her, or is his voice softer now? "Give me your tag, and I'll leave you alone. I won't bother you for the rest of the Hunter Exam." 

She spits on him. 

He sighs. "I'll sweeten it, then. I won't bother you  _or_ our lovely little Gon, for the rest of the exam." 

"Just kill me already." 

He licks his lips, eyes darkening. "Tempting, but...you still have much maturing to do." The way he says  _maturing_ is positively filthy, but somehow not quite as creepy as before. Possibly because he's not saying it about a bunch of underage boys. "It'd be a shame to kill you before you're ripe, wouldn't it?"

"Again with the comparison to fruit? Seriously, that's so gross." 

He gives her a mildly offended look before he starts laughing. Her chest, then her head, hurts at the strange familiarity behind the mannerism. Then he sobers, face turning cold. "Come now. As it is, we both know you don't stand a chance against me. You've landed a few hits on me, but that's it. Anything more is beyond your current abilities. There is no way you can beat me. Just give me your tag. It'll be so much easier." 

"Fuck you." 

He hums, smirking. "Was that an invitation?" 

She spits on him again. 

The most irritating thing is that even that doesn't piss him off. She's never once seen him lose his cool (ignoring all of last night, that is) in any way, and he most certainly doesn't disappoint her now. The only warning he gives her is a sigh. He pulls his fist back...

The last thing she hears is a colliding  _thunk._ Then everything goes black. 

 

* * *

 

It's dark outside when she wakes up on her back, surrounded by leaves. As she sits up, she realizes where she is- somehow, she ended up in a thick patch of undergrowth. Unless someone was specifically looking for her, hidden as she is, they'd never find her.  _How did I end up here?_ She wonders. The last thing she remembers is a burst of pain as Esu punched her. Is it possible that he dragged her all the way here? Why would he even go to all that trouble? 

 _No, that's impossible. He wouldn't do that._ But the only other people who would've done that would probably be limited only to Hanzo, Gon, and Kurapika. And she'd think that they would be next to her when she woke up, not mysteriously gone. Frowning, she reaches into her bag- and freezes. 

Her broken hand throbs as she searches through her bag. Her tag's missing. Not only that, Gon's and Esu's tags are, too. The only one left is Geretta's. 

Even better, wrapped around Geretta's tag is a note. Something about the handwriting nearly makes her head split in two; she stifles the instinctive scream, biting the leather of her bag as the pain rampages through her head.  _Stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking._ As the pain finally subsides, she cautiously inspects the note again. When nothing happens except a dull throb, she cautiously starts reading it. 

_The tag is for the entertaining fight. I trust you know to pay me back, yes? Feel free to return the favor anytime. And don't worry: Gon's tag is in safe hands. He earned his, just as you earned yours._

She doesn't know what's weirder: that Esu apparently signed his note with an emoji of himself (a -_- face with a star and a teardrop), or that he apparently took it upon himself to return Gon's tag. The latter is definitely strange, but she doesn't think he's lying. Since he now has both his tag and his target's tag, he has no reason to keep any others, and as Geretta's dead, the huntsman certainly won't be needing it.  _Why wouldn't he just let me return it, though? He obviously knows we're friends._

But then she realizes. Even though she 'earned' her tag, Esu still thinks her in debt to himself. He expects her to return the favor, probably by beating him in a fight. If he's returning the tag to Gon, then that means he'll also expect a favor from Gon. Knowing Gon, the boy won't rest until he's able to at least land a solid blow on Esu, so that's two fights for Esu right there. 

 _Ugh._ She heaves herself to her feet, groaning as her head starts throbbing again, in tandem with her hand. It's been doing that a lot lately- hurting. She has no idea what could possibly be making it do that so much and so often. Yeah, Esu's punch probably isn't helping matters, but it's hurting for more than just that. In fact, it seems like every time she thinks of Esu, it hurts more. What, is her brain so disgusted by him it starts dying just to think about him? 

But enough of that. There are more pressing matters. Now that Esu's stolen her tag, she's back to square one with three points. With no chance of getting it back, there's only one other way- she has to take three tags from other people. Although the idea of basically ruining three other people's chances at becoming Hunters is, well, loathsome, she doesn't have any other choice. It's the lesser of two evils. 

Throwing her bag over her shoulder, she starts walking. First things first: she needs to find Gon and make sure he's okay. 

 

* * *

 

_"What is that?"_

_Hisoka looks down at the Google search. "'100 specific questions to ask your friend,'" he reads. "Perfect, right?"_

_She sits down on the couch next to him. For a teenage boy, Hisoka's room is almost eerily clean- it's completely spotless, as is the rest of the house. When she asked if his parents did that, he simply responded that his parents didn't do much of anything and that he took care of the entire house himself. It's pretty impressive, to be honest. "Okay...so how does this work? Do we just pick random questions to ask each other?"_

_Hisoka gives her a look. "No. We go down the list and both answer every question."_

_Generally, she'd try to be a little nicer to someone she's never really talked to, but right now she's out of patience. "But that's a hundred questions! We'll be spending hours on this one quiz!"_

_"Look, Y/N, do you want to make your mom happy or not? If you don't, I'm just as willing to call off this whole liaison myself."_

_She huffs, looking at the questions. "Fine. 'Do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from the hotel?'"_

_She pretends not to notice Hisoka's smug look as he responds, "Duh. Their shampoos are always the best."_

_"You thief!" she cries, jokingly shoving at him, carefully gauging his response to make sure she hasn't overstepped. "I'd never do that!"_

_A hint of a smile tugs Hisoka's lips up. "Well, not all of us have your strong, upstanding morals." He looks back at his computer, blinking at the bright sunlight coming in from his window. "'What_ _is your biggest pet peeve?' S_ _tupid people," he decides immediately, "or people who get in my way. I can't stand anything or anyone that gets in my way."_

Okay, then.  _She looks at him a little dubiously, wary. It's at that moment that she remembers all the rumors flying around about him- things like 'he's an orphan,' 'he killed a guy when he was eleven years old and didn't even get convicted,' 'he was raised by a bunch of ex-convict criminals.' When his green eyes meet hers, calculating and just as wary as she is, she has a bad feeling all those things are true._

_Clearing her throat, she responds. "My pet peeve is being lied to, I guess. Even if it's a lie of omission. I just...hate it."_

_Hisoka's eyes narrow but he doesn't say anything, expression just as calm as ever. She envies that about him- his ability to always seem placid, in control. He looks like nothing ever bothers him, and pulls it off to an extent that she wonders...is there anything that actually does?_

_"_ _N_ _ext. 'How many people have you spent time with this week?' If they mean for fun, then one person."_

_She grimaces. "That's none, for me. Like I said, no friends." Is it just her, or does something weird flicker on Esu's face when she says that? "'Is it okay for guys to wear pink?' Um, I guess so...? It's not like colors have a specific gender binary or anything."_

_"I, personally, love pink, so yes. 'How many languages can you speak?'" Hisoka seems lost in thought, so she responds, laughing a bit._

_"Fluently? Honestly, some days, I'm not even sure I can speak this one fluently."_

_"Maybe...four, five?" He starts ticking them off on his fingers. "I speak Sahertan, Japponese, and Begeross fluently. I can understand Kakinish, Ochiman, and Kukan'yu pretty well, although I can't write them. And, um, I guess I know a few words in Rokarian and Hass."_

_Woah. She stares at him, wide-eyed. "Wait, how does that amount to four or five?"_

_"Well, Sahertan, Japponese, and Begeross are three, because I know them completely. Kakinish, Ochiman, and Kukan'yu are halves, since I can't really speak them that well and can only write in Kakinish, which brings me up to four and a half. Rokarian and Hass are less than an eighth, so that's still less than five."_

_She's in awe. "Dude, you're like...sixteen. How is that even possible?"_

_"Just turned seventeen, but I grew up, um." For the first time, he looks a little nervous. "I was raised in a circus troupe. We traveled all across the world, but spent a lot of time in the Azian continent. A lot of the other members were fluent in several languages, or only knew Begeross or Japponese or something like that, so if I wanted to tell them they were screwing up my act, I had to learn to speak their language."_

_It's way too much to process in such a short time, so she simply seizes on the most currently relevant fact and says, "You just turned seventeen? When?"_

_His eyebrows raise a little. He looks surprised. "A few days ago. Monday, actually."_

_"Oh. Um, happy late birthday! Wait, what do you want? I should get you something!"_

_"What do I...?"_

_She huffs and crosses her arms. "For a birthday present, dummy. It's what friends do, so you can't tell me no."_

_"We're not really friends. And did you just call me dummy?"_

_"We're supposed to_ act  _like friends, though! What am I supposed to say if it comes up in conversation that your birthday was this week and I didn't get you anything? What kind of friend would do that?"_

_He looks down. "Uh, I guess you could get me a new stack of playing cards? Mine are really beaten up..." his voice trails off and he scratches at his hair. For once, Hisoka, ladies' man and seemingly untouchable, looks uncomfortable. When she thinks about how the only thing she'd done to get him there is ask him what he wanted for his birthday, she suddenly feels much sadder. Her parents might not be the richest people, but they'd always at least tried to make her day special. That Hisoka had never seemingly had that..._

_"What kind of cards?"_

_"Just...a regular set of cards. Nothing fancy."_

_To try and change the subject, she asks, "Could you...show me what you can do with them? I'm curious."_

_"Yeah." He brightens, leaning over to grab the aforementioned set of cards from a nearby table._ _They definitely look battered, at the very least. "What do you want me to show you?"_

 

* * *

 

By the time she wakes up, it's almost midnight. Esu's already killed Geretta (he's blaming it on lingering blood-lust), given Gon his own and Esu's tag back, and found himself a quiet, hidden perch to watch her from, undetected. By the time she wakes up, his muscles are getting so sore from sitting in a tree that he's just about ready to give up. Esu doesn't  _do_ hidden. He's perfectly fine with walking around in the open. 

But finally, as the moon is rising, she stirs. He carefully notes how she wakes: first, her breathing regulates and she spends a moment with her eyes closed, gauging her surroundings. Then her eyes open and she sits up, running a quick examination to make sure there's no pressing danger. Once she's done that, she scrambles for her bag, opening it in a near-frenzy. The look in her eyes as she realizes he'd taken both her tags is one of fury, then annoyance, then acceptance. 

The moment she opens his note, she cries out. His eyes widen a little in surprise as she bites onto her bag to stifle her scream, rocking back and forth; he thinks he might even see tears leaking from her eyes as she clutches at her head. Hm. Illumi had done his job well, it seems. Perhaps too well. After several seconds, she finally stills, breathing hard. This time, she's cautious as she looks down at the note, but nothing happens. 

He watches her read the note, sigh, put it back in her bag. He watches as she heaves herself to her feet and throws the bag over her shoulder. He watches her silently wipe away a stray tear and, despite himself, clenches his jaw. She starts off through the underbrush, aura fading as she goes into Zetsu; he follows immediately. He needs to make sure he doesn't lose sight of her- if he does, it'll be much harder to pick up her trail again. 

Nothing happens for several hours, but after a while, from his superior vantage point in the treetops (for some reason, she keeps to lower ground, which he is quite grateful for), he sees a man up ahead. Esu doesn't ever remember seeing him before, but going by his clothes and generally lost expression, he must be an applicant. It takes Si a while more to sense the man; however, when she does, she instantly goes into hunter mode. She scales a tree- one handed, since he broke her dominant hand- in a matter of seconds, eyes narrowed as she watches- well, watches her prey. She needs three more points. He knows that she knows there's no way she's going to get her own tag back, so she'd gone to the next best thing- taking three tags from other people. 

She stays still, watching. The man gets closer and closer, obviously not on the lookout for possible danger. When he's about a hundred yards away, he looks around but it's already too late. She leaps from the tree and tackles him with admirable precision, grabbing his neck in a choke hold similar to the one Esu had caught her in just days before.  _They grow up so fast..._ "Tag. Give it to me, and I'll let you live."

It's evident, to Esu at least, that she won't actually kill him. Her tone, though firm and unwavering, has none of the determination needed if she'd actually decided she was going to kill the man, and she can't even use her dominant hand. However, this man seems lost on the finer points of threats and bluffs. He nods, terror-stricken, and reaches into his pocket, offering her his tag. "Here, take it. Please just don't- don't kill me!" 

She takes the tag. In a surprisingly swift punch, she knocks him out (with her other hand; impressive), then starts dragging his unconscious body into underbrush- what Esu had just done for her. He notes that, as she does so, she starts panting. Apparently, even with all the training the exam and Hanzo had put her through, she's still a bit out of shape. Interesting.

Once she's done so, she sighs, looking at her handiwork. "Don't worry," she says, softly enough that Esu jumps onto another tree just so he can hear her better. "I wouldn't have killed you anyway. I'm not like Esu." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a btw, I do actually know Hisoka's eyes aren't green haha. However, for the sake of the story, I have to make them that, at least for a specific part of Hisoka's life. If you'll notice, the only time I ever say they're green is in the flashbacks... ;)


	8. Tagalong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year's Eve, everyone! Here's to hoping 2017 won't be nearly as crappy as 2016!

_One._

She takes the first tag from a man in his thirties, unarmed. He’s completely unaware, completely oblivious of his surroundings- it’s easy. She scales a tree in seconds, tackles him. All it takes is one sentence, one death threat, and he hands over his tag without complaint.

She punches him in the head, knocks him out. And as she drags him into underbrush, taking care to conceal him from others whose intents might be even worse than hers, she says, “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t have killed you anyways. I’m not like Esu.”

 

_Two._

The second one’s much harder. She goes over a list of people in her head, organizing each person by their tags. If Esu’s to be trusted, or, more accurately, if he’s to be trusted about giving Gon his tag back, then Gon has six points. As for Kurapika and Leopold, Kurapika had six points last she heard of him. If she assumes he’s managed to keep them without adding any onto them, then neither he nor Leopold would have any spares, either. In fact, she can’t think of anyone who would have a spare tag- at least, not one that she’s willing to steal. She doesn’t particularly like Leopold, but she recognizes that he’s Gon’s friend, and she isn’t going to screw one of his friends over.

Without any better ideas, she climbs the tallest tree she can find. The forest is strangely quiet tonight, almost like it’s trying to warn her of something. When she looks around, she finds nothing but a new Hunter tailing her. Well, not really anything she can do about that.

The highest branches wobble underneath her weight as she climbs ever higher, wondering if using Gyo would enhance her normal vision. Vague memories of Esu resurface and she thinks she recalls him making a circle with his fingers as he was scouting for more targets. Even though she doubts it helped him that much- probably more of a habit than anything- she does her best to copy him, putting her thumb and index fingers together in an o-shape and raising them to her eyes.

Surprisingly enough, it works. Her vision, though not nearly to anything approaching Gon’s, improves enough to notice, and she wonders if it’s some kind of Nen ability. Since her entire body, and by extension her fingers, are shrouded in Nen, maybe a Nen circle helped her eyes to focus? She absently rubs at her aching temple with her free hand as she scans the treetops. No one seems to be moving about, but she’s not about to give up now. She’s come this far; she will not give up now.

The sun is rising by the time she spots someone. Apparently, even with Trick Tower, everyone’s sleep cycles had remained mostly normal, unlike hers. She can’t ever remember a time when her sleep has been as skewed as now.

Like her last target, the man isn’t one she remembers, but he must have some skill if he made it into Phase Four. Unlike her last target, he seems at least moderately observant and wary. Even the way he walks seems to speak of caution, which could be either a good or a bad thing. Overly cautious people are easier to defeat as a general rule, but they also happen to be more unpredictable. The best course of action is probably the same thing she did with her previous target- attack from behind, swift, without warning.

She tracks him for the better part of a day, waiting for the perfect moment, but it never comes. As the hours wear on and he manages to keep annoyingly far away from her, she realizes he must be able to sense he’s being watched. Since he already know she’s there, then, there’s no more point in hiding, right? With a leap, she lands mere feet from him. He jumps, turning towards her. “Silent!” Without warning, he turns around and flees. She groans, staring after him. In a close battle and with her Hatsu, she’s fairly speedy, but when it comes down to actually running…Hanzo’s two-day training and Satotz’s 60 mile run could only do so much.

Instead of attempting to run after him, she scales another tree and follows him that way, each leap clearing about twenty or so feet. The problem is that the man seems to have much more stamina than her. For a moment she’s about to give up, take her chances on finding another target, but right as she’s turning back to go find a better vantage point, she hears another set of footsteps.

When she turns around, she doesn’t recognize _that_ guy, either, but now that her target is faced with only two options, he chooses her over the new guy and runs back her direction. She tackles him with one jump, hand gripping at his throat.

Through the choke hold, he gasps out, “Wait! Don’t kill me, I don’t have a tag!”

“Why the heck would that make me _not_ want to kill you? If anything, wouldn’t that make me _more_ likely to want that?” She sighs when she sees his stricken expression. “Relax. I’m not gonna kill you. I don’t make a habit of murdering people.”

As she stands up, she comes face to face with the new man. He’s actually pretty attractive, with a chiseled jawline and spiky brown hair, but she barely even processes it when she sees the cruel smirk on his face. _At least he doesn’t have Nen…_

“Just so I don’t waste time, do you, at least, have a tag?”

“Yes. Do you, sweetcheeks?”

 _Seriously? Why are all these guys so ready to harass me?_ “I’m not your ‘sweetcheeks’ but yes, I am in possession of a tag.”

“Then hand it to me, and I’ll spare your life.”

She has a few choice insults she’d really like to throw his way, but restrains herself. “Ditto. I’ll even let you tell your friends that you got your ass handed to you by a poor, defenseless damsel in distress. We all know that’d be the worst dishonor, right?”

His face colors. “How dare you, you-“

She doesn’t give him a chance to finish his sentence, darting forwards and delivering one sharp kick to the back of his knees. As he falls, she grabs his arms, intending to pin him there with one arm twisted, but she underestimates his weight (or, perhaps more accurately, overestimates her strength) and has to let him go, wincing at the strain in her arms.

“That was a great deal less epic than I thought it’d be,” she mumbles, stepping on the guy’s neck to prevent him from getting up. “I’m sorry, what was that about sparing my life?”

He mumbles something that vaguely sounds like _fuck you,_ just muffled by having a face full of dirt. She thinks about drawing it on longer, but in all honesty, she doesn’t have the time for it. Plus, he’s definitely an asshole, but she’s just not about intentionally causing someone pain once they’re already down.

“Where’s your tag?”

He mutters another curse. She sighs. “Do I have to knock you out and search your pockets myself?”

“Mmf iye ‘ight umpfit.”

“What?”

He struggles underneath her grip; realizing what he’s trying to do, she lets her foot up a little to allow him to turn his head. “I said, ‘in my right pocket.’”

Carefully maintaining her hold on him, she bends down and fishes through his jacket pocket. It takes a few seconds, but her fingers finally brush up against something smooth. She pulls it out with an ‘aha!’ of triumph, looking over it once briefly to ensure it’s not a fake before putting it into her bag.

“Thanks for your cooperation,” she tells the man sarcastically and kicks him solidly in the head, knocking him out.

 

_Three._

It's a long story, and one she doesn't particularly want to dwell on. All that needs to be known is that she got her third tag.

Okay, she should probably go into a little more detail. 

Basically, it involved Gon, Leopold, Kurapika, Beehive-Girl, and a whole ton of snakes.

After she got her first two tags, she only had two days left. A large part of that she devoted to simply finding Gon, who'd ended up joining Kurapika and Leopold as she soon found out. Once they'd done so, the oldest man in the group had made the most immature decision in the history of immature decisions: he decided to go into an unknown cave no one had ever been seen coming back out of, on the off chance that his target might be in there. 

"Do we really need to wait around here?" She asks impatiently, glaring at the empty, darkened mouth of the cave. "If he's so eager to make stupid decisions like that one, do we really need to save his ass?" 

"Si, Leorio's my friend!" Gon defends, eyes blazing with anger. "I'm not going to abandon my friend!"

"Gon, listen to me. What has Leopold ever done  _for_ you? The only thing he seems to have done, in my knowledge, is drag you down. He's the whole reason you almost didn't make it into the Third Phase." 

Kurapika looks down, but doesn't dispute her. Gon's anger doesn't waver. "First, his name is  _Leorio,_ not Leopold. And second...friendship isn't  _about_ what one person can do for another! Friends are like family, Si. We stick together no matter what. I don't care if Leorio hasn't helped me much in the exam. He's still my friend!"

Something in her heart jolts a little at his words.  _It has been a very, very long time since I last saw relationships in that light, Gon,_ she thinks, unable to meet the boy's fierce gaze. "If you're saying Leo...this man...isn't giving you any benefits, then why are you friends with him?" 

"Si, I think you're thinking about this a little too analytically," Kurapika interrupts. "I know that's a weird thing for me to say, but I believe that friendship has more benefits than just who can help you further your goals. Leorio is more to us all than just a button we press when we want someone to help us out. He's bad-tempered, yes, but he's kind and caring with a very good heart. I understand wanting to make friends who can help you with your goals, especially when they're as important as yours and mine are, but you need to remember that you're more than just your aspirations." 

She opens her mouth, wanting to respond, but Kurapika cuts her off again. "You're a good person, Si. Your problem is that you refuse to open up or consider that someone might want to be your friend just because of who you are, not what you can do or because they pity you. And because of that, you automatically define all your relationships that way. We like Leorio because of who he is, and we like you because of who you are. So, once that time's up, we're going into that cave. I am not leaving one of my friends to make a stupid decision on his own." 

Out of all the things she'd expected to receive, a psychology lesson from a kid several years younger than she was  _not_ one of them. "I need to...uh, take a quick moment."  _I need some time to myself to think about what you said._ "Can you excuse me?" 

Kurapika's eyes are far too knowing. She dislikes feeling like she's exposed, nailed to a wall for everyone to see. "Of course." 

She hurries (sedately shuffles) away, into the woods and leans against a tree.

It's not like her life has been one of endless losses. She has loving, caring parents that support her, even if they don't quite agree with her idea of becoming a Hunter. She has a few other friends who she talks to just because she enjoys their company. But after losing first the guy she'd loved, then the two friends she'd loved more dearly than herself, she hasn't really wanted to open back up. Even though her parents keep telling her,  _third time's the charm,_ she just...doesn't want to risk it. 

The thing is, Kurapika, Gon, and Killua are some of the most capable people she's ever seen, which is made all the more astonishing when you take into account their age. Unlike her friends, she doesn't think she'll lose them to cold-blooded murder. And unlike Hisoka, she doesn't think they'll leave her. 

There are risks. Of course there are. So she doesn't want to open up yet, not until she feels like she has some assurance they won't leave her like that. Although it's inevitable that everyone's going to leave at some point, because death is the one thing humans can't escape, she...she doesn't know. Maybe she's hoping she'll somehow, someday, see them in the afterlife. Maybe she's hoping that, even if they leave her, having friends is still worth the pain. She believes in an afterlife, but even still...she's not sure if she'd end up in the good one versus the bad. 

The future is one of the things she thinks about the most. She wonders if she has even has one- if she's even going to live that long. She wonders what it'll be like. She wonders what will happen after that future is actualized. But, there's no way she can ever know for certain what'll happen. There's honestly no point in dwelling on it. She just needs to decide: is having friends really worth it in the end, if eventually either she or they are going to leave?

It requires barely a moment's thought before she gets her answer. 

No. It is  _not_ worth it. It is not worth the fleeting joy she'll get from it, if less than a few years later, they'll leave her heartbroken. She's had awful, awful losses that she's still not recovered from. In her opinion, it's not worth ever going through that again. 

She looks back at Kurapika and Gon. They're silent, staring into the mouth of the cave. For a moment, she feels bad about leaving them, but she silences the thought as soon as it happens. It's not like they really cared that much in the first place- it's not like they wouldn't end up hurting her anyways, in the end. She fades into Zetsu and climbs into a tree, hiding among the branches. 

And then she watches. 

 

* * *

 

She's getting antsy by the time they finally arrive. Gon's single-handedly carrying  _all_ of them outside, without even breathing- something very bad must've happened. He places first Kurapika, then Leopold, then Beehive Girl down. She continues watching, watching as he takes the green-haired girl's tag, grabs his friends, and leaves. He doesn't even look around once or question Si's absence in any way she hears. She tells herself she shouldn't be hurt by that. 

With less than a day left, if that, she practically runs to the unconscious girl's body as soon as Gon and co leave, hoping against hope she'll be able to find a tag. If she doesn't, then...she doesn't know what she'll do. She honestly doesn't know, but she'll figure it out. 

As it turns out, she doesn't have to. Beehive Girl has a tag in her pocket- most likely her target's, since she thinks she heard something about that being Leopold's target. Breathing a sigh of relief, she tucks the final tag in her pocket. Six points. She can advance to the Final Phase without any fear. After that, it's just a matter of beating whoever she has to in order to become a Hunter, if it comes down to it.

Already, she cringes at the thought of fighting against Gon. She cares far too much for him despite having met him barely more than a week ago. But, her goals are more important than a relationship. If it takes losing a friend to bring justice to a lost and dark and broken world, then she has to do it. 

She walks back to the ship in a trance, mind clouded. She thinks she might see Esu out of the corner of her eye several times, but she can't find it in herself to care. If he wants to screw her over even more, well, it's not honestly like she could stop him. She has a broken hand, after all. She's already tried to fight him twice, and failed both times. The only reason she got even one hit on him was because he pissed her off. 

"First we have 44, Esu-san. Next we have 53, Pokkle-san, 99, Killua-san, 301, Gittarackur-san and 294, Hanzo-san." The woman looks around. "Is that everyone?" 

"I'm here." She steps into the light, holding up her four tags. 103, 197, 34, and Geretta's tag, 384. Esu looks over at her; she keeps her gaze straight forward. 

"378, Silent-san. Anyone else?" 

Leopold, Gon, and Kurapika choose that moment to run up, panting.  _Late as always,_ she thinks, trying to suppress the fondness for them that shows even in her thoughts. As one, they hold up their three tags. She notices that Gon gives Esu a wary, almost scared, look as the boy joins the rest of the group and has to stop herself from moving in between the two.  _Stop. Just stop. You're the one who chose not to open up to them, so you shouldn't turn around and be the one who wants to come back now._

"404, Kurapika-san, 403, Leorio-san, and 405, Gon-san. These nine applicants have passed the Fourth Phase of the exam!"

Gon runs up to her with a huge grin. "Si, we passed!" 

She can't help but smile back. "Yeah, Gon. We did it." The other three guys start drifting over towards her. She panics. If she doesn't move, sharp-minded Kurapika is going to ask her about what happened with the cave, and he won't rest until he gets an answer. There's no way in hell she's saying  _oh, well you see I decided friendship isn't really worth it in the long run, seeing as my two closest friends were raped and murdered by Killua here's older brother, Illumi, and I still haven't recovered from the trauma of their deaths, so I basically just stalked you guys and stole Beehive Girl's remaining tag once you were done with her._

"Hey, uh Gon, I need to go talk to Hanzo real quick. Catch you later!" she basically scurries out of there, half-running  _(dignified, although hasty, speed-walk_ is what she's calling it) towards the airship as it lands. 

"Hey, Hanzo. I'm not surprised you made it through," she greets as soon as she catches up with the ninja. She can feel Gittara- no, Illumi's stare burning into her skull and it's seriously making her jumpy. Hatred flares up in her but she suppresses it, forcing herself to listen to Hanzo's reply. 

"It was a bit iffy for a few days after the white-haired kid tricked me, but I managed," he says with a laugh. "He had my target's and another's tag in his hands but he switched them so he threw my target's a different direction than I expected. Suffice to say, it was a close thing." 

"I got my tag taken from me, so I had to scrounge up three tags in the remaining, like, three days or however much it was." She shrugs. "I honestly don't remember much of it. This whole week's kinda blurred together for me. I can't actually recall getting more than two hours of sleep at any given time." 

"Probably why you can't remember very well, then," Hanzo comments. "You do know that sleep deprivation is used as a torture mechanism, right?" 

"I've heard of it, but never had it used on me. Can't say I'd be particularly fond of that method." 

The ninja gives her a look somewhere between amused and skeptical. "Could you honestly say you'd be fond of any torture method?" 

Well. He has a point. She sighs and tells him as much. He laughs, making her laugh with him as they start down the hallway of the airship, presumably going to one of the rooms built for the applicants. Now she can sense both Illumi  _and_ Esu. If she didn't have Hanzo with her, she would've already found the nearest bathroom, locked herself in it, and proceeded to...well, she hasn't gotten that far yet. She's not sure if she'd throw up, scream, or hyperventilate at this point; it'd probably end up being all of the above. The combined stress the two of them give her is pretty much debilitating. 

"Hey, who was your target?" 

"Who was yours?" She shoots back, hoping her smile doesn't look too flirtatious. She'd been going for simply non-hostile, but has her doubts on how well she succeeded. 

"One of those weird brothers. Don't know their names. Now, are you going to continue avoiding my questions or are you actually gonna answer them?" 

He actually looks a little annoyed- or maybe even hurt- so she answers honestly (all the while trying to squash the voice in her head saying _oh, so you'll avoid Gon and his friends like the plague but willingly seek Hanzo out?)_. "It was Geretta, that hunting guy with the blowgun. He was a real piece of work, that one. Who targeted you?" 

Hanzo shrugs. "I honestly have no clue. No one made a move on me the entire week. How about you?" 

 _Shit,_ she thinks,  _why would you ask that question when you know how talkative Hanzo is?_ "...it was Esu." 

"Esu? Damn, you have bad luck. No wonder you had to get three other tags." 

"Yeah. It was pretty rough. Stupid fucker gave me back my target's tag, thinks I owe him something for that now." Despite herself, anger starts rising and before she even knows what's happening, she's furious. "What an entitled son of a bitch, am I right? He kicks my ass, almost kills me, _breaks my hand,_ then thinks I owe him something because he had the 'decency' not to take  _all_ of my tags, just three of them." She glares at her feet, following Hanzo through a door into a bedroom. It's much more private-feeling than the one she'd slept in previously; there's only room for four people. 

"Even though it's annoying, I can't say that that's all that uncommon," the ninja says, flopping down onto the lower bunk of a bunk bed. Yes, that's right, the applicant's rooms have bunk beds in them. She climbs onto the high bunk of the opposite bed, lying down and propping her chin up with her elbow so she has a good view of Hanzo. "In a world where power is defined by who's the strongest, or the best," he continues, "a lot of strong warriors abuse their power. At that point, they're basically super-powered bullies. After a while of being a victim to that, I just learned to avoid them."

"How'd you do that?" 

Hanzo opens his mouth to respond, but is cut off when two other applicants enter the room.

More specifically, when Esu and Illumi walk into the room. 

"Oh  _hell_ no," she blurts before she can even stop herself. There is no way in  _hell_ she is staying the night in the same room as Illumi Zoldyck- especially an extremely creepy, mechanical version of Illumi Zoldyck. She'd rather spend the night in a Chimera Ant hill than this. 

"Is there a problem?" Esu questions. 

"Yeah, there is! Why the fuck do you have to bother us? Go ruin someone else's night and stay in their room, instead!" At least there aren't any other female applicants; Illumi doesn't have many things going for him, but being, to her knowledge, straight, means that his scope is limited only to one gender. Although being bi isn't a bad thing or anything, when there's a serial rapist involved, most everything becomes a bad thing. 

"The other five applicants have already claimed their room," Illumi states. She fights a shudder at his voice, so mechanical and  _wrong._ So, so wrong. 

"What, their room isn't bigger than this one?" 

"Si, I don't like them either, but we can't deny them a room." Hanzo looks at her, pleading. Since when did they get close enough for him to even do that? 

"Well, maybe you can't, but I sure as hell can." She hops from the bunk in one fluid movement, glaring at the two men obstructing her path. "Get out of my way. I'm gonna find a place to sleep  _without_ our two favorite resident psychopaths."

"Si-" 

Whatever Hanzo was going to say, it's drowned out by an amazingly timed announcement. "I have an announcement for all applicants. The chairman wishes to interview the remaining candidates." 


	9. Threat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2017 once again, everyone! Thought I'd post two chapters in one day bc I stayed up til five writing/watching anime (it seemed like a good idea at the time...) so I have lots of really questionable plot ideas running through my head right now.

"What are the results?" Menchi doesn't even look up from her food as Netero enters. 

"44 is keeping an eye on 378, 405, and 99, with an emphasis on 378. His answer on who he'd least want to fight is the same. 53 is keeping an eye on 404 and 378, thinking them to be the most balanced applicants left. He doesn't want to fight 44."

"Did 44 try to kill you in the interview?" Satotz interrupts calmly. 

"He mentioned he most wanted to kill me at the moment, yes," Netero says, completely unconcerned. "He's good, but not good enough to beat me yet. He'd need a few more decades before he could even contest me. Back to the applicants," he gives a pointed look to Satotz, who merely takes another bite of food, "99 said he's keeping an eye on 405, Gon. He doesn't want to fight 53 because it'd be boring. 294 is watching 44, and doesn't want to fight 44, either. He also doesn't want to fight 378."

"Getting a whole lot of 44's and 378's," Menchi says. 

Ignoring her, Netero continues, "301 is watching 99 and 378 and doesn't want to fight 44. As for 378, she's watching out for 44 and 301. She doesn't want to fight pretty much anyone except 403 and 53. 405's watching out for 44, doesn't want to fight 99, 403, 404, or 378. 404's watching 405 for positive reasons and 44 for negative, and he's okay with fighting anyone. And lastly, 403's keeping an eye on 405, and doesn't want to fight 405, either." 

"So...now we just...count up who made the biggest impression by number of mentions?" Lippo asks, glasses glinting. 

"I thought you'd ask. It's a bit more complicated than that, but I've drawn up the bracket already!" He turns his paper around and shows it to them all, grinning. 

"...WHAT?!" 

 

* * *

 

She makes sure not to go back to her previous room once she's done with her interview. She's not an idiot, nor is she into increasing her risk factor any more than absolutely necessary, which means she's not going to put herself in Illumi's path if at all possible. She ends up walking around the hallways of the airship, wandering aimlessly until she comes upon Kurapika and Gon. 

Thankfully, they don't seem to notice her at first. They aren't talking to each other, just staring out the window. Then Gon stiffens and turns to her, face breaking into a small smile of recognition. "Hey, Si. Uh...what happened to your hand?" 

"Hey, Gon." She almost walks away without answering, but he seems...sadder, almost. More subdued. Esu's favor must be weighing on him; she sure knows it's doing the same for her. "I broke it, but that's not important. What's wrong?" 

Both boys looks surprised. Gon sighs, eyes drifting downwards. "My target was Esu." Kurapika gasps but she doesn't react, simply nodding. "Si...you knew?" 

"Geretta, the guy that was tailing you, was my target. My object was to track him, but since he was tailing you the entire week, I ended up watching you as well."

"Oh. Then you know that I took his tag after..." he shivers. "That...I got his tag, but Geretta shot me with a poisoned dart and took both tags from me." 

Her brain's screaming at her not to say anything else, but she ignores it, absently rubbing at her bandaged hand. "He pissed me off, so I followed him and challenged him to a duel. I beat him and was about to take his tag, but Esu appeared. He fought me, beat me, broke my hand, took all my tags except Geretta's, then left a note saying I owe him." She makes a face. "What a bitch." 

"He did the same thing with me. When I woke up, he was carrying Geretta's dead body towards me and dropped our tags next to me. He said that I owe him now. I told him I didn't need his help, and he sent me flying. He said he'd only take his tag back when I could do the same thing."

He turns away from both of them, facing the window again. His breathing hitches. "I was so mad that I couldn't do anything against him..." As his voice trails off, tears appear. Without really thinking about it, she steps forward and hugs him tightly with her good arm, rubbing circles into his back.  _I was an idiot to think I could stay away from Gon for long,_ she thinks, smiling a little. 

It takes a few seconds, but finally Gon pulls away, rubbing at his eyes. "After that, I was pretty miserable and lonely. I felt so helpless, I wanted to be around people. I wanted to help someone, I guess. That's why I was looking for you two, Kurapika."

Surprise lights the blond's face before it softens and he says, "Gon. Leorio and I have only been able to make it this far because of you." He turns to face both of them and a genuine smiles breaks out on his face for the first time since she's known him. "We're truly grateful." 

"Gon, you're special," Si says next, softly. Even though her brain protests, she reasons that, after this, she can just go back to ignoring them- a stupid thought, she knows, but for some reason she thinks she can pull it off. "I've never met anyone with more potential than you. You're destined for great things." 

The boy finally grins, his eyes shining with that brightness she's come to love in him. "I'd also like to thank both of you. Without your intelligence, Kurapika, we wouldn't have even gotten to the exam on time. And Si...thanks for looking out for me so much. I can tell you worry about me a lot." He laughs. "Thanks for that." 

 _Yeah, I'm screwed._ She smiles down at Gon, heart full. Even though she doesn't really, truly feel like she belongs as any of their friends, well...today is a start. 

She bids her farewells and good nights to them, before pausing. "Actually...would you guys happen to have a spare bed in your room?" 

 

* * *

 

Esu can't sleep.

Not that that's unusual; on average, he gets about four hours of sleep per day. It's annoying, but his body is abnormally fast-healing and thus doesn't need as much repair. So that means he's awake for about 20 hours per day, about 3-6 hours more than anyone else. However, what makes tonight more annoying than usual are the occupants in his room. 

Or should he say, the lack of occupants in said room. He sleeps on the top bunk, sharing the bunk bed with Illumi, who's sleeping on the bottom. Hanzo's on the bottom of the adjacent bed, most likely not asleep, either. He doubts a warrior as experienced as Hanzo would relax his guard that easily. In all honesty, if Hanzo knew Nen, Esu would want to fight him. It's a pity the ninja hasn't learned it- for all Esu knows, he might not even have the aptitude for it. Many people don't. 

There should be one more person in this four-bed room; there was, but she hasn't returned. And that's what's got Esu...irritated. He'll go with irritated. 

Doesn't she know she owes him a favor? She's in debt to him, not the other way around! If anything, she should be obeying his every wish! He frowns, looking down at the boring, plaid bedsheets with distaste. Somehow, he doesn't think he's the reason she left. Even though she tried to hide it, her eyes kept flicking over towards Illumi. Nothing like fear showed on her face, but he can't help but think that if Illumi hadn't done something bad, she wouldn't be looking at him. Certainly, she wasn't looking at him because she has a crush on the pin-faced assassin. 

And that's what's bothering him. Did Illumi do something? The thought that she's somehow more afraid of Illumi than of Esu is one that doesn't sit well with him. He  _knows_ he intends no actual harm to her (well, maybe later once she's grown to be a worthy opponent, but he'll cross that bridge when he comes to it), but he's also pretty sure that if Illumi did something to scare her, he full well intends harm towards her. And that is, in Esu's opinion, unacceptable. 

Growling a little bit in frustration, he jumps out of the bunk bed, glaring down at Illumi, who's pretending to be asleep. "I know you're awake." 

Silence. 

"Do I have to use my Bungee Gum to strangle you?" 

Illumi's eyes open and he slowly raises his head, joints creaking. Esu has to give it to him: he's certainly skilled at pretending to be a machine. Although the needles might help with that; Esu honestly doesn't know. Maybe he should ask sometime. "You'd be dead before ten seconds elapsed." 

Ignoring the threat, Esu turns around and starts walking towards the door. "I want to talk to you." 

Creaking, Illumi follows. "What is it?" he asks once they're out of Hanzo's hearing range. Although it isn't certain the ninja was even awake, it's still far too risky. 

"How much contact have you had with 378?" 

"You have quite the fascination with her," Illumi observes, sounding amused. Esu wants to punch him but restrains himself. "I haven't had any interactions with her since you told me to needle her." 

"She seemed afraid of you, earlier," Esu observes, a dangerous note creeping into his voice. No, he's not protective- he just doesn't want his toys messed with. If Gon were to exhibit the same behavior, he'd react the exact same way. "Pardon me, but I'm having trouble believing you." 

"You don't trust me?" Even though he asks such a question, Illumi doesn't seem anything but bored. "I thought we were friends, Hisoka." 

Esu glares at him. "If you want to hurt my toys, then I see no reason to honor our agreement about Killua being off-limits." 

"You touch Killua," Illumi says, struggling to suppress his Ren, "And you'll face the consequences." 

"You touch Gon or Si, and you'll suffer the same." 

"Two people?" Illumi questions, and if he hadn't been in the guise of Gittarackur, he probably would've raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that a bit much to protect? You should be careful. It's much harder to protect two people than one." 

"You'll suffer all the same, Illumi." 

The other man gives an unimpressed look at the use of his name. "But back to the point, I have not said a word to your precious Si since I stuck a needle in her brain. If she's really as scared of me as you seem to think she is, it's probably just because of this disguise." 

Esu doesn't believe him, but what else really is there to do? As it is, Esu doesn't really want to fight Illumi. The other man is quite useful, after all. "If I find you've been lying to me," he starts. His Ren flickers and he makes sure he looks as dangerous as possible before he continues, "There will be hell to pay, Illumi. 378 and 405 are mine and mine alone." 

Illumi flicks a hand. "Yeah, yeah. I won't touch yours if you don't touch mine." 

With nothing else to say, Esu turns on his heel and walks back to their room, not caring if Illumi follows. 

 

* * *

 

"Killua." She stands at the doorway, behind Kurapika and Gon as they enter the room. "Killua-kun, I need to talk to you." She glances around the room at Pokkle, Leopold, Gon, and Kurapika. "Alone." 

Killua's eyes narrow, but he nods and follows her out. As they walk, she sets her jaw, trying to think of what to say. Her words now are crucial- Killua tolerates no nonsense. If she can't get through to him quickly, he'll cease to listen. "I need you to be absolutely honest with me, Killua. How...how well do you know the rest of your family?" 

She sees his brain working, sees him try to figure out what that has to do with anything, but he doesn't ask. Instead, he says, "I know them all well. I don't get along with any of them, though, except maybe Kalluto." 

"Do you know what they do when they leave?" 

His brow furrows. "No, but the only ones who leave are my brother Illumi, my dad, and my granddad." 

"How well...do you know Illumi?" 

"Why are you asking me all this?" He crosses his arms, eyes narrowing and slanting down. "Are you planning on doing something involving them?" 

She sighs heavily. "I'll tell you why in due time, but first, tell me: are you on good terms with your brother Illumi?" 

His expression clearly says he doesn't trust her, but he hesitantly shakes his head. "No. He was responsible for a huge part of my training, and by that I mean he was responsible for torturing and conditioning me. He's sadistic, merciless, and extremely overprotective of me. He...he terrifies me." 

She does her best to keep her gaze steady, but in the end can't meet Killua's eyes. "Then I have some very bad news for you. Illumi is here." 

She hadn't thought it was possible for Killua to get any paler, but he somehow manages it. "What?" he chokes out. "What do you mean?" 

"I...have had past business with Illumi. Believe me when I say that I have seen him. He's currently under disguise, but I managed to see him when he was taking it off, so I know what he looks like with it on." She forces herself to take a long, deep breath.  _Calm down. He's not here right now. You're safe- for now._ "Gittarackur and Illumi are one and the same." 

"Gittarackur..." Killua takes a step back, takes a deep breath, and looks back up at her. "Why should I trust you? And why are you only telling me this now?" 

"Like I said, Illumi and I have...past connections. He...he hurt two of my friends. There is no one I hate more in this world than him. He is the one person I want to kill." Killua doesn't even blink in the face of her statement. "I only found out who he was during Phase Four. He and Esu seem to be friends; believing them to be alone, he took out the needles on his face, transforming back into Illumi and then digging a hole and going to sleep inside. Seeing as we don't know what the Final Phase is going to be, I thought I should find out if you were on good terms and, if not, should warn you." 

"That makes sense," Killua muses. "He's always loved his needles. But I didn't know it was possible to transform your appearance only using those." 

"It's possible to do a whole lot of things you aren't even aware of yet, Killua." She sighs. "Look, I get it if you don't believe me. You don't have to; I just thought I'd warn you anyway. Illumi's dangerous and I seriously doubt he's going to let you become a Hunter without doing or saying something." 

"I believe you." She blinks. "I'm very good at spotting liars, and you aren't one of them. Thanks for telling me." 

A nod. "Yeah, of course." Killua turns around and walks away, slipping through the doorway into their shared room. 

 

* * *

 

"And here is the bracket."

She stares in horrified fascination. The first thing she sees is how unbalanced it is, but with nine applicants, she supposes they couldn't really do much better. Killua, then Pokkle, voice objections, and Netero explains, talking about mental strength, physical strength, and overall impression. Apparently, the last category had something to do with peer opinion. She gets why Netero interviewed them now.

As she scans the bracket, her heart catches in her throat. _No._ The first fight is Gon against Hanzo. 

She looks over, first at Gon, then at the ninja. Hanzo is cool and composed; Gon only looks determined. _Damn it. There's no way Gon's gonna give up until he's literally being tortured. Knowing Hanzo, he probably has just the right..._ her stomach lurches.  _I'm gonna get sick._ She closes her eyes, forces herself to breathe, and continues scanning the list. After Gon and Hanzo comes Pokkle. After that, it's Killua- which she definitely does not agree with. Killua could beat Pokkle with his eyes closed, and she's willing to bet more people mentioned Killua than Pokkle. Just what is Netero  _doing?_

Then, after that, comes Illumi- or rather, Gittarackur. She looks over, makes eye contact with Killua. _Make sure you beat Pokkle,_ she mouths. Killua's mouth tightens but he nods. 

On the other side, Kurapika and Esu are first in line up. After that, it's her, which means that, if for some reason Esu _doesn't_ beat Kurapika (like that'll ever happen) she'll once again be fighting Esu. Something tells her, however, that fighting Kurapika won't be easy, though.After that, it's Leopold. She's at least fairly confident she can beat him, and if not, then she can definitely beat Pokkle, since there's no way Illumi won't beat him- as long as Killua beats Pokkle. She's not so sure about her ability to beat Killua. 

"The first match is Hanzo versus Gon." 

Already, she's experiencing the classic horror movie reaction- if she doesn't look, maybe it won't be as bad. Maybe it won't happen. But this is the real world, she reminds herself. People get hurt, people die. Gon is no exception, and she already knows she won't be allowed to interfere. Gon's gonna get himself severely injured and it'll all be his own idiotic, stubborn fault. She will be confined to the sidelines, forced to watch Gon get beaten up, helpless. 

She wants to throw up. 

"Hey, good to see you again." The referee stiffens, surprised, at Hanzo's words. "You were tailing me during the Fourth Phase."

"You noticed?"

"Naturally." She rolls her eyes at Hanzo's arrogance; he really needs to take it down a notch. "I'm assuming that each applicant was assigned an examiner for the Fourth Phase. Well, I'm sure everyone else noticed. You have my thanks: my rank was higher because your reports on me were accurate. Although the outcome was never in doubt!"

Even the referee looks a little thrown. She raises an eyebrow. Hanzo's always had a bit of an ego, but he's never been  _that_ blatant about it. Is he trying to put on a show or something? 

"Moving on, I have a question for you. We only win if our opponent surrenders, correct? It doesn't count if we knock them unconscious. No TKOs, either."  _Damn. He's never exchanged a word with Gon in his life, but he already knows exactly how Gon will react._

"Yes, that is correct." 

There's a little more small talk, but she can't hear it through the sound of her heartbeat racing in her ears. All she can see are images of bloodied, bruised Gon lying on the ground. Hanzo beat her within a minute, and she's actually been trained- even when Hanzo trained her for a few days, he could still beat her in under two minutes, without any effort. Gon has no chance. He has  _less_ than a chance. 

"You may begin!" 

Gon takes off running, trying to put distance between he and Hanzo. What happens next is so fast it's a blur, even to her. Hanzo moves and with one swift chop the boy's falling, falling, falling. His eyes go dark halfway to the ground and she can only watch silently. Not even five seconds. But Gon won't surrender; she knows him too well. 

"You did well, for a kid."

 Gon hits the ground with a heavy thud. He doesn't get back up. With a sigh, the ninja picks the partially conscious boy back up. "You must feel terrible. I hit you hard enough to make your brain bounce around. Do you understand? You have no chance against me. Might as well give up now."

"No way!" 

Hanzo twists the boy's head. Gon gags and chokes. "Think about it. If you surrender now, you'll still be in decent shape for your next fight. There's no reason to be stubborn. Just surrender."

 _Please, Gon,_ she begs, but she already knows it'll never happen. 

"Never gonna happen!" 

Hanzo hits Gon's neck again, throwing him to the ground. Beside her, Kurapika and Leopold bristle; she just tries to keep calm. But despite all the time she's spent with the ninja, despite everything he's done for her, she feels fury rise. In all honesty, there's no good solution here. Gon will never give up. Gon will also never accept Hanzo's surrender unfairly. The chairman's decision to do this was either the stupidest decision ever made or the cruelest. Or perhaps both. 

Hanzo stands, merciless. "Surrender." 

It's a punch to the gut this time. 

"Gon! Don't be silly! You'll still have another chance! You should-"

"Leorio!" Kurapika hisses, glaring at the older man. "If you were in Gon's position, would you surrender?"

"Hell no! That guy thinks he's hot stuff."

"Well, Gon feels the same way." 

"I know!" Leopold says. "I know that, but there isn't any other choice!"

"You're contradicting yourself," Kurapika mutters, "but I feel the same way." 

She bites her lip, exchanges looks with Killua. The next thud is a kick that sends Gon flying several feet. Then it's a punch. A chop. Hanzo seems to have endless ways to beat Gon up, and every single time he does it makes her stomach churn a little more- but this time not with nausea. With anger. 

Minutes pass, then hours. Leopold looks about ready to murder, and Kurapika the same. Killua is cold, but she can sense the annoyance mixed with sympathy that he hides underneath his assassin's facade. Esu pretends disinterest, but is pretty pissed, too; really, the only people in the room who don't look at least annoyed are Netero, his henchmen, and Illumi. The latter of which doesn't surprise her in the least. 

Gon is bleeding everywhere, covered in bruises. His clothing is torn and covered in his vomit. Even the floor shows evidence of the fight; it's covered in trails of blood, vomit, and dirt. Hanzo is untouched, merciless. He looms over Gon, a god over a battered and bruised mortal. 

"Get up." Gon tries, but his body isn't responding. 

"Enough already!" Leopold yells, the same fury on his face that's running through her veins. "I'll fight you in his place!"

"If you can't take it, leave. It's only going to get worse." 

"What was that!?" Leopold starts forward but black-suited men corner him, stopping him from doing so.

"No one may interfere in a one-on-one match. If you step in, Gon will be disqualified." Just as she'd thought, but it hardly makes it any easier to watch. 

"It's okay, Leorio." Gon forces himself up. He looks awful. "This is...nothing. I...can still fight."  _Like hell you can. You can't even stand._ Hanzo sweeps one leg out, kicking Gon's from under him. The boy hits the ground with a grunt. 

The man bends over. "I'm going to break your arm." 

She sees red. She doesn't hate Hanzo- can't hate him for only doing what he's been trained to do, for what she'd do in his place if they had the same background. She can't, doesn't, hate Hanzo. But that doesn't mean she can't be pissed as hell at the stupid motherfucker. 

"Si- what are you doing?" 

She looks over at Kurapika, confused. "Nothing?" 

"I can...can feel your anger. It's..." 

Horrified, she realizes it's her Ren. Worse, as she looks at herself, her Ren is...isn't white any more. It's red. As she looks around, all the examiners plus Esu and Illumi are watching her. She glares at them all before turning her attention back to Hanzo and Gon. If she even attempts to control her Ren, it'll probably backfire. She needs to calm down before she tries that, and she's definitely not going to calm down any time soon.

"I'm not joking around, so give up. Surrender." 

And Gon, eyes still shining with brightness, with determination, even through his pain, knowing full well Hanzo means every word he says, yells, "Never!" 

Her nails dig so far into her palms she draws blood, but she barely acknowledges the pain through her fury. For just an instant, she wants Hanzo to feels the same pain he's inflicting on Gon. 

Even Pokkle looks horrified. Even Satotz looks affected. Even Menchi looks murderous. 

"Kurapika, Si, don't even try to stop me," Leopold hisses. "If that bastard does anything else to Gon...sorry, Gon, but I can't help myself." 

"Me, stop you?" Kurapika says. When she turns to look at him, she pauses. Because his eyes...are red. "Don't worry. There is no chance of that happening." 

She clenches her jaw. Then she turns to him- turns not to Leopold, but to Leorio. "If you do it, I'm coming with you, Leorio. Figure we should give those bastards a surprise when they have to disqualify two of us." 

When she tunes back into the ~~fight~~  beating session, Hanzo's balanced on one finger. "...admit defea-"

Hanzo crashes to the ground. Gon collapses a second later. "Ouch..." he sits up, tears shining in his eyes. "Damn it! My head's cleared a bit after all that pain and that long explanation. If you're eighteen, you're only six years older than I am."  _Because half your entire life span is an 'only',_ she thinks, rolling her eyes. "Besides, this isn't a battle to see who's stronger. It's to see who's willing to surrender first."

Hanzo lifts himself back up to his feet. His nose is bleeding. "I let you kick me on purpose." 

"LIAR!" Leorio shouts. She allows a little huff of agreement. 

"You don't understand," Hanzo says, wiping the blood away with one of his bandaged arms. "This isn't a warning, it's an ultimatum. Was it too hard for you to understand? If so, I'll make it easier for you." He draws a hidden blade from one of the bandages wrapped around his arms. "I'll cut off your legs so that they can't be reattached. A permanent injury should help to wake you up. But first, I'll ask you once more: will you surrender?"


	10. Strike

"I won't accept that!" 

Silence.

_Gon, you absolute..._

As she looks around, the looks on everyone else's faces would probably be comical if Gon wasn't about to get his legs chopped off. Even Esu has a pretty hilarious and shocked frown on his face. 

"I don't want my legs cut off,"  _no shit,_ "but I don't want to surrender."  _Also no shit._ Hanzo makes probably the most amusing expression out of everyone in this entire building. "So let's find a different way to fight!"

"Hey, do you understand your own situation!?" Hanzo screams, waving his blade around at Gon. Beside her, Esu starts laughing. Despite herself she starts laughing, too, even as her head starts throbbing again. "You don't get to make demands! Are you trying to insult me!? I'm seriously going to cut off your legs!" This time, she can tell Hanzo doesn't really mean it, and she can tell Esu, and probably Gon, too, have realized the same thing.

"But I still will not surrender. Besides, if you do that, I'll bleed to death. You'll be disqualified if that happens, right?"

"Oh, yes," says the referee. She sighs.  _There's such a thing called cauterizing, you know._ Although she doesn't see any open flames around here and doubts they'd let Hanzo leave to go get some- surely there has to be a limit to what they'll allow people to do. 

"See? Neither of us wants that to happen. So let's think of a better way."

"Damn, Hanzo looks pissed," she comments, laughing as she looks at the ninja's expression. "I've insulted him tons, but I've never seen him look quite that bad." 

"You  _insulted_ this guy?" Leorio hisses. "On  _purpose?"_

"He can be a real asshole sometimes."

"...that's the understatement of the year." 

"Well, I think he's okay now," Kurapika puts in, looking amused himself. "Gon's taken control." 

"He's so self-centered..."

"But," Kurapika says, she joining in with him on the last part of his sentence, "he's succeeded in convincing Hanzo and the rest of us." She and the blond exchange glances, hers a wry grin and his a small shake of the head.

As she looks around, Killua looks more annoyed and confused than anything. She supposes his upbringing must've deadened him to a certain extent, which saddens her a bit. 

There's a sudden flash of movement and Hanzo's got his blade at Gon's forehead. A trickle of blood slides down the boy's cheek. She exhales slowly. "You really don't get it..." the ninja says. "If you die, you'll never get another chance. If I kill you here, I need only try again next year. We are  _not_ on equal footing!"

Killua's eyes narrow. Leorio's hands grip into fists. Her mouth tightens. Gon is unwavering, determined. His eyes are steady, calm, not even seeming to care that with one move of his blade, Hanzo could kill him right then and there.  _Does he even realize the knife's edge he's walking on?_ She wonders. 

There's dead silence for a beat, for two beats. "Why won't you concede? It's easy to do. You can try again next year." The blood drips lower down Gon's face, a drop landing on his shirt collar. "You value your pride more than your own life? You're really willing to die for your pride!?" 

Gon stays silent. His eyes are focused, but not resentful. And then finally, he speaks. "I'm going to find my dad." 

She blinks.  _This kid is gonna be the death of me._

"Your dad?" 

"My dad is a Hunter. So I'm going to become a Hunter and find him!" That same determination she's come to admire about Gon stays in his eyes, as bright as the sun. "I believe that I'll find him one day. But I have a feeling that if I give up now, I'll never find him! So I won't surrender." Another drop of blood slides down his face, this one landing on the ground. 

Everyone's silent. 

"If you don't yield, you'll die." But she can tell he doesn't mean it. Not this time. And, moments later, he proves her right. He withdraws his blade from Gon's head, sheathes it, and turns away from the boy. "I give up. You win." 

Killua, she notices, looks stunned. She smiles wryly. "I can't kill you," Hanzo continues, "But I can't think of a way to make you surrender. I'll take this loss and take my chances in the next battle!"

"I can't accept that." 

Honestly, she really wants to strangle the boy sometimes. 

"It's not fair! We both have to think of a way to settle this fight!"

Hanzo sighs, a faint smile twitching up his lips for a second. "Heh, I knew you'd say that." He spins around. "You fool! There's no point, because you'll never surrender!"

"But I don't want to win like this!" Gon yells back.

"What am  _I_ supposed to do!?"

"We can work together to figure it out!"

She has a feeling he has to keep himself from not punching Gon in the face. "In other words, I've already given up on this match, but you want me to try to win again while helping to determine a way to make you feel good about your victory! Is that right?"

"Yep!"

Hanzo sends the boy flying. "You moron!" 

Gon hits the ground, bounces, and lands about twenty feet away. She winces. If that didn't knock him out, nothing will. "Hey, ref. I lose. Let's move on to the next match."

"Understood." 

She shakes her head, smiling a little at the unconscious form of Gon. Every single time she thinks she's formed a good mental image of Gon, he exceeds and defies all her expectations. She'd never have expected that he'd beat Hanzo- and that only because he managed to win the seemingly cold-hearted ninja over enough to surrender himself. 

"...when he wakes up," Hanzo is saying, jerking her from her thoughts, "He'll probably refuse his license. Only one person will fail this round, right? If Gon fails, wouldn't that make the rest of our fights meaningless?"  _Aw, Hanzo. I didn't know you cared_. 

"Don't worry. Gon has passed. Nothing he says can change that," the chairman says. She pretends her sigh of relief is really just Kurapika's, doubled. "If Gon were to throw a fit and kill me, we still wouldn't be able to revoke his license."

"Very well." The ninja starts walking away, but Killua stops him. 

"Why did you let him win?"

 _"Let_ him win?" 

Killua's eyes are ice-cold. "I'm sure you knew how to make Gon surrender without killing him, given your skills." 

 _Ah, Killua. Not everything is about power and pain._ She's gotten to know the ninja over the course of this exam. He's actually a pretty decent guy; definitely not one she's interested in romantically, but a decent guy nonetheless. When you don't think about how he was totally okay with threatening a twelve-year-old kid and breaking his arm. But hey, you know, we all have our flaws, right? 

Hanzo could very well have tortured Gon into submission. But he didn't. Because, she's willing to bet, something Gon did made an impression on the ninja. 

"When I torture someone, I expect that person to hate me for the rest of their life; it's simply more effective and a lot less stressful. When someone is in pain, their eyes show a gleam of hostility toward the one responsible for that pain. Even with extensive training, it is difficult to suppress that gleam of hate and rage. But, there was no gleam in Gon's eyes." 

She'd noticed that. She'd noticed his calm, unwavering eyes, how they had no hostility- only determination. 

"Can you believe it? I had just broken his arm, but his eyes had already forgotten about that. I guess you could say that he won me over. If you need a reason..." Hanzo starts walking away again, "there you go." 

 

* * *

 

"The next match is Kurapika versus Esu. Begin!" 

She forces herself to focus. She's next, or soon to become next, so she needs to take as much of a chance as possible to analyze Esu's fighting style. It seems that he senses her eyes on him, though, because he scarcely moves from one spot at all, dancing around Kurapika without even giving one blow in return. For several minutes they continue at their strange impasse, before something finally seems to have made Esu impatient. 

One blow, and Kurapika staggers backwards. Before he can so much as try to recover, Esu's on top of him. But the magician doesn't attempt to fight anymore; he simply whispers something into Kurapika's ear, grins, and then turns to face the referee. 

"I lose." 

 _What?_ When she looks around, Killua and Leorio look equally startled. She narrows her eyes, trying to come up with a reason. The only one she can think is that, well...

Esu's eyes meet hers. He smirks. A joker card briefly appears in his hand; her head gives a stab of pain. 

...the only reason she can think of is that he wants another fight with her. But why? Her hand is broken; even though she's still pretty confident in her abilities, let's be real here. She doesn't stand a chance against him. Even with both hands whole, she was nothing more than a mosquito to swat away. With only one hand, she thinks she's probably been downgraded to one of those bacterium that likes to live in, like, mud or something. Amoebas? Is that what they're called? 

"The next match is Pokkle versus Hanzo. Begin!"

 _Or,_ she realizes,  _he wants Kurapika to become a Hunter. That's much more feasible. Esu isn't the type to want an easy battle. But why would he want Kurapika to become a Hunter?_

Pokkle and Hanzo's battle is over in a matter of seconds. Unlike Gon, the archer surrenders easily, and then they're on to the next battle. Her battle. 

"The next match is Silent versus Esu." 

She takes a deep breath and squares her shoulders. Esu gives her a serene smile and she pretends not to feel her head throb at the strange familiarity of it.  _There's only one other person I've ever known who would seem this calm under such a stressful situati-_

She's on the ground before she can even think, clutching at her head. Through the ringing in her ears, she vaguely realizes someone seems to be screaming. With a start, she realizes:  _she's_ doing the screaming. The ref's by her side in an instant, asking if she's okay, if she needs medical attention, if she'd like them to postpone their duel until she feels better. She doesn't answer anything, too caught up in pain to think, to breathe.

Her head feels like it's splitting in half. No, that's not right- it feels like a power drill is drilling straight into her head, from one specific point- she reaches for it, but something stops her. Her brow furrows and she puts her hand down.  _It's just a headache,_ a voice whispers, deep inside her brain.  _Nothing more._

 _That's one oddly timed migraine,_ she thinks back.  _Only happens when I think abou-_

She screams again. Maybe she died and this is now Hell; it certainly feels like it. She hazily notices there's something wet on her cheeks. Half expecting it to be blood, she reaches one hand up to touch it and pulls it away. It's clear- tears. She's crying.

Seconds after this realization, she's lifted bodily into the air. The throbbing in her head increases, and she starts sobbing, not even caring who might be watching. This pain is Hell on earth. She doesn't care what she has to do, she just wants. it. to.  _stop._

"Shh. Stop thinking. It'll be better if you do." The words, and the voice that says them, only make her head hurt worse. She hadn't thought that was possible, but somehow in the Hell she's entered, it is. 

"44, what are you doing?" The voice is muddled, like it's coming through syrup or molasses. 

"She's obviously not well. I'm taking her to one of the waiting rooms until she's sufficiently recovered to fight." 

"As an applicant, you're not to manhandle other applicants or carry them arou-"

"Hanzo broke Gon's arm, and would've cut off his legs if Gon had not come up with a 'solution'. I find it hard to believe that you would let that happen without lifting a finger, yet get angry about one applicant wanting to make sure his competition can actually put up a fight." Whoever's holding her adjusts their grip on her and continues walking. "I get rather bored about the lack of competent fighters, you know. This one can at least land a good hit on me occasionally." 

Time passes. It feels like hours, like days, in the agony she's in, but she has a bad feeling it was less than minutes. The person that was carrying her sets her down on something soft and cool. 

"Whatever am I going to do about you, hm?" She cringes away from the voice, putting a hand to her head. Yep, definitely a drill. A power drill, by the feel of it. Maybe a Nen power drill. 

"Even my voice hurts? That's not good, now is it..." There's silence. She thinks she hears a few buttons being pressed. "Get over here. I need your assistance." 

There's another voice, muffled. Then the voice nearby speaks again. "I don't care whose fight is going on, just get over here. Ours is up next, anyway. You need to fix whatever just happened." 

More incoherent sounds. The voice next to her huffs. "Just hurry up. I'm sure your brother will be fine." 

The last thing she remembers is a sharp blow to her temple. 

 

* * *

 

He noticed it first before their fight in Phase Four. He's not sure what set it off, but she'd suddenly clutched her head and winced, her hand instinctively going to the very place Illumi had stuck his needle. 

After that, it only increased in frequency. All throughout the Final Phase, he'd seen her wince whenever he laughed or they made eye contact. He hadn't been too worried, though, until their fight came around and she starts screaming. 

All he had done was smile. He doesn't realize it was the same smile he'd used as a teen until she goes pale. Until she collapses, grabs her head, and lets out a piercing shriek. Leorio angrily shouts something in the background, wondering what Esu's done- had he somehow stabbed her without anyone noticing? Had he done some kind of weird magic trick? He frowns. No, he hasn't done any magic tricks on her, but Illumi certainly has. Esu had asked for a needle; Illumi had completed that job perhaps a little too well. 

The ref kneels beside her, panicked. He asks her all sorts of question- are you okay? Do you need medical assistance? Would you like us to postpone the duel? She doesn't respond, and despite himself, Esu lets his smile tilt into a small frown. He dislikes seeing her in pain. As a general rule, he doesn't really  _like_ seeing people in pain- he just sees no point in intentionally hurting people (making them uncomfortable, yes. Pissing them off, certainly. But torturing them for no reason?)- but for him to actively  _dislike_ seeing someone in pain is...new. 

Well, whatever. He's sure the feeling will pass, and quickly at that. As long as she doesn't discover who he is...and Illumi has made sure that will never happen, until someone pulls out the needle. It's a big gamble, but Esu has no other choice. There's no other Manipulator, or Nen user in general, who can hypnotize people into believing something other than what they believe. 

She screams again, tears streaming down her face. Hanzo starts towards her- that's a surprise- but is stopped by Netero's henchmen. "They're not dueling! It shouldn't be against the rules to get to her!" 

Leorio joins the debate hotly, but Esu's already lost interest. Let them scream and carry on like spoiled children. As long as they don't win over Netero and gain passage to her, they don't matter, anyway. 

She slowly lifts a hand to her face and touches her cheeks with it. As she pulls back, her eyes slide open and she looks at the wetness on her fingers, surprised. He's not sure what she was expecting- if she were expecting blood, or no tears at all. Either way, Esu's decided on what to do. He bends down and picks her up with ease, throwing her over his shoulder and starting out of the room. He needs to get her to a safe place with no prying eyes so Illumi can work on her. After all, if his toy malfunctioned, it'd ruin all the fun. 

Unfortunately, the motion seems to only make her worse. The girl starts sobbing, and not the quiet kind. It's the kind that's somewhere between a cry of pain, a scream, and a quiet sniffle, but worse because she's semi-conscious and unable to control her volume at all. It's honestly quite grating on the ears, but Esu supposes he'll have to bear it. "Shh. Stop thinking. It'll be better if you do." His eyes narrow when she groans, covering her ears. Does she simply not want to hear anything at the moment, or is it his voice specifically?

The ref stands up, trying to block Esu's path. "44, what are you doing?"

He huffs, easily dodging the man even with the girl over his shoulder. She's actually a lot lighter than he'd thought she would be- obviously, she hasn't been eating well throughout this whole exam. Stupid girl. "She's obviously not well. I'm taking her to one of the waiting rooms until she's sufficiently recovered to fight." 

"As an applicant, you're not to manhandle other applicants or carry them arou-"

"Hanzo broke Gon's arm, and would've cut off his legs if Gon had not come up with a 'solution'. I find it hard to believe that you would let that happen without lifting a finger, yet get angry about one applicant wanting to make sure his competition can actually put up a fight." He adjusts their grip on her and continues walking. "I get rather bored about the lack of competent fighters, you know. This one can at least land a good hit on me occasionally." 

Leorio, Kurapika, and Hanzo all start towards him, which is Esu's cue to get out. He knows he could take all three of them on fairly easily, but he'd much rather just avoid them all. He has to tend to Si, after all. Without Illumi's help, he's not sure if she'll ever recover enough to fight him. Obviously, leaving her entirely would make her better, but they still have to both pass the exam and Esu doesn't really feel like conceding defeat to the second fight in a row.

He shuts the door to the room and seals it with Bungee Gum. He won't remove it until he's safely in a waiting room and needs to get Illumi- first, he wants to see how much he can do by himself. The less he needs the Zoldyck's help, the better. Even though they're 'friends', Esu tries not to put too much trust in the other male. Although he's fairly predictable, Esu still makes a policy of not trusting potential enemies. It's just a lot safer and a whole lot less stressful. 

Her sobs have quieted now, but she still whimpers occasionally. He looks down at her face, screwed up in hurt. In recent times, the only thing she's ever seemed is brave. It's kind of interesting how this little bit of pain has completely torn that bravery away. He'd really like to see how she does under torture- maybe he'll give her over to Feitan one day. Just because he doesn't like seeing people in pain doesn't mean he can't learn really interesting things from it, after all. 

He passes one waiting room, then another. He needs to get far enough away from the others that they're at least secluded, if not alone. Once he's deemed he's far enough away, he picks a room and enters it, laying the girl down on the bed. "Whatever am I going to do about you, hm?" he murmurs, eyes scanning over her body. She flinches away, hand going up to the needle's entry-point. 

"Even my voice hurts? That's not good, now is it..." He frowns, getting out his walkie-talkie. Seems anything he does is just going to make her worse. "Get over here. I need your assistance." 

"Killua and Pokkle are about to start their fight. I'll come up after," Illumi tells him.

"I don't care whose fight is going on, just get over here. Ours-" meaning his and Si's -"Is up next, anyway. You need to fix whatever just happened." 

"It wasn't my fault," Illumi protests. "It's hers for thinking too much." 

Esu huffs. "Just hurry up. I'm sure your brother will be fine." 

"Fine. I'm on my way." 


	11. Of Broken Hands and Needled Heads

_"Alright. We got this. We're gonna go in, act friendly, and impress my mom. And you are_ not  _going to say anything inappropriate or related to drugs, murder, or psychotic clowns. Okay?"_

 _"Ah, Y/N." Hisoka grins, brushing her cheek in that infuriatingly flirtatious way she's told him to stop doing_ at least  _four times by now. "You know me so well."_

 _She shoves his hand away. "Back off. If my mom catches us like this, she_ will  _think we're dating, and you don't want that, do you?"_

_"I'm sure I could survive. It's only a few hours, after all."_

_"Yeah, no. If she thinks we're dating, she'll probably force you to stay the entire day. Maybe even the night." She freezes, face heating up. "Not, of course, in the same bed with me. You know, overprotective dad and all that."_

_His smile widens and he steps closer to her. She used to become unsettled or even creeped out when he did that; now she only feels the heat rising to her face. They've only been 'friends' for slightly more than two weeks (he'd originally thought they were gonna go in front of her mom_ that  _Saturday- "you said before Saturday!" "Yeah, but did I specify which one?"- which explains the 100 question quiz), but already she feels...weird. She's going to go with weird._

_"A-Anyways," she stammers, shoving at him before he can say anything, "If you're finished flirting with me, let's go inside."_

_"Flirting? What makes you think I was flirting with you?"_

_She gives him a dry look. "Invading my personal space, touching my face, attempting to make your voice all sexy-"_

_"So you admit it_ is  _sexy?"_

 _"I said_ attempting,  _dumbass."_ _Hisoka gives her an offended look, but she knows it's feigned. She just stares at him, unimpressed. "Come on, let's go." Grabbing him by the forearm she tugs him along, aware that the only reason she can do so is the fact that Hisoka's letting her do it. With her other hand, she knocks on the door, shifting onto the balls of her feet nervously as she waits._

_"Hey, Y/N, I realize this is a little late but-"_

_The door opens before he can finish, revealing her dad. "Hey, Dad. I brought the friend I told you guys about."_

_Her dad looks Hisoka over, rather disapprovingly. She knows why: red-brown hair falling over his eyes, dressed in clothes faintly reminiscent of a circus performer, pale as a vampire, lazy grin on his face- everything about him screams bad boy, or at least weird. "This is your...friend?"_

_"C'mon, Dad, just give him a chance. You know how happy Mom'll be."_

_He sighs. "Fine. But if he says anything inappropriate, he's out."_

_She resists rolling her eyes. What a dad. He's all bark and no bite; she knows that, but does Hisoka? When she looks over at him, he looks just as serenely confident as ever. "Dad, this is Hisoka Morow. Hisoka, this is my dad, Mr. L/N."_

_"It's nice to meet you, sir," Hisoka says politely, extending his hand out for a handshake. Her dad meets him halfway and she watches Hisoka's face, expecting to see a wince- her dad's notorious for his extremely powerful handshakes. Hisoka's face doesn't even change in the slightest, though, and when she looks over at her dad, it's he who's suppressing a wince. Damn. Nice one, Hisoka._

_"Mom is still asleep, so I didn't want to wake her. You know how little she sleeps these days." She nods. Her mom is very, very sick- the disease she has is almost always fatal, and she's due to die within a year or so. Doctors worldwide are working on a cure for the disease, but thus far, no breakthroughs have been made._

_"Hey, Hisoka, have you eaten yet? I can make something," she says, searching for a way to dispel the tension around the two men._

_"I...yes. I mean no, I have not eaten today. If you show me the way, I'll help you make something, if you want."_

_"I can help, too," her dad puts in._

_The two teens exchange glances. "Thanks, Dad, but that's okay. Mom and I have made a pact to keep you out of the kitchen at all times."_

_"What!? Why?" The older man sputters._

_"...Dad. You burned pasta. I don't even know how you did it, but you did. Hisoka's not the greatest cook ever-"_

_Hisoka gives an offended snort._

_"-but I have at least not seen him burn pasta. Yet." She gives Hisoka a wary look. "It could happen, though. I can see it."_

_"First you tell me my voice isn't sexy, then you insult my cooking skills," Hisoka mutters, looking and sounding like a sulky child. "What's next?"_

_"You told him_ what?"  _Her dad exclaims._

_She sighs. "Nothing, Dad. We're gonna go make something, now!"_

_She practically shoves Hisoka into the kitchen, glaring at him. "What part of 'don't say anything inappropriate' did you not understand? I want my parents to_ like  _you!"_

_"You say it like I'm some boy you're dating that you want your parents to approve of."_

_She leans her head against the fridge with a groan. "Seriously? Again with the innuendos and flirtation? If you wanna get a girlfriend so badly, go find one. I'm sure they won't be in short supply for someone like you."_

_"Someone like me?"_

_Her face heats up. "Shut up. Forget I said anything. Heaven forbid I compliment my friend," she says with a little more edge than she'd intended. "What do you want to make?"_

_"Eggs. I usually like mine scrambled, but for you I'll fertilize th-"_

_She puts a hand over his mouth. "Shut up!" Gritting her teeth, she continues, "do you want that favor I owe you or not? If you can't pull this off, our deal's done."_

_"What if the favor is for you to date me?" He's still smiling, as flirtatious and amused as ever. She has no idea if he's being serious or not- never does, not with him._

_"It's still a null deal if you can't convince my parents that you're, A: a friend of mine, not my boyfriend, and B: that you're a_ good  _influence on me, not a bad one. Got it? You have two jobs, and right now you're not accomplishing either of them. Now, I'd really like to have this go well and it's in your own best interest for it to go well, too, so grow. up."_

_"You act like flirting with girls is not a thing adult men do, too."_

_Honestly, if she thought she could get away with it, she probably would've punched him by now. "Hisoka. Do you understand me?"_

_Another innuendo is on the tip of his tongue, but she sees him force it down. "Yeah, sure. Whatever."_

_She turns away from him, looking in the kitchen cabinets and letting loose a sigh. "I sure hope so. What do you want to eat?"_

 

* * *

 

"Fine. I'm on my way."

Esu stands up, examining her. With one sharp blow he knocks her out, not wanting her to be awake for this. It wouldn't do if Illumi slipped up and called Esu by his real name, now would it? Even In her unconscious state, however, she still seems to be in an awful lot of pain. He wonders how bad it really is- would it be enough to even make him flinch? He doesn't even feel pain, anymore. Not after Feitan had a night with him. 

"Wow, she's in a bad state," Illumi comments behind him. Esu turns around, giving a lazy grin. 

"It seems like she's remembered a little too much. However, I do need to fight her, so is there any way you can change the properties of your needle?" 

"Not without taking it out entirely." 

"Then do it," Esu says, absently taking out a deck of cards. Pretending to ignore Illumi, he proceeds to shuffle and deal, practicing the same card tricks he'd made a living off of when he was younger. His eyes flick towards the two other occupants every so often but his inattention doesn't affect his movements in the slightest: even as he watches Illumi take the needle out of Si's head, Esu's hands are flying. 

"Alright. Since you want to start all over again with the girl, what do you want me to do this time?" 

Esu makes a considering noise. A card flies into the air, seemingly changing suit in midair before landing back in his hands. "Well, the object needs to be the same. She can not realize who I am."

"What about the consequences? It doesn't have to be pain. I can do paralysis, nausea, unconsciousness...although I'd prefer it not to be paralysis. That's what I plan to use on Killu."

"I don't really want her to throw up every time she looks at me. That'd be...rather unsanitary." He glances up at Illumi. "Is there a way you can stop it from progressing that quickly again?" 

"Not really, no. The symptoms are designed to become worse every time my commands are defied. And she is quite the defiant one." Something in the way Illumi looks down at her seems strange, but Esu puts it off on the whole Gittarackur thing the man currently has going on.

"Would it be possible to take the needle out and stick it back in every time the symptoms got bad? Would that reset it?" 

"You seem awfully concerned about this girl, Hiso." 

Esu makes a face. "Must you really call me that? And I've already told you. She's someone I know from my past, and I'd really rather she not find out who I am." 

"I'd ask why that is, but then that'd give you free rein to ask about my past, too." Illumi looks over the needle. It has traces of blood on it, but that doesn't seem to bother or disgust him in the slightest. "But to answer your question, you or anyone else could take the needle out of her head any time you like, but once it's out, the Nen stops working. It needs my power to start working again. I don't plan to be around her in the coming months, so unless you want to take the needle out yourself and risk her figuring out who you are, you're going to have to deal with the fact that she's going to be in pain." 

Esu flicks a card from his deck. It lands a few feet away, deeply embedded into the wall. 

"What, do you like her?" Illumi's voice is curious even though his face is blank. "I know you don't like torturing people, but this is a little excessive, even for you." 

"I don't particularly care one way or another about how much pain she's in," Esu says calmly, walking over to the card and picking it up. "But, like you said, I don't relish the idea of causing pain to other people outside of battle, unlike you and some others." He makes a face, bending a card. The rest of the deck fans out across the floor. 

"You do realize Chrollo was just as mad at Feitan as he was at you, right?" 

"That changes nothing. He still tricked me into thinking an eight hour torture session was a Phantom Troupe initiation rite. I had to use Texture Surprise on my whole body for months to hide the scars." 

"Mm." Illumi waves his hand over the needle; a black aura appears around it. "I overheard him talking about that night once. He said he'd never found someone as weird as you. Said you wouldn't even scream." 

"I sealed my mouth shut with Bungee Gum." He shrugs, offering Illumi a smirk as he sits back down on the floor. "It's their own fault for not using Gyo." 

"So you've decided to go with pain again?" Illumi asks, not replying to Esu's last comment as he turns the needle over in his hands. 

"Yes."

Illumi goes to stick the needle in again, joints creaking. "Actually," Esu cuts in, "Can you stick it somewhere else? If the pain starts coming from a different part of her head, that should confuse her more." 

"Okay." With one swift movement, the needle's in. "Once she wakes up, she should be okay. If you don't want her possibly managing to localize the pain and pull the needle out, however, I'd advise you stay away from her after the exam's over." 

Ignoring Illumi's advice, Esu says, "If you're planning to stick a needle in Killua's head as well, does that mean you'll have to stay away from him, too?" 

"I never said Killu's needle was triggered by me." 

Esu stands up from where'd he been sitting and brushes off his pants. "You can go now. If you hurry, Killua and Pokkle's battle might not be over yet." 

"I'll do that." Illumi straightens, his entire body creaking and hissing. Once again Esu wonders how much is Illumi and how much are the needles, but he stays silent. Instead, he turns back to the girl still unconscious on the bed, watching her as Illumi's footsteps fade into the distance. 

"Come now. It's time to wake up." He taps the place where the needle had gone in, waits. When nothing happens, he taps it again, harder, and the girl's eyes snap open. Interesting. 

The girl instinctively lashes out with her dominant- broken- hand. He catches it easily, watching, unmoved, as she winces. "Shit, ow. That hurt." 

"Next time, try not to attack the people who are only trying to help you." 

"You were standing right over me and I'd just woken up," she defends. Something in her tone seems...off. "What was I supposed to do? Assume the extremely tall and menacing guy looming over me intends only beneficial things?" 

"How is your head?" 

"My...?" she hesitantly reaches a hand to the aforementioned body part. "It's fine." 

"The truth, please. If I'm going to fight you, I at least want to know how pathetic your resistance is going to be before I get my hopes up too high." 

"Well, you broke my hand. Even if my head were fine, it'd still be a pretty awful fight." Esu crosses his arms and gives her a look. She sighs and says, "It feels better. Still throbbing a little, but nothing I can't handle. Now, if you'll get out of my way, I believe you have a fight to win."

"Already conceding? My, my. I'd expected so much more from you." 

She mutters a few curses at him and puts her feet on the floor, standing up. Once she's ascertained her legs are strong enough to support her weight, she looks over at Esu. For some reason, looking at him doesn't hurt as much as it did just- uh, how long has it been, anyway? "How long have I been out?" 

"Just a few minutes. I carried you back here so you'd recover." 

That short of a time? How come her head feels so much better already? Pushing away her confusion, she nods. She'll think about this later. "Alright. Let's go." Sarcastically motioning at the door, she adds, "Ladies first." 

 

* * *

 

"Now that Silent has sufficiently recovered, we will now hold the match between Silent and Esu. Begin!" 

It's not even a contest. She is as outmatched as a mouse is to a tiger. Esu weaves in and out effortlessly, dodging her attacks without even having to concentrate. Without her Hatsu improving her speed, she's like a snail or a slug compared to him. With a broken hand and a throbbing head to add into this whole thing, well...

There's a flash. 

Before she knows what's happening, Esu is holding her to him, preventing her from getting away. His smug smile makes her head hurt, but not as bad as earlier. "Now, now," he says in that condescending tone of his, "You and I both know your resistance is futile." 

She kicks at him, but to no avail. She might as well have kicked a mountain. "You said you wanted resistance, so that's what I'm giving." 

With one easy, graceful movement, she's sent flying through the air. Eyes wide, she tries desperately to gain control of her body, to gauge where she is, but another blow rocks her frame and she's sent in the other direction. Esu rains down blow after blow on her, a sadistic gleam in his eyes, before he stops and suddenly gets uncomfortably close to her as she's struggling back to her feet. "You know, I usually...dislike...seeing other people get tortured. I simply see no point in it. But, you see, in battle I can always make an exception."

"I don't see why that's remotely relevant," she mutters, ducking as he tries to send another blow her way. His other fist catches her in her stomach and she wheezes, jumping backwards to avoid his next hit. 

 _Why am I even fighting him?_ She wonders.  _I'm wounded, I'm exhausted- the more time I spend fighting him, the less chance I have of beating Leorio in the next round. Who knows- kid might have some kind of fighting skill after all._

She turns to the ref, barely managing to dodge the magician's next hit. "I concede the fight. Esu wins." 

She walks off and goes to stand next to Hanzo, Killua, Kurapika and Leorio. Somehow, their presence makes her feel just a little safer- something that's needed after an extended period of time with the psychopathic joker clown known as Esu. The aforementioned joker clown frowns at her but says nothing, striding over to stand next to Illumi. 

"The next fight is Gittarackur and Pokkle!" 

Illumi moves towards the center of the room. Pokkle follows, looking slightly terrified. As they stand across from each other, Illumi smiles- with as many needles in his face as he has, it's quite intimidating. "Ah, what am I thinking? I won't be needing these anymore." He reaches up and takes a needle out. His hair color changes. She looks over at Killua as his brother slowly takes more and more pins out; the white-haired boy looks terrified. She reaches out a consoling hand, but he shrugs it off, stepping away from her. 

Once all the needles are out, Illumi's face begins its transition. Esu is placid, emotionless. Illumi's face contracts and contorts, finally smoothing out. He opens expressionless eyes and says, "That's much better. Little brother, don't worry. I'll deal with you later." 

Ignoring Killua's clear body language telling her to stay away, she puts a hand on his shoulder. She wants to tell him she won't let him get hurt- that she's his friend- but the words refuse to come out.  _You made a decision back in Phase Four to stay away from them. Shouldn't you stick with it?_ Killua tenses up underneath her touch, but at least he doesn't move away. She counts it as a victory. 

Like with her and Esu, this fight isn't even sporting. Pokkle surrenders within a minute. Her frown grows throughout the entire thing, concern for Killua unabated despite her best efforts to do so. Why the hell does she have to care so much?

"The next fight is Leorio versus Silent!"

She stands across from her opponent _(your friend,_ a voice inside her head insists), frowning. She has no idea how she's going to win, but she has to try. She's not that selfless person that lets people win at the expense of her own career. She has no idea how good Pokkle is, since every fight he's been at, he's been severely outclassed, and with her injuries, nothing is for certain. So she needs to give her all to winning this battle while she still has the energy. 

She considers telling him she won't go easy on him, but discards the idea as idiocy. Leorio won't go easy on her; why should she insult him by telling him the same? 

"Begin!"

Leorio charges at her with all the strength and rage of a roaring bull. She dodges rather easily and springs backwards, considering. Since she can't use Nen, she needs to be extra cautious. She needs to feel her way around, making sure she comes to predict his every move. 

"Why aren't you fighting me!?" Leorio shouts, charging at her for about the tenth time. "Do you think you're all high and mighty!? Huh?" 

She stays silent, eyes narrowed.  _Alright, so he's going to feint left, then kick right._ This time, she doesn't jump backwards. She dodges deftly, ducking between all his blows and sending one, straight punch to his groin. The man cries out in agony, dropping his guard, and that's all she needs. She's always found men a little pathetic on that regard- they act all big and strong, but one kick or punch to their crotch and they're nothing more than crying babies. She counts herself lucky she wasn't born with such sensitive genitalia on display...

In his pain, Leorio completely forgets what he's doing- that he's fighting a duel. With three precise blows, he's on the ground, defenseless. "Do you yield?" She demands. 

"No!" 

 _Don't tell me this guy's going to pull a Gon._ "Look, buddy, I can stay here all day if I have to. Punch you as many times as I want to where the sun doesn't shine."

"If I don't win-" 

"And if I don't win, I'll have the same. You really think I'll let you win out of pity? Would you  _want_ me to let you win out of pity?" 

"No! Never," Leorio hisses, but his eyes hold no malice when he looks at her. She would've thought he'd hate her for this, but he doesn't. Does he still consider her a friend, even after she abandoned them all to that cave? 

There's a long silence. Finally, Leorio sighs. "I yield. Si wins." 

She lets go of him, letting him scramble away from her. And then she looks down at her hands. It's in that moment that she realizes why her punches were so accurate; she was using her broken, dominant hand. The adrenaline prevented her from feeling any pain.  _"Shit!"_


	12. Fountain of Life

"The last fight will be Pokkle versus Leorio!" 

She grimaces sourly down at her hand as she walks off to the side. Out of all the stupid things she's done, beating someone up with her broken hand in a place where she isn't allowed to use Nen to heal it is probably one of the dumbest things she's done in a while. She goes to move beside Killua, who doesn't even look at her. 

Mildly concerned- she wasn't watching him during her fight with Leorio, so Illumi might've done something- she looks over at him. Killua's eyes are downcast, his upper lip quivering ever so slightly. She has no idea if it's from fear or rage. His stance is tense and angry, his hair falling over his eyes so she can't get a good look into them. "Killua, are you oka-" 

She tries to touch him, but he moves out of reach, one hand sharpening into a claw.  _W_ _hat did Illumi do to him?_ Killua's breathing is speeding up; she has no idea how to calm it, knowing all too well that if she tries to touch him again, he could very well kill her. 

"You may begin!" The ref says. She risks a glance at Pokkle and Leorio. It's her fatal mistake. When she looks back, Killua is gone. Heartbeat speeding up, she wildly looks around- too late, she sees him right behind Pokkle. His hand raises, long nails gleaming-

 _"Killua, no!"_  

The boy hesitates. It's all she needs; she tackles him even as his hand tears into Pokkle's side, stifling her cry of pain as his claws cut into her instead. "Killua, what..." she slowly picks herself off of him. His eyes look wide and frightened, like a deer...or a twelve year old boy who'd just been hurt and abused by his own brother. 

"I'm..." he murmurs, trailing off. 

"Pokkle, are you alright?" She asks, ignoring Killua for a moment. The other applicant is bleeding a bit; thankfully, however, it doesn't look too bad. She doubts he'll be able to continue fighting very well, though. 

"I'm okay. If you hadn't tackled him, though, he probably would've killed me!" Pokkle bows as much as he can with his bleeding side. "Thank you very much!" 

"Hey, you don't have to bow. That's just quickening your bleeding. Ref." The man looks over at her, a spatter of blood staining his shirt. "Does this mean Pokkle's going to get disqualified because someone interfered in the match?" 

"If anything," Pokkle mutters, "It should be Leorio. Killua attacked  _me,_ not him." 

"Actually," the chairman says, "What I said earlier at Gon's match was a lie. The one who interferes is the one who gets disqualified." He grins. "99, you're out!" 

She takes a deep, calming breath. "...I'm sorry, what?"

"Well, I knew if I said that you'd disqualify yourselves, all of you would've willingly done that to free the boy," Netero explains, "So I lied. It made for a much more entertaining fight in the end, too!" 

Her hand still clutching Killua's shirt tightens into a fist. Belatedly, she realizes she once again started using her broken hand.  _"Ow,"_ she whisper-yells, then turns to the chairman. "Are you fuc-" 

"Kil." Illumi interrupts her like she's not even there. "You didn't do what I asked. You recognize the consequences of that, yes?" 

Killua's eyes dull, the once vibrant blue almost black. "Yes, brother." 

"Good." Even though Illumi's expression doesn't change, she can hear the smile. It sickens her. "Chairman, since I've won my fight, I technically qualify already, right? So I can go and kill an applicant- say, Gon for instance- and that'd be okay?" 

Killua stiffens. The blue turns murderous, but he doesn't move. She chances a quick look at Esu, who looks placid- like Illumi hadn't just suggested killing one of the people he'd gone out of his way to pay attention to.  _Esu must have realized Illumi's bluffing. If he didn't, he'd be just as mad as the rest of us._

Leorio is shouting protests, but Netero cuts him off. "I'm sorry to say that that is not the case. Killua already won his fight but is still disqualified. If you wish to kill an applicant, you will have to wait until after you receive your license." 

Her nausea grows. She tries to stop it, tries to reason with herself.  _They're not your friends, dumbass. You don't have any friends! You should be fine with them dying!_ She grits her teeth.  _But if it involves Illumi, it becomes my business. I won't let that man hurt any more of my- hurt anyone else._

"Oh." Illumi considers. "That's a pity. I guess it'll have to be after the exam, then." 

She slowly picks herself up and gasps as a spasm of pain sears through her. Damn, Killua got her good. She looks down; her entire front is covered with blood. A deep, jagged gash is sliced across her ribs, just above her stomach, and from the dizziness starting to settle in, she can tell she's already losing blood.  _Just great. It probably punctured my lung or something._ She's bleeding an alarming amount; she needs to get somewhere alone, and fast, so she can use her Hatsu. 

"Do you need medical attention?" The ref questions, coming up to her again. She shakes her head, even though she can barely breathe through the lightheaded feeling beginning to grow. 

"No, I'll be fine. I just need to lie down and rest." She starts walking out and would've fallen over, had not the man steadied her.  _Dammit. How am I ever going to get alone if I can't even walk?_

"Miss, let me help you," the ref says. "I can support you until you get to a waiting room." 

She bites her lip. If he's a Hunter, she can use Nen around him, right? There just can't be any non-Nen users. "Okay. Thank you." A few steps later, Leorio joins up, saying he's training as a doctor and that he can help bandage her up. She politely refuses, looking at the ref for help.  _Nen,_ she mouths, giving him a pleading look. 

"Thank you for the offer, but I will be able to take care of Silent-san on my own," he says. She manages to keep her sigh of relief inside. 

"But-"

"I'll be fine, Leorio. Don't worry about me. Take care of Killua while I'm gone, okay?" She fights a grimace as soon as she says those words. What is she, Killua's mom?  _You're not even supposed to be their friends,_ her brain taunts.  _You abandoned them when they needed you. They shouldn't want you around anymore. Besides, they'll leave you in the end. They just aren't worth it._

The rest of the walk is uneventful. The referee helps her into the closest waiting room where she collapses onto the bed, groaning. "Ugh. I couldn't wait to get out of there. No one there knows Nen except Esu and-" she catches herself just in time, knowing Illumi had never actually spoken his name out loud- "that weird guy with the needles." 

"Nen?" The ref questions innocently. 

She glares at him. "I know you know Nen. Your Ten is showing." 

"You got me there. So you have some kind of healing Hatsu?" 

"Yep." She nods. "I wanted to use it earlier on my broken hand, but I never got the chance. And then I started beating people up with it. I'm really smart, aren't I?" Unsurprisingly, the man doesn't respond, so she says, "Fountain of Life!" 

The effects are immediate. The bones in her hand ripple as they mend back together again; the stabbing agony fades from her chest. The only thing that doesn't change is the occasional throb her head gives, whenever she thinks about- ow- Esu. She frowns. 

"Are you an Enhancer?" 

She looks up, a little surprised; she'd completely forgotten the ref was even there. "Um...I don't know, actually. I've never taken the water divination test. This sounds weird, but I've always sort of had equal mastery over all five categories. I've never found any specific technique hard just because of its category. But the abilities I know are both Enhancer abilities, so I guess you could say I am."  _Stupid,_ she thinks.  _You shouldn't have said anything. He works for the chairman, after all._ "Um, by the way...do you happen to have any spare clothes I can change into?" 

He blinks. "Oh, yes. I'll go get them for you." 

 

* * *

 

Once she's clean and fully dressed, she heads back into the hall, only to discover it's almost deserted. The only people left are the cleaning crew, who are belaboring over the dried bloodstains left from Gon and Hanzo's fight.

Speaking of Gon...

"Hello. Are you looking for the other applicants?" _How did they know I'm an applicant? Am I wearing some sort of sign saying 'clueless individual, please help?'_

"Um, yes. Did they go to other waiting rooms?" 

"Yes, I believe so. The majority of them went that way." The woman points to the opposite door.

Thanking the woman, she speeds out into the hallway, jogging through the corridors until she comes onto a room with the door ajar and a bunch of people inside, clustered around...Gon?

She has no idea how she does it, but she's inside the room and at the boy's beside in what feel like a second. The others- Leorio, Kurapika, Pokkle- jump. "How is he?"

"Other than the broken arm, he has a couple of bruised ribs and a concussion," Leorio explains, tone becoming doctor-like. "He has a ton of other cuts and bruises as well, but none of them are deep enough to be life-threatening or anything more than a mild annoyance."

"Okay." She pauses, hesitantly asking, "and where's Killua?"

"We have no idea." It's Kurapika who answers this time. "After you left, Killua walked away. We have no idea where to; we haven't seen him at all, even when we searched through all the rooms."

That they were still concerned enough about Killua to look for him even when he'd tried to murder someone is something special. She can tell they're definitely true friends with each other. _Too bad that sentiment doesn't extend to you, huh?_

"So, we all passed, then. Right?"

"Yeah," Pokkle, Kurapika, and Leorio all respond. None of them look all that pumped; Pokkle's sporting a huge bandage, though, so that could be part of it. 

"Si, since you weren't there when the chairman was speaking, our Hunter orientation is being held tomorrow at noon. Until then, we're free to do as we wish." Kurapika gives a wry smile. "Including, as he said, murdering someone else. That's why we're all around Gon; we don't want Illumi to get to him." 

"Oh, okay." She says nothing about the Illumi and Gon business. "Um, do any of you know where Hanzo is?" 

"No idea." Kurapika looks the slightest bit affronted. She guesses that blatantly choosing someone else over protecting Gon is not a good thing in Kurapika's mind. "I think he went the opposite way we did, though; Esu, he, and Illumi all went the same direction." 

"Alright, thanks." She goes to walk away. 

"What, that's it?" Leorio asks, stopping her in her tracks. "You pop in to make sure he's alive, ask about the Hunter orientation, then leave to go find the same guy that just beat Gon up? What the hell is wrong with you!?" 

She clenches her jaw but doesn't turn around. "You're already protecting him. I don't see why there has to be four people when three can do the job just as well."

"You just don't want to spend time with us, do you?" It's Kurapika this time. With a heavy sigh, she turns around to face them. Pokkle awkwardly steps to the side. 

"What makes you think that?" 

"You never came back after the cave thing happened. You've clearly been avoiding talking to us about anything serious since then; every time any of us has brought it up, you've changed the subject or left. And now that you're satisfied Gon's okay, you're ditching us for the same guy that did this to Gon in the first place." Unlike Leorio, Kurapika's tone is measured and calm; he doesn't seem to be accusing her in the slightest. Despite that, though, she can still feel his anger burning into her from his stare. 

"Maybe I just needed time to think?" She curses herself when it comes out more as a question than a statement. 

"We've given you time, Si. You seem to have already decided, and that decision was not to be friends with us." 

Pokkle carefully edges out the door. 

"Okay, so maybe I did," she defends, crossing her arms. "Maybe I did, but why even bring this up? So what if I don't want to be friends with a bunch of children; that's my business, not any of yours!" 

"You made it our business when you became friends with Gon!" Leorio shouts, "and by extension, us!" 

She turns back around again, unwilling to say anything more- unwilling to reveal just why she's doing this. "Whatever. I'm done talking." 

Before she can get three steps, Leorio grabs her arm, pulling her back around.

"LET ME GO!" She rips free in an instant, backs away from him. "Don't touch me again." 

Something in her eyes must scare him, because Leorio just nods. "I-I won't. But please, stay here." 

"What do you want from me?" She's tired. She's fought two people, collapsed from severe pain, gotten stabbed, and now she's being taken to case by Gon's friends. When is this hell day going to end? 

"I just want to know the truth." The blond glances over at Gon before looking back at her. "You obviously have a reason for all this. Just tell us what it is, and we'll leave you alone." 

Her lip trembles and she desperately tries to suppress the urge to cry. Something inside her head is telling her this probably isn't a good idea, but she's exhausted. She's vulnerable and her head hurts and she's never felt as emotionally open as she does now. "Fine. You want to know why I left? It's because my first love abandoned me. We'd just started officially dating, but then his brother got murdered. The next thing I know, he's gone. The only thing he left behind was a note telling me that he never loved me, I was just something to pass the time." 

Her chest hurts now, but not from the stab wound. "It took me over a year to recover from that. After that, I found love again, this time with friends. My two best friends. But one night, one of them was walking home alone. It was pitch black, no one could see a thing. So someone took advantage of that, and he-" she cuts off. She briefly wonders why she's telling this to them. "The criminal came back a week later to finish her off. Then, he came around and did it to the other one, too. Then he tried to do it to me." 

Leorio's eyes are so, so sad. She expects to see pity, but all she sees is pain- for her. "So you think the same thing's gonna happen with us? You think we'll leave you, too?" 

"One way or another. It doesn't really matter if it's not of your own accord; it still hurts. Everyone dies in the end, and none of us are going to be exceptions to that rule." 

"But that's no reason not to have any friends," Kurapika protests measuredly. "It's stupid to cut yourself off from something that could bring you so much joy in the end. You think you're just gonna go without friends for the whole rest of your life? That's a horribly lonely existence."

She shrugs. "I only have one reason to live, and it's not because of my friends. After I accomplish what I set out to do, there's no reason for me to be alive anymore." 

"What a load of crap!" Leorio yells, making her jump. "I swear, you're like Kurapika, but worse! There's plenty of reason for you to be alive, dumbass, and not because of some secret mission you've taken upon yourself to do because you're a complete idiot! You have your friends, family if you have any, heck you should stay alive just to spite Esu and anyone else that wants to kill you!"

She crosses her arms. Sighs. "Leorio, I appreciate your concern but it honestly doesn't matter to me. If I die, I die. That's it. I don't really care after that." 

Leorio looks like he has to restrain himself from shaking her. As he opens her mouth, probably to lecture her some more, Kurapika puts a hand on his shoulder and murmurs  _stop._ "Si, I understand what you're feeling. I wanted to die after my clan was massacred. But after that, I just wanted to kill the Phantom Troupe for what they did. What I'm saying is that you should find a good reason for living. Not like mine, which is just for vengeance. Not like yours. I know you want to help people, but eventually you need to stop living only for others. It's just going to drain you in the end." 

She considers saying  _well I already feel empty, so that's not gonna make a difference,_ but decides that's probably a little too much angst for one day. Instead she says, "If you can't find a good reason for living, how am I supposed to be able to find one?" 

He shrugs. "I don't know. I think you can figure it out yourself. You're smart." 

She rolls her eyes at him, glaring when he smirks. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll be going now." She points a finger at Leorio. "No yelling. I'll consider what you've said, but for now I wanna go talk to someone that's actually close to my age." 

"I'm older than he is!" Leorio says, offended. 

"You are?" 

"Yes!" 

"Huh." She gives him a weird glance. "I always thought you were younger." 

Leorio looks like he doesn't know whether to strangle her or himself, so she starts out the door rather hurriedly. "Anyway, see you later!" 

Well. They've certainly given her a lot to think about. 

 

* * *

 

"Hey, Hanzo. What's up?" 

"You're finally back. Took you awhile." He turns around, then pauses. "Wait...didn't Killua rip your side up? Where are the bandages?" 

 _Shit._ She hadn't even thought about the possibility someone would notice she's suddenly all better. It hadn't seemed to have even crossed Leorio and Kurapika's minds, but apparently Hanzo is different. "It's, um..." she struggles for a way out and decides _fuck it_. After all, they're gonna have to learn Nen anyway, right? So it shouldn't be technically illegal anymore, now that they're all Hunters. "I'm not sure if you'll believe me." 

"I've seen many strange things in my life. Try me." 

Crossing her fingers that this won't get her in huge trouble, she says, "Okay. I want you tell me if you feel a difference when I do...this." She goes into Ren. 

The effect is immediate; Hanzo steps back, eyes widening. "You didn't do anything, but somehow your presence feels...bigger. How?" 

She lets her Ren relax. "It's called Nen. This is a closely-guarded secret that Hunters are only supposed to reveal under exceptional circumstances, but since you're a Hunter now it shouldn't be a problem. Nen is basically your life force, or your aura. You can't see it right now because..." she huffs, trying to think of a way to describe it. "Okay, think of it this way. All over your body, including inside your eyes, there are these tiny holes called pores- kinda like on your face, but different. I believe they're called aura nodes. Right now, all of yours are closed, including the ones in your eyes, so you can't see Nen. You also can't control your own Nen, since to do so, you have to have all your aura nodes opened." 

"...okay." He looks more skeptical than confused. 

"Just hear me out, okay? I mean, how else do you think I would've healed so fast if it weren't for some mystical power I'm calling Nen?" Hanzo doesn't say anything so she takes that as an indication to go on.

"Aura nodes can be opened one out of two ways. The first, generally the safer but longer way, is called meditation. Not quite sure how it works, but apparently you can slowly open your nodes with it. The second, which is the one I went through, is called Gehou. How this works is another proficient Nen user will use their aura to forcibly jar your nodes into opening. It's more dangerous, and if done incorrectly, can result in permanent disability or death, but unlike meditation the effects are immediate."

"But how does this relate to your fast healing?" 

"Don't worry, I'm getting there." She gives him a look. "Once your aura nodes are open, you can see other people's aura as well as your own. You can also try to control your aura. I'm not going to go into detail over that part, so I'll just skip ahead since you're so impatient. Basically, there are four basic Nen abilities; Ten, Ren, Zetsu, and Hatsu. Hatsu is a specialized category that's different for every person. One of my Hatsu abilities allows me, through enhancing my aura, to greatly speed up my self-regeneration ability. Hatsu varies widely from person to person, though. I've heard of an assassin that could transmute his aura into a dragon."

"Can Esu and Illumi use this...Nen?" 

Her eyes widen and a smile spreads across her face. "You picked that up quickly! Yeah, they can both use Nen, and very proficiently at that. Far better than I, although my lack of experience is probably a huge reason for that. I haven't seen any of Esu's Nen abilities except what he uses with his cards. I won't go into detail, but he enhances their speed and sharpness with it. Illumi..." she fights down her nausea. "Illumi is a Manipulator. I'll go into that later, if you want, but basically this allows him to manipulate his aura, and generally by extension, other people and objects. I've only seen one of his abilities, but let's just say it wasn't pleasant."

"Wait, you've seen Illumi before this exam, then? Since people aren't allowed to reveal the existence of Nen to the general public?" 

 _Shi-_ "Well," she says, desperately trying to recover, "He wasn't aware he was being watched. Gon, Geretta, and I were all watching Esu when Illumi walked in disguised as Gittarackur. He took all the needles out of his face, dug a hole in the ground, and apparently went to sleep. Since changing the aspect of your face is a Manipulation ability, it's very likely he's a Manipulator. It generally isn't wise to pick a Hatsu that's outside of your regular ability."

"You're lying," Hanzo says. "What aren't you telling me?" 


	13. Backlash

_"Hey, Mom. This is my friend, Hisoka."_

_"You're my daughter's friend?" Unlike with her dad, there's no judgment in her mom's tone. "It's so wonderful to meet you. I'm glad she's found a friend." With absolutely no ceremony whatsoever, she gives them a wink and says, "maybe even something more, hm?"_

_"Mom!" She'd expected this would happen; why is she suddenly so flustered? "He's my friend. Nothing more."_

_"Not by my choice," Hisoka cuts in, draping an arm around her. He's so close she can feel his body heat surrounding her. "If I had my way, we'd-"_

_She elbows him and turns around, gives him her best death glare, and mouths_ this wasn't the deal, Hisoka.  _"Erm, sorry Mom," she says, turning back around. "He's always like this. I keep telling him his sense of humor is awful, but he never listens."_

_Her mom is smiling. Not that that never happens or anything, but of late she's been in too much pain to do it much. Now, she's nothing but smiles. Any guilt Y/N had had about lying to her is relieved. In all honesty, it's not really even a lie- she and Hisoka definitely have a weird relationship, but it's something approximating friendship. Kinda._

_"You two look good together," her mom says._

_She blushes- actually, honest to God blushes. Dammit. Hisoka's gonna tease her about this for weeks._   _"Mom..."_

_"Okay, okay. Well, what grade are you in, Hisoka?"_

_If the boy's surprised at being asked such a normal question, he doesn't show it. "Since we've finished school, I'll be a senior in the fall, ma'am."_

_"How old are you? Seventeen?"_

_"Yes ma'am." He hesitates for a second, before plowing straight into one of the questions she'd rather he not have asked. "Pardon me, but what's your illness? Your daughter told me you're very sick, but not which disease you're sick of."_

For all his feigned politeness,  _she thinks,_ he still has zero sense of tact. 

_"It's called the Zoldyck Curse. We have no idea why it was named that; something to do with the family who was first reported to have it. It's only been around for a few years, less than a decade at most, so no one's found a cure yet."_

_"I see. I'm very sorry."_

_Her mom smiles sadly, the gaunt lines in her face highlighted strongly from the movement. "Don't be. I've had almost a year to prepare for eternity. The only thing left for me to do is die, or live if someone finds a cure. I seriously doubt they will, which is why I'm prepared for my death."_

_"Mom..."_

_"Oh, sweetheart." She reaches out a thin hand from her position on her bed. "It's going to be okay."_

_Empty words, and everyone in the room knows it. If her mom dies, it won't be okay. It's her_ mother,  _for goodness' sake. Like they say, a lover can be replaced but a mother is a one-time deal._

_She glances back at Hisoka. She wants to be more vulnerable, tell her mom what she really thinks, but with Hisoka in the room...like she said earlier, their relationship is...unconventional, to say the least. She'd like to think they're friends, but he blatantly disproves the idea every time it comes up. Even more confusing, he then flirts with her every chance he gets. She'd almost think he wants something more than a platonic relationship, but if so, she doesn't want one with him._

_Not even because of him specifically- although she does tend to think the only reason he'd want a relationship is for sex or something other than genuine feelings and commitment- it's partially because of him, yes, but that's not all of it. She knows she's in the minority here, but she honestly doesn't see the point in getting into relationships with people that she most likely won't even be talking to within a year. If she's going to date someone, she wants it to be real and lasting._

_"Hisoka, have you eaten yet? I can get my daughter to cook you something if you're hungry."_

_"We actually just fixed up something a few minutes ago," Hisoka replies politely. He's such a good actor that his politeness doesn't even feel fake, but knowing him as she does, the lie is blaring._

_"Oh, really? How long have you been here, then?"_

_"Less than an hour," she responds, finally jumping back into the conversation. "Dad was giving Hisoka a hard time."_

_Her mom shakes her head, a small smile tugging up one corner of her mouth. "Your father is a little too overprotective at times, I think. But only when it comes to boys."_

_She groans. "He's not-"_

_"She never said I was, darling," Hisoka says, smirking. "Your fervent denial seems rather strange, though, don't you think? Rather_ too  _defensive, hm?"_

_She punches him in the shoulder. It's by no means a soft blow, but Hisoka doesn't even budge. "Hisoka, I swear to God-"_

_"Why aren't you two dating, exactly?" Her mother asks innocently. "You look-"_

_"I'm going to stop you right there, Mom."_

_"No, no, please do go on, Mrs. L/N." Hisoka's grin has never been quite this infuriating._

_"I was just saying, I think you two have really good chemistry. You look good together."_

_"Why does it feel like both of you are against me now?" She complains, glaring at the two other occupants in the room. "You're supposed to be on_ my _side, Mom, not his!"_

_"Oh, I am on your side, dear. I'm on the side of whatever makes you happy, and-"_

_"It'd make me happy," she mutters, "If we never mentioned this again-"_

_"-You and Hisoka definitely have the potential to be a good couple!"_

_"See?" the aforementioned boy says smugly. "I told you we could!"_

_If a hole opened up in the ground, she wouldn't even hesitate. She would jump straight in without a second's thought. "You did not say that. You said something way different." What he'd actually asked had been way more along the lines of a friends with benefits situation- laughable, because he still doesn't seem to consider her a friend, let alone a friend that gives him 'benefits'. "Mom," she continues, "didn't you say you wanted me to find a_ _friend,_   _not a_ boy _friend?"_

_"Now you're just grasping at straws," Hisoka mutters. She glares at him._

_"Well, having friends is important, but a boyfriend is even better! I'll take what I can get." Her mom's still smiling, bigger than she's seen in more than a year- bigger than she's ever seen since they found out what Mom's illness was. And even though she's horribly embarrassed, kind of pissed at Hisoka, and wanting to die in a hole, seeing her mom smile makes it worth it._

_"But I don't_ want  _him as a boyfriend," she protests. "Having him as a friend is just fine. I have absolutely no feelings for him any other way. Dating him would just be weird."_

_"You're certainly blunt," Hisoka says, frowning a little. For a second she wonders if she actually managed to hurt him, but she discards the notion. Other than that one time she asked him what he wanted for his birthday (and, okay, maybe a few other times but it's not like she's keeping count), she's never seen him look anything but calm and composed. Like she said earlier- she doubts Hisoka even has feelings._

_"You should give him a chance!" Her mom says, crossing her arms. She looks more animated than Y/N's seen her in years._

_"I've known him for a while, Mom. Pretty sure that already counts as a chance."_

_A huff. "Fine. I guess I'll stop, then. We'll talk about something else if that makes you feel better."_

_She sighs in relief. "Ugh, thank God."_

 

* * *

 

"You're lying," Hanzo says. "About Illumi. What aren't you telling me?" 

 _Shit. What now?_ "You're acting like I've never told you a lie," she says, attempting a laugh. 

"Just because you have doesn't mean I want you to continue doing it," he retorts, crossing his arms. "Did you meet Illumi before this exam?" 

She looks out of the room to check if anyone's listening in. Once she's satisfied they aren't, she shuts the door and leans against it with a sigh. "I'm only telling you this because you'd beat my ass if I didn't," she says. 

Hanzo grins. "Don't worry, I won't tell." 

"I met him...two years ago. He hurt my friends." she closes her eyes, debates if she should continue. "He  _killed_ my friends. Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, he- he stuck needles in their corpses. He reanimated their  _dead bodies_ and made me look at them. So yeah, it wasn't all that pleasant."

"Did you stop him?"

She refuses to meet his eyes. "I didn't know Nen back then. Until that point, I'd had only a bit of self-defense training. I was basically defenseless."

"How did you escape, then?"

She shrugs, desperately trying to think up a plausible lie. She's already overshared for the day with Gon's friends, and she also doesn't particularly like telling the story of what _really_ happened that day. "To this day, I'm not really sure. All I know is someone got in front of Illumi right before he would've killed me, said something, and then they both vanished. I never saw him again after that...until this exam." 

"So, basically," Hanzo says dryly, apparently believing her, "It's not just that he's an abusive asshole to his brother. He's just a sadistic, abusive asshole to everyone around him." 

She grimaces. "Basically." 

"So, now that you're a Hunter, what will you do?" Hanzo asks after a short silence.

She considers. "I think, first, I want to get stronger. There's something I want to do, but weak as I am, I'd be useless. Do you still want to find your scroll?" 

"Yes, but..." he smiles. "I think I'd really like to learn Nen before I do so. It strikes me as a very useful technique."

It takes her a second to realize what he's saying. "Uh, sorry but I'm not gonna teach you Nen." 

"But surely your teacher could take me on, too?" 

"My teacher's dead," she says baldly.

"Oh."

"But, I do really want to continue training in Nen. How about we make a deal: if either of us find a really good Nen teacher, we'll contact the other and ask our teacher to take on the other of us, too." 

"Deal," Hanzo says instantly. "I'll need your phone number for that, though." 

She grins. "What is this really, Hanzo? Is this just some elaborate scheme to get my number?" 

"Ah, you got me." He shakes his head, laughing. "No, don't worry, I don't like you like that. Besides, I could do much better than  _you."_

"Yeah?" She asks, glaring at him half-heartedly, "Well I can do a hell of a lot better than  _you._ So feeling's mutual." 

Hanzo rolls his eyes. "Just give me your phone number already." 

In a matter of seconds, she's added to Hanzo's contacts. He sends her a text (some super wordy one with archaic language that makes her roll her eyes; really, Hanzo? Really?) and she adds him back, snapping a quick photo of him to add as his contact pic. It looks awful, but she supposes that's what makes it great. 

"So, what now?" she asks, walking over to the bed opposite the ninja's. "We have orientation tomorrow at noon, but what are you gonna do afterwards? Or rather, where are you gonna go?" 

"Probably back to Jappon," he says. He slides off his bed and starts stretching. "I want to update my family on my status and check in with my master to make sure I'm still cleared to go on my quest." 

"Wait, your master has that much control over your life? Damn." 

Hanzo shrugs. "It's pretty common in Jappon. All good warriors have good masters, and the masters generally have more influence over you and your life than your family. After all, they're the ones who decide whether you live or die in something as simple as a skirmish."

She nods. "So, what kind of fighter are you? Are you more the assassin or the battle-field knight type?" 

"Good warriors in Jappon are a little bit of both." Hanzo bends down, back cracking as he does so. "I have been trained in the art of killing and of torture, but I've also been in many battles." 

She lets out a slow whistle. "Certainly sounds like you fight  _way_ too much. Do you even have a life outside battle?" 

He huffs. "No, but that's not always a bad thing." 

"Well, Esu doesn't seem to have one and look how he ended up." 

"That's the most illogical thing I've ever heard." 

She rolls onto her stomach and stretches out, groaning. "Yeah, whatever, ninja boy. I dunno about you but I'm ready to call it a night." 

Even though she isn't facing him, she can feel his dry look burning into her back. "It's not even nine." 

She yawns a huge, exaggerated yawn. "I'm  _tired."_ He doesn't respond. She turns back around to find him still stretching, but his eyes flick up to her. "Do you honestly have any better ideas, Hanzo?" 

As soon as she sees the evil grin on his face, she regrets ever asking.

"Actually, I might." 

 

* * *

 

"I hope you know I hate you." She's face down on her bed, in so much pain she can barely move. Every single muscle is screaming from overuse and her head is throbbing- this time, not from anything related to Esu. 

"Like I care." 

She'd respond with something snarky, but she doesn't have the energy. She just groans. 

"It wasn't even that long of a training session. It's barely past eleven." 

"Says the ninja who's been training nonstop for eighteen years to the lazy girl who hasn't even had a proper self-defense class her whole life." 

"That's your own fault, then." Hanzo is as serene as ever, continuing to do his stupidly amazing balancing exercises (he's on the ball of one foot now, other foot stretched basically to the ceiling- she took dance class a few times and thinks it's called an arabesque, or maybe a ponche). She hides her face in her pillow before stopping, a sudden realization lighting her brain.

"I'm an idiot. I have a Nen ability that literally heals me of any injury, provided I fulfill the conditions." 

"Conditions?" 

"I'll tell you after I heal myself," she says rather pointedly, then continues, "Fountain of Life!"

With a rush of light, all her aches and pains are eased. She sighs with relief and lies back down, suddenly sleepy. "Okay," she mumbles, eyes starting to slip shut, "Nen conditions..."

She's asleep before she can even finish the sentence. 

 

* * *

 

They're partway through the orientation when Gon bursts in.

In all honesty, she welcomes the intrusion; the orientation had been, so far, boring as hell. Gon's arm is bandaged still and his face has a bandaid over where Hanzo cut him, but his eyes are just as bright as ever as he walks past her, past Esu, past Kurapika and Leorio straight towards Illumi. 

"Apologize to Killua!" he demands. 

Illumi barely blinks. "Apologize? For what?" 

"You don't know what you did wrong?" 

Knowing Illumi like she does, she thinks it's fairly likely that he actually doesn't. She has no idea what Illumi's upbringing was like as the eldest of the family, but it was probably not pleasant. Not one of Zoldycks she's met have seemed remotely normal and she has a feeling it extends to the entire family. 

"Nope."

"You don't have the right to be his brother." Gon's face is hard and angry- not a look often seen on a young boy's face by any means.

"Must I earn the right to be his brother?"

Gon's eyes narrow and she thinks _this is it. He's snapped._ He grabs Illumi by the wrist and pulls, lifting the man into the air like he weighs nothing. Having tried to manhandle Illumi before, she can safely say he definitely weighs quite a bit. Above her, Kurapika and Leorio make shocked noises and, even though her expression remains impassive, she has to agree. She'd had a feeling Gon is pretty strong, but she hadn't known just how strong. 

Illumi lands gracefully beside Gon.

"He doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" Gon's grip tightens on Illumi's arm. There's the slightest sound, almost like the cracking of a bone; Illumi's eyes widen almost imperceptibly and she stiffens. Gon just broke his arm. Gon broke Illumi's arm, seemingly without any effort. Across the aisle from her, Esu's eyes narrow in consideration. 

"Don't bother apologizing," Gon says coldly. "Just take me to see Killua." 

"What will you do, then?" 

"That should be obvious. I'm going to rescue him!" 

It's strangely symbolic, she thinks, that Gon is standing directly in the path of the overhead lights, making his eyes and whole body brighter than normal. 

"You make it sound as though I kidnapped him. He walked away on his own."

"But it wasn't by choice," he says. "He was being manipulated by you. It's the same thing as kidnapping him!"

Esu's smiling now. Everyone else, however, is differing amounts of distraught or concerned. Gon's choice of words is quite strange- almost like he knows Nen. To use the word 'manipulate'... she wonders, does he actually know what Illumi was doing? Or, indeed, was Illumi actually using Manipulation Nen to order Killua away, or was it just fear? 

The chairman steps forward. "We happened to be discussing this very subject, Gon. Kurapika and Leorio have both lodged complaints. The committee has been discussing the fairness of Killua's disqualification."  _But if they hadn't disqualified him,_ she thinks,  _who'd they kick out, then? Netero said at the beginning that one person wouldn't become a Hunter, and I doubt he's going back on that now._ The only reason they're saying this is to goad Gon. Even though, she has no idea what really happened to Killua during her fight with Leorio, that he'd out of the blue decide to attack Pokkle- who he'd specifically said he didn't want to fight- with the intent to kill is...strange. 

Kurapika stands up. "Killua had been behaving in a very strange manner during and since Leorio and Silent's battle!" Since he'd been the closest to Killua, she reckons he probably knows what he's talking about. "I believe that he was hypnotized into attempting murder." 

 _Could that be one of Illumi's abilities?_ She wonders.  _It'd definitely go along with his personality, but is that even possible? If he's capable of hypnotizing people just by, like, looking at them or something, he must have countless restrictions._

"Under normal circumstances," Kurapika is saying, "it would be impossible to use hypnosis to induce a person to kill- it's clear from his angle and the damage he caused Silent, who tackled him, that he was intending to kill Pokkle. However, as Killua was raised in a family of assassins, murder was a part of his daily life, so it's natural that he would lack the ethical restraint of most!" 

She doesn't consider for a second that Illumi is  _that_ kind of hypnotist. However, Kurapika is unknowingly bringing up a good point with his idea of hypnosis. Manipulation Nen could, in theory, be used for such a thing as manipulating people's minds- the question is, how? And the second is, was that what he did to Killua or not?

"I believe that Killua was not in control of his actions. Thus, he should not have been disqualified!"

Netero turns around. "That is mere speculation. There is no proof- there were no clear signs of manipulation. In fact, I would question the claim that he was hypnotized. In terms of raw strength, Leorio is far stronger than Pokkle, and should not have needed any help. Leorio's earlier claim that Killua was trying to help him is not supported by any evidence."

Her face heats in anger. The bastard- as chairman of the Hunter's Association, he should be extremely proficient in Nen; his aura seems pretty pathetic right now, but she doubts an organization as big as that one would elect a weakling to office. She's fairly certain he suspects that Illumi did  _something_ to Killua- he's just not saying anything. 

"I object," she says calmly, remaining seated. "Although only two other applicants would know this, there are certain...ways you can see if people have been  _Manipulated,"_ she puts emphasis on the word, "but more than that...what makes you think Illumi's object was to make Killua kill Pokkle?" 

Dead silence. She thinks she sees the smallest smile on the chairman's face. "It's obvious they have a long history- I mean, they're family members. What if Illumi wasn't using  _Manipulation,"_ she again stresses the word, staring hard into the chairman's eyes, "to make Killua kill Pokkle, but to make him return to his old ways, or to stress something critical to Illumi? It'd explain why Killua left after that with no communication between the brothers. After all, don't you think it odd that Killua said nothing to Illumi and vice versa, when he left?"

"All that may be true, but that provides no solid evidence. The committee runs based on hard facts, and no one here has been able to provide anything about Illumi hypnotizing or otherwise manipulating Killua. Therefore, the case is adjourned." 

She clenches her fist, working hard to control her Ren from scaring Kurapika and Leorio again. If she weren't pretty much certain the chairman's a whole lot more intimidating than he appears, she would've punched him in the face then and there. 

"Hey, can we get this lecture over with already so I can leave?" Hanzo asks, standing up and stretching.

Leorio stands up too, looking like he's about to walk over there and deck him. "Why, you-"

"None of that matters!" Gon yells. The room silences. "It's pointless to argue over whether someone should've passed. If you aren't happy about passing, keep working until you're satisfied. If Killua retakes the Hunter Exam, he'll definitely pass! It's unfortunate that he failed this time, but it is what it is." His grip tightens around Illumi's forearm again, but this time the man doesn't flinch. 

"What does matter, though..." Gon stares up at Illumi, something almost approximating murder in his gaze. "If you've been forcing Killua to kill, against his will, all this time, I will make you pay!" 

Illumi doesn't look remotely worried at Gon's threat. "Make me pay? What, exactly, will you do?"

"I won't do anything except this one thing. Once I rescue Killua, I'll never let you see him again!"

Illumi considers. He raises one hand, slowly lowering it towards Gon's head...

Gon leaps, landing lightly several feet away. 

After a pregnant silence, the chairman clears his throat. "Is everyone finished? Gon is correct. You must decide for yourselves if you were worthy of passing. You may complain about the results all you like, but we will not be changing our minds. Killua has been disqualified, and the rest of you have passed." 

Beans and Netero exchange a glance. Beans nods and walks up to the front of the platform. "Okay, then I shall continue the orientation." 


	14. Saving Killua

After the orientation finishes, she follows Gon and co outside. Gon's a boy on a mission and, to be honest, she's rather curious exactly what he's thinking. Knowing him, he's probably gonna try and provoke Esu or Illumi into something and if so, she needs to at least try to stop it. 

"Gittarackur!" Gon shouts, running after the aforementioned Illumi. She groans inwardly. Just like she'd thought. He has a penchant for diving straight into danger headfirst without a thought of the consequences. "Tell me where Killua is." 

"Are you really going to take him away?" Illumi asks, sounding bored. "I think that's a bad idea."

Gon glares at him. "I don't care what you think! Killua is my friend. I'm taking him with me."

The black-haired man looks at him, considers. Then he looks past Gon and locks eyes with her, Kurapika, and Leorio. "Do they feel the same way?" 

She tries not to feel violated by his cold stare, even as Leorio and Kurapika affirm their commitment to get Killua back. Then Gon looks at her, a little concerned that maybe she'll say no. She hesitates for an instant, thinking. At this point, using the whole 'we're not friends' thing is both kind of old and also pretty much a lie. She can't deny that she definitely wants to protect Gon- he's the little brother she's always wanted, and she doesn't want him and his reckless ways getting himself killed. And, speaking in a more analytical way, once the four of them learn Nen, they could end up being very useful- maybe even Leorio, if she gives him a few years. 

Besides, how hard is it really going to be to rescue Killua? It's hardly like they're gonna have him locked up in quarantine and chained to a ceiling or something. Surely even the Zoldycks have  _some_ form of humanity. 

"You can count me in, Gon," she tells him. Illumi's eyes are coldly amused and she can see the words on the tip of his tongue-  _why don't you tell them where my house is? You've been there before, haven't you?_ But she knows he'll never say them. If he did, he'd reveal that they have a past, and Illumi doesn't reveal information unless it'd benefit him in some way. 

"Fine. I doubt you'll be able to make it there, anyway." His eyes linger on her mockingly and her own flick away, not willing or able to meet his gaze. "Killua went home." 

"Home?" 

"Kukuroo Mountain. Our family lives at the very top."

"Got it. Thanks." 

The three boys turn around and start away, but sensing another presence, she ducks behind a pillar to listen. Heartbeat quickening, she realizes it's Esu that just approached.  _Was he listening this whole time?_

"Is it really okay for an assassin to give away his base of operations?"

"Sure," Illumi says calmly, "It isn't a secret or anything. The locals all know where we live. And besides, I'm sure they'll see the truth once they arrive. We live in completely different worlds. It just isn't possible fo-"

Esu makes a surprised sound, cutting Illumi off. She wishes she could see the cause of the interruption, but her Zetsu will only conceal her presence, not make her invisible- to be honest, she's surprised one of them didn't notice the sudden removal of her presence. Yes, she was leaving, but Zetsu is an immediate, complete erasure, not a gradual one. 

"Oh, this?" There's the slight rustling of fabric and she gathers they're talking about Illumi's arm. "Yep, it's broken. He has incredible potential. I can understand why you want to see him grow up." There's a short silence, then Illumi makes a confused hm. "That's odd. Wasn't Si with them just a moment ago?" 

_Shit._

"She probably left to go see Hanzo. They seem quite fond of each other." 

Illumi gives a joyless laugh. It makes her skin crawl. "Is that jealousy I detect?" 

_Jealousy? Wha- ew, no. Please, no, that's so gross._

"Mm, hardly. I simply like to keep close tabs on my prey, and that includes her." 

_I'm not sure if that's more creepy or less creepy._

"Didn't I tell you, Illumi? Si and Gon are mine." His tone is so cold it sends chills through her spine. "Touch either of them, and you will suffer the consequences."

In contrast to Esu's chill, Illumi seems calm, almost carefree. "I know. We've been over this before. I've only known you for a short while, but I know your tastes. Although I still question your thinking that you can protect two of them at the same time." 

"You could argue Killua is twice as hard to protect as one of them, so there's no difference between us."

Illumi makes a sound a lot like a huff. "So, what are you going to do now, then?"

"Wait patiently." 

Illumi's footsteps begin to fade away, but Esu says nothing more, doesn't even move. She's stuck there until he does something, so she can only stand there, barely daring even to breathe. 

"I know you're there." 

Her heart stops. 

"Your Zetsu is good, but you have no subtlety. I'm honestly surprised Illumi didn't notice it as well." A pause. "Well, you can come out now, Si." 

Scared- she was just caught listening in on an obviously private conversation, how much worse can it get- she slowly steps out. When she looks down, her hands are trembling. Definitely not the badass vibe she intended to give off, but now that she's started, she can't stop. 

"Are you shaking?" Esu sounds more curious and amused than angry. She takes that as a good sign, but as unpredictable as he is, nothing's for certain. Just for good measure, her head starts hurting again, giving her a nice sharp spasm. She only barely manages to keep silent and expressionless. "Are you really that scared of me?" 

"I'm not  _that_ scared-"  _girl, you're really not helping yourself here-_ "I'm just..." There's a beat of silence. She has no idea how to finish her sentence. 

Esu makes a hand motion. "You're just...?" 

"...I was gonna say something, I swear," she says defensively. "It slipped my mind." 

Surprisingly, Esu starts laughing. His eyes gleam with a fondness that makes her head hurt- this time enough that she can't keep back the wince, so she turns away instead, hoping he doesn't see through it. 

"So..." she says experimentally. She doesn't want to remind Esu, but the suspense is kinda getting on her nerves. "You're gonna, like, punish me for listening in on your convo with the bro, right?" 

"Convo with the...bro...?" 

"Forget that. Are you gonna punish me or not? I have places to be, don't keep me waiting." 

Esu gives her a lecherous grin that makes her regret her word choice. "Oh, I wasn't planning on it, but if you want I'm certainly down for _punishing_ you..." 

If asked later, she will fervently deny that she blushed. She did  _not_ blush because a freaking psychopath made an innuendo. She just...might've turned slightly darker that she otherwise would've been. "I already told you, I'm not into that BDSM stuff." 

"Oh, but don't you know? BDSM is actually three separate categories, so you don't necessarily have to like all three-" 

She can't believe this. She and the guy who broke her hand and has straight up told her he wants to murder her, are having a conversation about sex. Not just that, about  _kinky_ sex. "S-Shut up! I'm not a masochist, or a- a sub, or anything like that."

"Ah, so you're a dom, then? Interesting. I never really saw you as-"

"Can we please stop talking about this?" she half-yells, face hotter than a furnace. "This is by far the most awkward conversation I've ever had in my life, and you are  _not_ helping!" She hesitates. Her head gives a jolt of pain. "Hang on, did you say 'never really saw'?" 

Esu blinks. "Well, we have known each other for more than a week. I think using past tense is quite acceptable, don't you think?" 

She gives him a skeptical look. "Okay then. Well, um, not that this hasn't been great or anything, but I think I'll be off now. I'm sure the others are waiting for me, so goodbye!"  _And good riddance, hopefully._

He doesn't even seem vaguely perturbed or concerned, merely lifting a hand lazily. "Goodbye to you, too. I'll see you soon. Don't forget- you still owe me." 

"Like I could forget," she mutters, walking away from him. 

 

* * *

 

When she rejoins the others, they're sitting aimlessly on a bench outside. 

"Hey Si, what happened? You just vanished all of a sudden." 

She looks down and makes a face, trying to ignore the strange churning in her stomach. "Let's just say I had a really  _superb_ meeting with our favorite psychopath." 

"Esu?" Kurapika asks. "What'd he have to say to you?" 

She opens her mouth to respond but is interrupted by Hanzo's arrival. "Yo!" 

"Hanzo-san!" Gon cries, waving at him as though the ninja hadn't just broken his arm the day before. 

"Hey, Si." 

She smiles at him a little. "Hey, Hanzo. Going back to Jappon already?" 

"Sadly, yes. It was a short, seemingly long, acquaintance, but I had fun meeting you all."  

"So did I," Gon replies. 

"If you ever visit my country, let me know," Hanzo continues. "I'll show you the best tourist spots!" He hands out cards to the three males and waves. "Oh, and Si, keep in touch, yeah? Don't forget our deal." 

"You don't forget it, either. I'm depending on your lazy ass to score me a decent teacher, alright?" 

"You bet." He starts to pass her and pauses. "Well, until next time. See you!" 

"See you, Hanzo." 

"What was that about?" Leorio asks the moment the ninja's out of earshot. "Something about a deal?" 

She tries to reply, but is once again cut off. "Look!" Kurapika says. "He's- he's a shinobi?" 

She stiffens, confused. "You mean you guys didn't know?" 

"You say that like it's obvious..." Kurapika mutters. 

"Shinobi come pretty much exclusively from Jappon, Hanzo's home country. He said he's been training extensively since birth and killed his first man at age 12. You do realize what a shinobi is, right? Plus, he's wearing the clothing of a ninja." 

"Still, all you had to go on were guesses and that's what you came up with?" Kurapika asks, eyes wide. "That's impressive." 

She looks down awkwardly, not sure what to say.

"Hey." 

As one, all four of them look up. It's Pokkle. 

"Any one of you figured out what you wanna do next?"

"Good question," Kurapika says, smiling faintly. 

"I want to travel the world, gathering information and discovering new species, as an Exotic Game Hunter." 

"An Exotic Game Hunter..."

Gon points at something Pokkle's holding. "Hey, what's that?" 

"Oh, this?" He looks down at something resembling a laptop. "You can use this to obtain all kinds of information. Is there anything you'd like to know? I can look it up on the spot." 

Gon's eyes light up. "Can you look up a Hunter named Ging? Ging Freecs." 

Ging? What a strange name. Is that his father's name? 

"Sure, hold on..." As Pokkle sets it down and starts typing, she senses a new, fairly powerful aura approaching. Her head snaps up, but when she sees it's Satotz, she only mildly relaxes. Just because he was their examiner doesn't mean he won't try to screw them over now that they're peers.

"Hey, who  _is_ this Ging guy? All information related to him is behind a tight security system that requires a bunch of different accesses. He has some serious influence, even national level." 

Her eyes widen. Damn, Gon's dad is one hell of a big fish. Beside her, Leorio leans down and whispers something approximating the same thing. 

Gon laughs nervously. "Oh, really? Well, forget it then." 

"Okay, let me know if anything comes up." He hands Gon a scrap of paper and starts away. "That's my email address. Bye!" 

"Bye!" 

No sooner has he left then Leorio groans. "We should have asked him to look up Kukuroo Mountain..." 

"Oh, that's right..." 

She winces. "Why didn't I think of that?" 

"It's okay," Kurapika cuts in. "As Chairman Netero was saying, we're all Hunters now. It's a bad idea to let other Hunters know what you're doing. We can look it up ourselves."  _Okay, that's a solid point. Why didn't I think of_ that? 

The aura she sensed earlier comes closer. She looks over at Satotz just in time for him to say, "Gon-kun." 

"Satotz-san!" Gon runs up to meet him. 

"Gon-kun, you forgot this." He holds out a folder containing Gon's Hunter License. She glares at the kid's back- how could he be so forgetful? Kid was about to lose his license the first day of getting it! "Also, do you have a moment?" 

Kurapika and Leorio turn around. "We'll be waiting in the lobby." 

She narrows her eyes. "If you touch him, I'll make sure you regret it." Satotz doesn't even flinch, simply nodding, and she turns around and follows after them. 

"So, Si," Kurapika says, "if you thought I was going to forget about what you said earlier, you're mistaken. You said something about a conversation with Esu? What happened?" 

Her brain gives a tug of resistance, not wanting to reveal anything. She's so used to secrets that now that she's in a place where it's safe to tell them, she no longer wants to. But, as it is, she's walking on thin ice with these two. Even though she doesn't like the idea of having to prove herself to two boys younger than she, she acknowledges that it's probably necessary. "After Gon's little talk with Illumi, I sensed someone else approaching so I hid behind a pillar. Turns out, it was Esu. I ended up listening to their entire exchange. Turns out, though, Esu was aware of my presence the entire time." 

"What happened?" 

She shrugs. "Illumi apparently didn't sense me and, surprisingly, Esu didn't say anything about it until he- Illumi, that is- had walked away. Then he told me to come out." She grimaces. "It was really awkward, I'll just say that much. But he didn't try to kill me, so that's a plus, I guess?" 

Kurapika nods. "You're lucky. If it had been one of us, we'd probably be dead. He likes you for some reason." 

Unbidden, her mind skips back to Illumi and Esu's conversation.  _Didn't I tell you, Illumi? Si and Gon are mine._ She shivers, rubbing her arms despite the warm temperature of outside. "So what are you guys planning to do after we retrieve Killua?" 

"I wanna become a doctor," Leorio says. "If I have to, sell my Hunter License to pay for med school. Student loans are awful." 

"I want to avenge my people," Kurapika says. "They were murdered by the A-Class Bounty organization known as the Phantom Troupe." 

"Oh, I've heard of them," she says. "Apparently, many of the members came from a place called Meteor City." 

"Meteor City?" Leorio questions. "Where's that?" 

"It's a place that's not supposed to exist. It's basically recognized as a trash heap, even though authorities all over the world know people actually live there. If you're born in Meteor City, you don't technically exist. That's probably why the Phantom Troupe has survived as long as it has; most of the members don't exist in any records that can be found."

Kurapika nods, taking the information in. "I didn't know that. Thank you, Si." 

"I do have to warn you, though," she says, tone grave. "If you go up against them like you are now, there's no way you'll survive. They will kill you in an instant. They could kill  _me_ in a few seconds. Every member will be about as strong as Esu and Illumi, if not stronger."

"I don't care," Kurapika says. "As long as I get my reveng-"

"Even if it's at the cost of yourself? Look, my own reasons for living aren't all that great, but at least I'm not living for revenge like you are. If you die because of it, what's honestly the point? Even if you succeed..." she trails off. "You know what, forget it." 

"Si..." Leorio says softly. 

"Even though what you say is true, I don't care." Kurapika's eyes are flickering strangely, not quite brown but not quite red, either. "I will avenge my clan and get back their eyes if it's the last thing I do!"

It's a noble sentiment, but... "Their eyes? Why would someone take a bunch of eyeballs?" 

"Kurta eyes are thought to be some of the most beautiful things in the world," Kurapika says. His eyes have softened from rage into pain. "When experiencing extreme emotion, whether anger, fear, or sometimes even love, they turn from brown to red. The Phantom Troupe murdered my entire clan and gouged out their eyes because they wanted to sell them and make a fortune off of them. I am the only one left." 

Well, if people were ranked by their sob stories, Kurapika's would definitely be pretty high up there. Trying to think of a way to respond- how do you even respond to something like that, anyway- she just stares at him. Before she can even begin to form a sentence, the blond smiles sadly. "It's alright, Si. You don't need to try and think up something to say. I don't want pity, anyway." 

Leorio looks just as stunned as she. Apparently, not even he had learned the full story. "Hey, um, do you guys wanna go into the lobby and wait for Gon?" he asks. 

Both Kurapika and her's relief over being interrupted is palpable. "Yeah, sure." 

 

* * *

 

Not even two hours later, they're on a plane to the Republic of Padokea. All four of them sit together, occupying a full row. She got stuck with the middle while Gon snagged the window seat (Leorio insisted he have it since the boy had never been on a plane before), and Kurapika, the lucky duck, got the outside. She's squashed between Leorio and Gon and disliking every second of it; she prefers to have distinct physical boundaries, and Leorio's sheer size makes that impossible.

Several hours pass with minimal talk, which suits her just fine, but it's finally broken by...

"Hey, Si." Her head snaps over to Leorio. "I was wondering...what happened to your injuries? Wasn't your hand broken?"

 _It's about time one of them noticed,_ she thinks. Gon and Kurapika are both looking at her as well, obviously just as curious as Leorio. "It's...a long story, and one that won't make any sense to you right now. But, when the time is right, I'll tell you all."

Gon makes a face. "But Si, that's no fair! You can't just keep secrets from us all the time!"

"You'll find out soon enough, don't worry." She looks over at the other two boys. "That goes for you two as well. I'm not saying anything about it until you get stronger." Hopefully at least Kurapika will get the hint. Even though he couldn't possibly know about Nen yet, surely he'll start looking for ways to get stronger until he finds it out.

"Alright, since you won't answer that..." Kurapika's smiling. She has a bad feeling about this. "...what was your deal with Hanzo you were talking about?"

She looks at him primly. "Sorry, can't tell you that, either."

"Oh, come on!" Leorio says. His voice is loud enough that a flight attendant hastily comes over and tells him to quiet down. Kurapika quickly offers his apologies and a sweet smile, which thankfully calms her down.

Not wanting them to continue interrogating her, she looks over at Gon and asks, "so, Ging Freecs, huh?"

"Yeah. Mito-san told me his name. I've never met him myself."

"You've never met your dad?" She exchanges a horrified glance with Leorio. What the hell kind of role model had he grown up with? Is his absentee father the only one? "And who's Mito-san?"

"Oh, she's my aunt. She's the one who raised me."

 _He didn't have a mom, either? This poor kid..._ "Why do you want to find your dad so badly if he..." she hesitates, trying to think of a way to say it other than  _if he abandoned you._ "If you've never seen him?" 

"He wanted to become a Hunter so badly that he left me behind for his career." Despite the content of his sentence, Gon's eyes aren't remotely sad. "So I wanna become the best Hunter ever to see why he would've left me for this, and then I wanna find him and ask him myself!"

"We will be landing shortly," a voice calls over the speakers. A ding accompanies her words, the seatbelt sign flashing. "Please return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts. In the event of an emergency, follow safety protocol at all times."

"Aw, great!" Gon somehow contains his boundless enthusiasm enough to limit his volume, but it's still loud enough she hears a passenger in front of them grumble something under their breath. "We're gonna see Killua soon!"

"That we are, Gon!" Leorio says, even quieter. "We'll have him back in no time at all!"

Even as they say that, however, she can't prevent the dark sense of foreboding she has at going back to the Zoldyck's mansion once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...you know when I said I'd be having updates out fairly frequently? I've pretty much lost my inspiration so although I'll still try to finish this fanfic, I have no idea when I'll be updating next.


	15. Fledgling

It's been two years since she was last at Kukuroo Mountain. 

It hasn't been nearly long enough. 

Unfortunately, nothing really seems to have changed. Zebro still guards the gate, Mike still howls behind the walls, and she is just as unable to push open the Testing Gate as ever. Astoundingly enough, Leorio actually manages to push open the eight-ton gate by himself (and basically passes out afterwards, but hey, A+ for effort). She has a feeling Gon might be able to do the same by himself, but with a broken arm, no one even allows him to try. 

They win over the sympathy of Zebro (she mouthing  _don't say anything_ when recognition lights his eyes) rather easily, just as she'd done two years before. He offers to train them, and about three weeks later, they're finally strong enough. By this point, Gon's arm is fully healed- much to the chagrin of Leorio and Kurapika- and together, their combined strength manages to get the sixteen-ton door open. 

Zebro accompanies them through the door. Mike is much, much bigger than she remembers. She almost says that out loud but hastily catches herself, praying the dog won't remember her. As it is, he doesn't seem to care one way or another about her, simply giving them all a sniff before walking away and letting them continue on unmolested. 

"Well, now that Mike's let you through I need to go back," Zebro says. "The butler's headquarters isn't far away. I'll warn you one last time, though: turn back now, while you can. Even a butler could kill you in an instant." His eyes linger on hers for a fraction of a second, as if to say  _even you wouldn't stand a chance._

"I'm going to see Killua," Gon says stolidly. 

Zebro sighs. "Very well." 

The four of them set out and Zebro turns back. In the distance, she hears Mike's heavy footsteps, but he doesn't come up to bother them. They continue on that way until they come up to a gate with a young girl standing in front of it.  _Her Nen is pretty weak, but I shouldn't underestimate her. A Zoldyck servant won't be easy to beat._

"Leave. You're trespassing on private property. I cannot allow you to pass without permission."

"We called ahead," Gon tries, "and we came through the Testing Gate!"

The girl doesn't move. "The butlers did not give you permission to enter."

"What do we need to do to get permission? I said I was Killua's friend, but they wouldn't put him on."

Si sighs. Knowing the Zoldycks, she doubts that there's anything they could do to obtain a pass. The butler made it clear: they're not welcome here. 

"I wouldn't know, because no one's ever received permission."  _Nailed it._

Gon's eye twitches. "Then we'll have to trespass!"

"I suppose so." The girl looks down. "In any case, this is where I draw the line." Her rod shoots out, hitting the ground, and she etches a line into the dirt in front of her. "If you take one step beyond this line, I'll remove you by force." She hesitates, looking at the four of them. Her eyes lock onto Si. "Have I seen you before?" 

Si's eyes widen minutely. All of a sudden, she remembers seeing a tiny, ten-year-old girl with brown skin coming after Alluka along with two other women. "No, I don't believe you have. I'd certainly remember if I happened to push open a four-ton door." 

"Hm. Well, turn back now, or you'll regret it." 

Si steps forward. She might not be as well-trained in martial arts as a Zoldyck servant is, but there's no way in hell she's not going to at least put up a fight with a thirteen-year-old girl. Gon tugs on her sleeve, pulling her back. "Don't interfere." His gaze shoots past her and lands on Leorio and Kurapika, before sliding back to meet hers. "Let me handle this." 

Although she doesn't like it, she has to admit that once Gon's set his mind on something, generally the only two things left are either letting him do it or knocking him out cold, Hanzo style. So she steps back and watches as he starts forward towards the girl. The moment his foot crosses the line, she lashes out with her rod. 

Gon lands twenty feet away in a heap. 

Anger roils through Si's veins but she says nothing. If she allows her natural protectiveness to gain control, she won't be able to evaluate the girl's fighting ability properly, which will be a severe impairment once the girl finally knocks Gon out. Although, knowing Gon, it'll probably take her an hour or so before he's finally out for good. 

The boy wipes at his face. His hand comes away bloody. "We don't intend to fight you. We just want to see Killua." Is it just her, or do the girl's eyes show a flicker of sadness for a second?

"It doesn't matter what your motives are. I'm simply following my orders." Gon steps forward; again, he flies backwards. "You can try all you want." She hits Gon again. "I'll never let you pass."

"I will pass! I'm going to see Killua!"

In the girl's once-blank stare, Si sees something change. But it doesn't change her actions. Time after time, Gon approaches; time after time, he's thrown backwards. 

"How long is this going to go on?" Kurapika asks softly after hours of this. "The sun's setting now. He's been at it for hours, and she doesn't seem tired at all." 

Si crosses her arms. "I can see that she doesn't want to keep hitting him. Maybe Gon sees that, too. But regardless, she's not going to stop unless Gon says or does something drastic. And she won't get tired until long after Gon's in too much pain to go on."

Gon picks himself up and sways, almost falling. His left eye is swollen shut; his face is covered in bruises. It hurts to watch. By this point, she's at least somewhat got to know the servant's fighting style and feels confident she could take the girl on, although she'd have to mostly rely on Nen to get her through battle. The girl's martial arts skills are pretty amazing- Hanzo would love a duel with her.

Then, she sees something change. As she looks at the servant, the dark-skinned girl dips her head ever so slightly. From the shadows surrounding her face, something glistens as it slides down her cheek- a tear. Gon got through to her, after all. 

"Stop it," the girl says as Gon walks forward yet again. "Stay away!" Her hands tremble as she grips her staff. Gon skids backwards from her blow, but lands on his feet. "Cut it out! Don't you realize how futile this is!?" Her angry gaze catches on the three of them. "Why don't you stop him? Aren't you his friends?"

Si bows her head, partially out of deference for Gon and partially because she doesn't want to take a chance that the girl will recognize her. 

"What's the problem?" Gon asks. His voice is hoarse and cracks from all the blows he's taken. "I'm just here to see my friend. I'm just here to see Killua! Why do I have to do this!?" 

Stone showers onto the dirt path. Si allows herself a deep breath and hopes to God the stupid boy didn't just shatter his hand. Through the haze in her head, she vaguely recognizes a new aura coming towards them. 

Birds take off into flight with cawing screams. The stone pillar Gon punched implodes and crumbles. "Hey." 

"W-what?" 

"I crossed the line. Aren't you supposed to hit me?" She's shaking as she grips her rod, and this time everyone can see it. "You're different from Mike," Gon continues. "You may try to hide your feelings, but you have a heart. When I mentioned Killua, your eyes softened."

Finally, the girl breaks down. The tears that Si had seen earlier are finally visible to everyone as they drop down onto her staff. "Please," she says softly, desperately, "help Killua-sama-"

Time freezes and shatters. Si stares, wide-eyed more in shock than horror, as the servant girl slowly falls to the ground, as two people step into the clearing.  _That's strange. I only sensed one, but shouldn't either both or neither of them have been in Zetsu? Has one of them been here the whole time?_

"She made it sound like we're being mean to Killua." A woman she's never seen before speaks, holding a blazing fan. Out of all the odd things that she's seen, this woman is probably one of the strangest. The woman wears a visor over her eyes and bandages wrapped around her face, a huge dress and bonnet covering the rest of her frame. "A worthless apprentice had the nerve to insult us!" 

The others rush towards the servant girl, but Si stays back, as far away from the two new figures as she can get. Next to the woman there's a- girl? Boy? She assumes the child's a Zoldyck, but has no idea what the kid's gender is. 

"You must be Gon. I heard about you from Illumi. Killua knows that you're here."  _Liar. I doubt he's heard a word of that._ "I have a message for you from Kil: 'thank you for coming. I really appreciate it, but I can't see you right now. Sorry.'" 

Si moves a little closer, keeping one eye on each group. "Who are you?" 

"Forgive me for not introducing myself; I am Killua's mother. This is Kalluto." Okay, well, the kid's name  _kind of_ sounds like a he...she guesses she'll just call Kalluto a boy until proven otherwise. 

"Why can't Killua come see us?"

"Because he's in solitary confinement." 

Si's eyes narrow. 

"Kil stabbed me and his brother before he ran away from home."

"That is the story he told us," Kurapika says. 

"Kil returned because he regretted his actions. He voluntarily entered solitary confinement, so we do not know when he will leave." the red eye on her visor flickers, and with it, her entire countenance changes. "No! Father, what are you doing!? Don't do anything hasty! He's finally returned!" The distress on her face increases with every word. "Oh, why must Father be this way?" She pauses and regains her composure after a few seconds. "Something has come up, so I bid you farewell."

"Please wait!" Gon says. Si clenches her jaw a little. _You don't just talk back to a Zoldyck- especially not an adult Zoldyck with a visor that apparently allows her to communicate with other members of the family and a fan that shoots bullets!_  "We'll be staying in town for a while. Please let Killua know."  _You also don't use the word 'please' when talking to one. I seriously doubt any of them even understand the nicety, Gon._

"Very well. I shall tell him. Goodbye." Si is about as believing of Madame Zoldyck's truthfulness as she is that Illumi _isn't_ going to try and rape her the very next chance he gets. 

Madame Zoldyck strides away, but Kalluto, unlike his mother, stays put. "Who are you?" 

"Killua's friends."

"Friends..." Kalluto mutters, like he's never heard the word. 

"Kalluto-chan! What are you doing? Come over here!" 

"Yes, Mother!" the boy takes off running, leaving the four of them standing over the fallen servant. 

After a few seconds, Leorio says, "I probably shouldn't say this, but these people creep me out...and I bet they were lying about Killua saying he couldn't see us." 

"You think so, too?" She asks. "I got that same impression. And, Gon...when you said 'in town', did you happen to mean 'in the Zoldyck estate' by any chance?" 

"We should tail them," Leorio suggests after Gon gives them a grin and a nod. 

"But what about her?" Gon asks, motioning down at the unconscious girl. 

"I will take you to the butler's office." As if on cue, said servant's eyes snap open, startling all of them. "There is a phone that connects to the mansion. If Zeno-sama is the one who answers..." 

 _Zeno?_ She clenches her, suddenly sweaty, hands. Zeno Zoldyck is renowned for being one of the top Nen users alive, as well as one of the, if not the most, deadliest assassins alive.  _Why would she imply that Zeno answering the phone is a good thing?_

"Zeno-sama?" 

"Killua-sama's grandfather." 

"Why does that matter?" Si asks, offering a hand for the girl to get up. She takes it, heaving herself to her feet.

"Zeno-sama can be reasoned with. Kikyo-sama, Killua's mother, cannot be."

"What about Killua's dad?" Leorio questions. 

"Silva-sama rarely, if ever, answers the phone. He prefers to spend his days in solitude or on a job. Anyway," she starts walking, "let's go. We should be at the butler's headquarters in a few hours." 

 _"A few hours!?"_ Leorio shrieks. 

 

* * *

 

_She can't ever remember a time when she was more pissed than she is now. "Hisoka, I'm seriously going to kill you."_

_"Mm." The brown-haired bastard doesn't look in the least bit concerned. "I do apologize, but I don't think you're capable of that."_

_"Watch me," she growls, and pokes a finger at him. "How many times did I tell you to act like my_  friend,  _not like you want to have sex with me or marry me or some other weird shit? How many times!?"_

_"Probably at least twelve." If anything, the smug idiot seems to be enjoying himself- leaning against the wall of her bedroom, arms crossed over his chest, a smug smile on his stupidly handsome face._

_"Fourteen,_  at least,  _and why the hell didn't you listen to any of them? We had a deal, if you don't remember." She glares at him, wishing she knew some way to unhinge him, to make him look at least slightly uncomfortable. "Since you didn't fulfill your end, I owe you nothing."_

_Hisoka's eyes narrow, cat-like. "I do believe you're wrong. Your object was to make your parents think you had a friend, I'll give you that, but I fulfilled everything else. Even your dad likes me after I called him 'san' for the thousandth time. Your mom's basically in love with me-"_

_"-I think she likes you more than me," she mutters, glaring out her window._

_"-and from what I gathered by your and your mother's facial expressions, that was the happiest she's been in a very long time, if ever. So perhaps I didn't go about the deal the way you would've preferred, but you can't argue that I didn't get results."  
_

_All of that's true, but... "I said I wanted a friend, Hisoka. That was the first thing I wanted, and you violated that. Now my mom thinks we should get married and, like, have ten kids or something." She runs a hand through her hair, anger fading a little. "Trying to impress my parents is all well and good, but what about obeying the deal and thinking about my feelings?"_

_"The deal wasn't about your feelings, Y/N," Hisoka says calmly. She fights a wince at his cold bluntness. "The deal was about making your mother happy, and I've done that. Now, you owe me, and there's nothing you can do about it."_

_Heat rises to her face- rage or embarrassment, she doesn't know. She looks away, fights off angry tears. There's no way in hell she's letting him know how much she cared about this._

_In reality, it's not that big of a deal. So what, some random guy she doesn't even know all that well decided to act like he has a huge crush on her in front of her mom. After she fulfills her end of the bargain, she probably won't ever see him again._

_But...but something's making this harder._ _God knows the boy has his flaws, but, as bad as his jokes sometimes are, he still has a good sense of humor. He's also scarily intelligent, something she found out the hard way. She has a feeling there's more to him that he never shows- more to the glimpse of uncertainty and bewilderment she saw when she bought him a birthday present, more to the boy she'd seen blush once when she told him his eyes look really nice when he smiles._

_She pushes away her thoughts and looks back at Hisoka, defeated. "Fine. Tell me when you figure out what you want."_

_"Alright." He pushes himself off the wall and looks around her room, seemingly for the first time. "You weren't kidding about my room being cleaner," he comments._

_The extreme switch between conversation topics throws her off. It takes her a second to think up a response. "Shut up," she grumbles, voice harsher and less joking than usual. "You come into my house, insult my cleaning..."_

_Hisoka's smirk drops a little at her tone. Even though she's a little ashamed to say it, she's relieved at least_ something  _can get through to him. "Whatever. Our deal wasn't-"_

 _"You act like the only reason you're acting like an even slightly decent human being is because you're getting something out of it in the bargain," she cuts in, hands sliding up to her hips. "That's disgusting," she continues, and all the petty rejection and anger she's holding at his refusal to follow her requests and blatant, uncaring attitude towards her surfaces with a vengeance. "Are you even human? Do you even_ have  _feelings? Or are you just some bloody psychopath? Because that's what you're acting like, Hisoka!"_

_He flinches. "I..." for a moment, he seems completely lost for words. When she looks at him, she's suddenly reminded of how young he really is- not the twenty-year-old he acts like, but the seventeen year old high school kid. "You're right." He gives her a cold smile, but it's shaky around the edges. Regret gnaws at her heart, but she tells herself he deserved it. "I don't have feelings. I'm just a psychopath with no feelings, no..."_

_He turns around, heads out her door. "Whatever. I'll be seeing you around, then. Don't-"_

_"No way." She grabs his arm and tugs him back around. "Alright, I'm honestly kind of insulted that you thought I wouldn't notice the look on your face when I said you're a psychopath. Now, I'm not gonna apologize for that unless you give me a reason to, because honestly it kinda seems true- except," she pauses, "for just now. So you're gonna sit your ass down on my bed and tell me what the fuck that was."_

_Hisoka pulls free from her grasp easily. "Tempting, but I don't do sob stories."_

_She closes her eyes and sighs. Is she really going to do this? "Fine." She grabs onto his shirt this time, as hard as that is (seriously, can his shirts get any tighter without ripping in half?) and digs her heels in, refusing to let him walk away. "I'm ready to make another deal with you."_

_That stops him. "What could you possibly want? You've already made your mom-"_

_"This one isn't about my mom." She has a feeling she'll regret this in a few hours, but right now her heart is pounding so fast she can barely think straight through the adrenaline rush. "This one's about you. Another favor if you tell me what the hell happened just now."_

_His back muscles ripple as he stiffens- in shock, she's guessing, but she can't see his face so she doesn't know for sure. "What?"_

_"I owe you another favor," she repeats, slower this time, "if you tell me your sob story."_

_"What makes you think I'll accept your offer?"_

_Her heart falls a little but she remains adamant. "I'd say the fact that you're intentionally trying to make me lose my confidence instead of actually answering me says a great deal."_

_He turns around. Mild surprise fades into the same smirk he always wears. "The little swan's grown her wings, hasn't she?"_

_"Again with your weird comparisons? Seriously, dude, those need to stop." This time, her insult isn't nearly as harsh._

_Hisoka walks past her and sits down on the bed. He looks up at her, eyes considering, and says, "Fine. I accept your offer, on one condition."_

_"What is it?"_

"Two  _favors, not just one."_

_She had a bad feeling his favors are going to involve something like killing their principal, but she's already come this far. She isn't backing out now. "Fine."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda a short chapter, but if I wrote the next scene it would've taken it over 4k words, so I didn't really have much of a choice. And also, thought I'd tell y'all that since Esu won't be featured as much in the next few chapters, I'll be delving a lot more into the backstory of Hisoka and Reader, so you'll at least get something.


	16. A Series Of Surprisingly Fortunate Events

"So, Si-chan..." 

She spares a thought to Gon's chosen honorific, but nods. "Yes, Gon?" 

The five of them- Gon, her, Leorio, Kurapika, and the newly rescued Killua, are all sitting together on a train, Gon sprawled across Leorio and her, Killua and Kurapika on the other seat. 

"Now that we've gotten Killua back, what are you going to do?" 

She considers for a moment. What she really wants to do is find a competent Nen teacher and spend some time with Hanzo, who she admits she misses a little bit. Their friendship is an odd one, but one that she wishes she'd had more time to develop. But she's gotten herself well and truly roped up with Gon and his gang, and she has a feeling her work with them isn't done yet. They're her friends as well, and she has a want to protect Gon that's somewhere between sisterly and motherly. 

So she turns the question back on him. "What are  _you_ going to do, Gon?" 

He rummages inside his coat and pulls out a nameplate with the number 44. Her heart sinks. "Esu's number," Gon explains to the slightly confused faces. "I refuse to use my Hunter's license until I return it to him." 

She purses her lips. "How are you planning on doing that?" 

"Well...I'm gonna punch him in the face." 

She raises an eyebrow, but the flaw in the plan isn't lost on her. "Okay. Assuming you can even get strong enough to do that...where, exactly, are you planning on finding him?" 

Gon grins sheepishly. "Actually..." 

As she, Leorio, and Killua give him varied glares and exasperated looks, Kurapika sighs. "I know where he is, Gon." 

To say she's surprised is an understatement. "Really?" 

"How?" Leorio asks, and Kurapika closes his eyes. 

"He told me." 

"Is that what he said during your fight?" She asks, but Kurapika shakes his head.

"No, this was after the orientation."

"But it's still related, right?" Leorio presses.

"I suppose so."

"I've been itching to ask...what did Esu say to you?" 

At Leorio's words, Kurapika's gray eyes spark. "He mentioned the spider- the Phantom Troupe. I don't recall ever mentioning it to Esu, so either he overheard our conversation during the first stage, or he heard of it from another. The spider is their symbol, so those familiar with the organization refer to the Troupe as such."

"Meaning," she muses softly, "he's related to the Troupe in some way." 

"I was interested in his information. So I asked him about it after the orientation, and he said, "I will wait for you in Yorknew City on December 1st."

"December 1st!?" she exclaims. "That's over half a year from now!" 

"What happens then?" Gon questions.

Leorio snaps his fingers, opening his mouth, but she beats him to the punch. "They hold the world's largest auction."

Kurapika nods. "Correct. From December 1st to December 10th, they hold an auction for unusual items, rare goods, and national treasures around the world. The event attracts all manner of nasty folk who come looking to satisfy their greed. It's the biggest gathering of money in the world."

"So the Troupe will be there?" Leorio asks. 

"They're a group of bandits. They would not let this chance escape. So on that day, Esu will be somewhere in Yorknew City."

"December 1st..." Gon muses. "Okay, got it. So what are we going to do until then?" 

Kurapika shakes his head. "I'm afraid I won't be part of that we, Gon. I'll need money to participate in the auction, so I'll have to search for a patron to employ me as a Hunter."

"Oh." Gon sits up, so Si scoots over and lets him squeeze in between her and Leorio. "What about you?" He glances from her over to the older man. 

"I'm going home," Leorio says. "I still want to become a doctor, after all. If I'm accepted to medical school, I can use this to pay the ridiculous fee. I'll have to go back and start cramming."

Si makes a face. "That sounds anything but fun, but it's your life, not mine." 

Gon laughs. "And what about you, Si?" 

She lifts a shoulder. "I think I'll go solo as well." At Gon's despondent look, she smiles lightly. "I have a goal as well, and I need to get stronger. Right now, it'd be best if I went on by myself. What about you, Killua? And you, Gon?" 

The two exchange glances. "Uh...have some fun I gue-" 

"Stupid!" Killua yells, startling other passengers. "You think you can punch Esu in the face by having fun!? You won't be able to land a punch on him in  _ten years,_ let alone six months!" 

Privately, she has to agree. Gon and Killua have amazing potential, but without Nen, they're hopeless cases. Without Nen, they could indeed train for ten years and have just as little success as before. However...she has heard that, to be a fully qualified Hunter, you have to have Nen. Which means that someone from the Hunter's Association should be seeking them out. 

"Have you ever heard of Heavens Arena?" 

Killua stiffens immediately. Gon looks confused. "The Heavens Arena?" he repeats slowly. 

"Yes," she confirms. After all, there's no place they'll be better known than the place known as fighter's heaven worldwide. "It's a gladiator-style fighting tournament, arranged by floors. You'll be able to hone your skills-"  _learn Nen, if they find you in time,_ she adds silently- "and earn money, as well." 

"Shouldn't you come with us, then?" Gon questions. "If you want to get stronger, that is." 

She shakes her head. "I wanna travel around the world in search of great warriors and try to convince one of them to teach me." 

Killua scoffs. "Like one of them would ever want to teach  _you."_

Again, she shrugs. "You'd be surprised." The train pulls to a halt and she stands up, stretching. "Anyway, I guess this is where we part. Bye, Gon. Bye, Killua, Kurapika, Leorio." She waves at the three latter and hugs the former, grabs her bag, and walks away. "I'll see you all-"

"December 1st, Yorknew City!" They chorus. 

She allows herself a smile as she walks off the train. 

 

* * *

 

In retrospect, she could've avoided all of this if she hadn't gone into that bakery. 

It's now been four weeks since she left her exam friends behind. She'd spent that time on various computers (only using each once so it'd be harder for any enemies to track her movements), committing every country's politics, policies, and laws to memory. Seeing as it's not even April yet, she has nine months to tour the world and get stronger. And hopefully avoid Illumi and Esu as much as possible. 

After a long day spent in research, her eyes are feeling the strain of staring at a computer screen. With a muffled grunt, she heaves herself out of her chair and stretches, hearing a series of pops along her spine as she bends over. She hasn't been training as much as she should; research and her own laziness are what she's decided to blame. It's made her a little softer than she'd like, but she has a feeling that if she finds a good teacher, that will be readily remedied. 

Si's stomach growls. She pauses for a moment, thinking back to the last time she ate and realizing it was around seven in the morning. After a glance at her watch, she grimaces. It's five in the afternoon; she hasn't eaten for ten hours. Well, that's not gonna go on for much longer. Although she  _can_ go without food for a few days and still function, it's not exactly pleasant. And who in their right mind would even want to do that? Food is amazing!

She grabs her bag, checks to make sure the computer's logged out (she's using her Hunter ID to help out, and it wouldn't do if someone happened to get on the computer with her ID still computed in there), and starts out the door. There's a bakery a few blocks down that she's stopped out for the past four days. Seeing as she's only been in this town for five, that speaks pretty highly of the store's popularity and products.

It only takes her a few minutes to get to the store. She stands outside, hand on the handle to go in, when she hears a scream, coupled with threatening voices, coming from inside.

She groans. 

 _I just wanted to have a nice muffin,_ she laments to herself.  _Now I have to stop a stupid bakery robbery._ She quietly opens the door- and stares. 

What she'd thought was a robbery turns out to be anything but. There are four men against one. All five have Ren- but the lone one's Ren is weak and almost useless. 

"You've escaped us for the last time," one of the four men is saying. "I told you when you first joined us. We don't allow fugitives. Either you stay in, or you die." 

 _Poor guy,_ she can't help but think.  _All he wanted to do was bake bread, and now he's about to get murdered._ Despite the sarcasm, she really does feel bad for him. This whole ordeal reeks of blackmail, threats, and, honestly, bullying. Four on one? That's just downright wrong. She became a Hunter for a reason, and this happens to be just why. 

She sizes them all up, thanking God they haven't noticed her yet. All five men are beefy and strong, rather heavy on their feet and without the fluid grace of a trained fighter. At first glance, they seem just like street thugs, but street thugs wielding Nen isn't something she's ever heard of. Although 'wielding' Nen is rather too much of a compliment. She doubts they have any Hatsu, if their Ren is that weak. Hell, her own Ren is about as strong as any two of them combined! And she's never been known for the amounts of aura she produces. 

Even still, however, Si and the lone man are outnumbered. Knowing this, her best option is to surprise them. So she silently creeps forward, not bothering to go into Zetsu since she'll need her Ren soon anyway. Once she's within jumping distance of the four men, she unleashes her Ren and yells, 

"Flashpoint!" 

As one, five heads swivel towards her. But it's too late; she's already hit the lead thug in the face and groin and is darting around towards the next one by the time they can even blink. Once the second one's down on the ground as well, the other two wise up, going back to back and forcing their Ren to form a solid barrier around them. Deciding she'll wait a little until they tire out (as untrained as they seem, there's no way they'll be able to keep their Ren for more than a few minutes), she goes over to the two floored men and punches them again a couple times, knocking them out. At least she won't have any more trouble from them.

Once she's done with that, she turns around to the two remaining men and regards them thoughtfully. It's as she thought; their Ren is already flickering. Sensing that, they drop the Ren and leap towards her. She rolls her eyes and dodges them as easily as breathing. 

"Come on," she tells them, "at least put up a fight." 

They come at her again, but their lack of training is glaringly obvious. To her sped-up senses, they seem like they're moving through syrup. They leave so many places unguarded it's actually a little difficult to decide which area she wants to attack. With a shrug, she wonders,  _why not all of them?_

In a flash, one of them's down. She gives him a kick to make sure he's well and truly unconscious, and when he doesn't groan, turns her attention to the last one. 

"Try something unexpected," she encourages. "Your three pals have bored me out of my senses." But instead of fighting her, he turns to run. She hadn't noticed that, while she was dealing with the others, he'd slowly inched towards the door. Now, he's close enough to turn the handle and start out. It's only because of her Hatsu that she manages to stop him. 

When he's lying prone on the ground, she turns back around. One eyebrow raises. 

Since when was there only one other guy? 

She looks at the bakery owner, who looks just as puzzled as she; obviously, he'd been more focused on her kicking ass than where that kicked ass had gone to. In a slow, almost comedic moment, they look towards the back door. 

It shuts with a clang. 

"Dammit!" she mutters, running to the door herself and slipping out of it. As she does so, she sees two figures desperately racing away. They're staggering drunkenly, hands clutching at their crotches, but even as she starts after them, a beat-up SUV stops and they frantically open the door. With a growl, Si dashes towards them, making a flying leap as the car takes off. 

 _This is one of the stupidest things I've ever done,_ she decides as she desperately clings to the roof of the car. Unfortunately, it's made even more difficult when the driver swerves, trying to shake her off. She curses, wondering why she'd never had the foresight to make up a Hatsu that can stick to things as the car swerves again and she's left hanging on by one hand. 

With a monumental effort, she heaves herself back over the car and latches back on. Grunting, she straddles the car as best she can with her legs, hoping that the extra two limbs will at least help her stay on. She hears raised voices inside the car, probably arguing about how they're going to dispose of her, and allows herself a grim little smile. She's actually not sure if she'll be able to take all of them on- there are at least three, if not more, and she has no idea how powerful the third one is. Based on the strength of the four thugs she's already encountered, she doubts it's that great, but...it's always better to be safe than sorry. 

Besides, where are they even taking her? Now the voices inside the car are silent, indicating that a decision has been made. It's possible they're planning on driving up to a cliff and slamming on the brakes. The momentum would carry her over the car and down into the cliff, and as mentioned before, Si doesn't have a Hatsu that allows her to stick onto things. Even Fountain of Life won't be able to help her if she's already dead. 

But as minutes pass by and the car never slows, she allows herself to relax. What happens, happens. She's basically a prisoner up here until the car stops; Si's not some kind of superhero or, better, a Zoldyck. She knows there's no way she'll survive a fall from a car driving eighty miles per hour. Her Nen might protect her from some of the fall, but she'll still die. 

Her attention is alerted when the car slows down, a huge, empty warehouse looming in front of her. Her eyes narrow in confusion. Are they...taking her back to their headquarters? What kind of idiots would do that? Do they somehow think they've lost her? 

But as the thugs get out of the car, they latch onto her legs and arms before she can even react. Her Hatsu has by then worn off, rendering her just as slow as they, and just as helpless. She lashes out, forming up her Ren, but the lack of training she'd had takes its toll. Even though her Ren is stronger than any of the other's, keeping up a Hatsu for that long has taken its toll.

Another door opens and more people swarm out; five in total. She almost grins when she realizes that three of the thugs would've been squished together in the back seat of the SUV, but then she's pulled down from the roof and they attempt to pin her to the ground. 

But Hanzo's teaching hadn't been for nothing. She tears her arms from their grips and jerks her legs together, unbalancing the two men grabbing them. The five swarm in again and she headbutts the nearest, sending him staggering back, then tucks her head under and rolls. Caught off guard, the two men holding her legs let go of her as she scrambles to her feet. 

But there are too many of them. Si knows she could've taken on one of them, maybe two or even three if pushed, but five is far too many for someone as untrained as she. It takes a few minutes for them to finally overwhelm her, binding her still-struggling form and gagging her. The gag reeks of sweat, blood, and bad breath, but with her arms bound, she can't take it off. 

So as they carry her into the abandoned warehouse, she closes her eyes and decides that she's never, ever going to go inside a bakery again. 

That is, if she makes it out alive from here. 

 

* * *

 

She's hauled in front of the thug she assumes to be the leader and she sits there, resisting an almost overwhelming urge to roll her eyes as he throws insult after unoriginal insult at her. After awhile, you tend to get to know the mainstream, most used put-downs; this guy has absolutely no creativity. If he were a little younger, he'd probably be throwing 'your mom' jokes at her. 

Finally, she can't take it anymore; she rolls her eyes and mutters something  _very_ insulting under her breath in response to one of his latest remarks. Predictably, this infuriates him. Si has barely enough time to form up her Ko before his hit lands on her. Amusingly enough, her Ren is strong enough- or maybe more accurately,  _his_ Ren is weak enough- that he's the one sent backwards, slamming against the wall and swaying on his feet drunkenly in an attempt to keep his balance. 

As he swears some more at her, Si looks down at her handcuffs. Theoretically, if she focuses her aura in her hands, that should make them stronger, right? So if she just...

_Snap_

She grimaces, looking at her still manacled, now separated, hands. She'll need to find the key later, but now...

"Flashpoint!" 

Even as she says it, she knows her only bid is running away. There are at least fifteen thugs in the warehouse that she's aware of, possibly more; there's no way in hell that Si, as weak and untrained as she is now, will be able to take out fifteen Nen using thugs, even as ill-trained as they are. But as she turns to run, five of them block her path and she feels more closing in behind her. The thugs she'd fought before must've warned the others about her speed Hatsu. 

She's trapped. 

Si looks around desperately. She's surrounded and she knows that, in trying to escape, she only sealed her own death sentence. Thugs rarely want anything else. Everything seems to go quiet and only the panicked thudding of her heartbeat sounds in the deathly stillness. Everyone seems frozen, and for a moment, Si almost convinces herself that if no one moves, it can stay that way forever. 

But then they begin to move. 

The next few minutes are a blur. She fights with everything she has, using every skill she's ever been taught, but she's simply not good enough. Not trained enough. She knocks out three, then four, but she's tiring quickly and her continued use of Fountain of Life against the myriad of attacks they send her way is draining her Nen. There are still another ten, including the leader, and despair wells up inside her. 

 _Out of all the ways I had to die,_ she thinks,  _of course it had to be at the hands of a bunch of thugs._

But then, all of a sudden, there's- nothing. 

What?

As she looks around, all she sees are...are...

Bodies? 

In a mere instant, the entire group of thugs were incapacitated. How is that even possible? She gazes around, wide-eyed, not quite knowing what happened. If a  _person_ had done this- if there were a person powerful enough to take out ten Nen-users in a moment- Si's honestly not sure she wants to stick around. 

Then again, if this person could take out ten people in a second, she's sure they could've taken her out as well, if they wanted to. Which means they want her alive.

Some faint wisp of energy tingles her brain and she spins around, then jumps backwards with fright and cries out. 

"Not very perceptive, are you?" 

"You were inches away from me! That's an invasion of personal space!" Si crosses her arms protectively over her chest, trying to maintain an annoyed mask as she glares at the newcomer. In reality, she's terrified. The man doesn't look like much- rather unkempt looking, with his messy brown hair wrapped in some kind of weird turban and stubble on his cheek- but there's no one else around that she can sense, which can only mean one thing. This is the man who took out ten people like they were nothing. 

She needs to be careful. 

"I just saved your life," the brown-haired man notes calmly, looking pointedly down at the bodies lying on the ground around them, "I think I've earned the right to invade your personal space." 

"My privacy isn't a right to be earned," she spits, still scared but unable to help herself. 

He considers. "Yes it is," he decides dismissively, and steps back towards her. "Anyway," he waves a hand, "Where'd you learn Nen? You've got potential, but right now you're shit." 

She feels rather offended at his blunt analysis, but again, stranger danger. He  _did_ just kill- knock out, she's going with knock out- a bunch of people. She's aware she could be the next one if she says something stupid. 

"My teacher's dead. I didn't kill him, if you're wondering." 

"Hm. I might've killed him if I were you. Pretty incompetent." 

"Um...no offense," she tries carefully, "but is there a reason you just randomly showed up here and saved my life, or is there something you want?" 

"Me? No, I didn't come here for you." It's a little  _too_ innocent, but she thinks nothing of it. "I was passing by, heard some commotion. I don't like being disturbed when I'm trying to think." 

"Right," Si says a bit skeptically. "Um, well, thanks for saving my life and all that, I guess. What's your name?" 

The man stares at her. Something about his eyes looks familiar, almost- something about the color, the intensity. It's the same kind of familiarity she gets around- ow- Esu, but weaker. And with less stabbing pain in the skull. 

After a few seconds, Si realizes he still hasn't said anything. Cautiously, she asks, "You  _do_ have one, right?" 

"Nigg." 

 _That's an odd name._ "Si." 

He nods briefly, turns around, and starts walking away. 

"Hey!" 

"What?" Nigg turns around. "You've thanked me. Now leave." 

Okay, now she's offended. He's being pretty rude. "I, um, how did you do that?" 

"Do what?" 

She has a feeling Nigg knows exactly what she's talking about, but finds it amusing to keep people hanging like this. Si personally finds it extremely annoying, but again. Best not to rile him up. "How did you..." she motions at the bodies all around them. 

"Oh. That." He gives her considering look, then grins. The enthusiasm and brightness in his eyes is so achingly familiar her chest clenches a little. "Trade secret. Not telling." 

Her brain's screaming to stay away from this man. He radiates danger, seemingly without even trying. His Ren isn't hostile, but the sheer wildness of it is breathtaking in a way that is more terrifying even than Esu's bloodthirst. Esu and Illumi are both intimidating and petrifying in their own right, but something about the wild, hazel-brown aura flowing from Nigg puts him in an entirely different level. 

However, that power flowing from him is the exact reason she should stay with him. To date, Nigg is the most powerful Nen-user she's ever met. She can tell simply by his aura. He's more powerful than her old teacher, more powerful than Esu...more powerful than Illumi Zoldyck. The one man who scares her the most, and not because of his Nen. 

So she takes a deep breath and says, "What do I have to do in order for you to tell me?" 

Nigg glances her way for a fraction of a second, purses his lips, and turns his back on her again. "Not interested. I don't take students." 

Well, that worked. She tries a different tact. "I don't have to be a student in order for you to teach me something actually useful." This time, Nigg doesn't speak immediately, so she continues, "You said I have potential. Do you really want me to waste it?" 

 _"Great_ potential," Nigg corrects, walking away, "but again, not interested." 

Feeling kind of stupid, she follows behind him anyway. The idea of begging isn't exactly appealing, but the possibility of one day being able to stand up to Illumi, of being able to defend herself from others like him... "Do you have anyone else you'd recommend, then?" 

"Nope." 

She forces back her frustration. "You can't just say 'oh, you have great potential' and then walk away without telling me what to do with it!" 

"Mm, yes I can. I  _am_ the one who saved your life." 

If he hadn't taken out ten people...She takes a deep breath. Time to think logically. "One thing I don't get...why would you go to all the trouble of saving my life if you're not going to do anything else? I mean, no one asked you to walk in this building and save me. So why would you do that if you're just going to walk back out of my life without asking for anything in return?" 

Nigg stiffens a little and Si grins.  _Got him._ She steps closer to the man and finishes, "You obviously wanted something. What is it?" 

It's a risky move, but unlike with Illumi, Si doesn't sense any malice. He just seems...wild. Wild and so very different from any human she's ever met before. Like he doesn't even come from the same planet. 

"You have connections," Nigg says finally, turning around to face her. "I'm keeping an eye on you because you're the strongest link available." 

That just serves to make her even more confused, but she says, "So if you're watching me anyway, why not give me a few tips? You want me alive, right? You won't always be around to save me from things like this, so doesn't it make sense for me to know how to defend myself?" 

"If you can't find a teacher to teach you those things, you're even more hopeless than I thought." 

Si grins brightly. "I did, though. I found you." 

Nigg groans. "You're more persistent than I gave you credit for," he mutters grumpily, with all the maturity of a five-year-old. "Fine, I'll show you a couple things. But," he points a finger at her, "you are  _not_ my student. Got it?" 

More excited than uneasy, she gives him another smile. "Got it." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I wanna take a vote: who here thinks Si should take the water divination test? I kind of want to do it simply because I have her Hatsu planned out and I don't like the idea of using the 'oh I've never taken it' excuse because...Nen categories impact your Nen abilities a ton, and using some sort of excuse like 'she's special, the Nen categories don't restrict her' or whatever seems, in my opinion, exceptionally lazy as a writer.  
> However, according to Hisoka, Nen categories can be linked to personalities and I feel like stating which Nen category Reader/Si is in would make a more definite bid on her personality than, perhaps, any of us are comfortable making. With my personality, for instance, I'm a Conjurer (I took a test), but I know that out of everyone reading this, it's very likely there are people who are closer to the other categories.   
> Since Specialists are the most nondescript category, with Hisoka merely stating them to be 'independent,' I was thinking of making Si a Specialist (for a couple of other reasons as well, but I won't say what they are now). Thoughts? Would you rather I don't do the test at all? Do you think I've maybe expressed her personality to be something that's closely related to another Nen category?


	17. Genesis

"C'mon, put some weight into it." 

She doesn't even turn to look in the direction of the voice, too exhausted to give him a piece of her mind. "Easy for you to say," she mutters. "You're not the one having to lift a six-hundred pound rock." 

"Six hundred _five_ pounds!" 

She forces her frustration down. "Does it matter? It's still heavy! And you're not even teaching me anything about my Nen!" 

"Right now, you're using your Nen as a crutch. You need to be strong without it. Nen shouldn't be your primary fighting technique; it should only enhance what's already there." Si grumbles under her breath. Hanzo would love this guy. Hell, Nigg would probably love Hanzo back, seeing as the ninja's the most capable person she's ever met that didn't have Nen. 

"You have a point," she finally admits grudgingly, arms straining under the weight. "I've never been trained in martial arts or anything like that, so I'm horrifically out of shape." 

She isn't looking at Nigg, but she can sense a change in his aura. "You've never had martial arts training?" he half-yells, half-asks. Then, mumbling, he adds, "why did I take this useless girl on, why, why, why..." 

"I can hear you," she snaps, not as offended as she would've been a week earlier. Now that she's been training- ahem, had Nigg showing her some things- for the past five days, she's pretty much used to his rude mannerisms and rather appalling immaturity. It gets on her nerves sometimes, but his barbed comments no longer sting as much as they used to. 

"Hold that rock for another thirty minutes. Then I _guess_ I have to show you some martial arts." She can practically sense him jabbing a finger at her. "Remember, I'm  _not_ teaching you. It's just appalling that you've gotten so far in your life without knowing something like this." 

She rolls her eyes, but even she can't prevent her lips tugging upwards. "Of course." 

After somehow struggling through the next half-hour, Nigg finally tells her to put the rock down. Slowly. Cursing him in her head, Si _slowly_ sets the boulder down, fighting back a wince as the muscles in her arms protest at even the smallest movements. Once her task is completed, she straightens back up, rubbing her arms and fighting back a groan at the already prevalent stiffness of her muscles. She'll honestly be surprised if she can even move her arms tomorrow. 

"Are you done being a baby yet?"

Si fights back the urge to tell him that the only baby in this five-mile radius is Nigg, instead nodding and turning to face him. He sinks into a fighting stance with enviable ease and grace- the same kind of grace she's seen in Illumi, in Esu, in Hanzo. She's left wondering if her body will ever possess even a fraction of that same surety and poise. Reluctantly, she widens her stance and put her fists in front of her, hoping that it'll at least pass for a stance. Nigg's eye-roll tells her that's probably not the case.

"You look like a baby bear trying to learn how to fight."

"Well, I don't know how to fight," she says, fighting the strangest urge to laugh at the comparison, "so part of that's correct, at least."

"For starters," Nigg says, "Look at your stance." She raises an eyebrow, giving him a look that says _if I knew what I was doing wrong, I wouldn't need a teacher, would I?_ He sighs and points at her legs. "It's too wide for your body. Whoever taught you that must've been a guy, because your legs are splayed out way too far. If I were to attack you, you wouldn't be able to move out of the way fast enough."

"So how far apart should they be?" 

"Hip-width apart, usually." He considers. "If you're severely out-matched in strength and they look like they're going to unleash a powerful attack, though, you can extend the width to shoulder or maybe even a little more, if you think you're strong enough to take the blow without being thrown off your feet. In general, you want to be ready to go on the offensive, though." 

She nods, adjusting her stance accordingly. It makes sense. "Anything else?" 

"A hell of a lot else," Nigg mutters, ignoring the dirty look she throws at him, then shrugs. "I don't suggest standing flatfooted. Again, it makes it harder to move. Other than that..." He gives her a dazzling grin and motions towards himself. "Hit me." 

She already knows she won't land a single blow on him. Anyone with that fluidity of movement is a trained fighter. With a sigh, she moves forward, pulls back an arm-

She lands with a thud on her back, thirty feet away. 

For a moment, all she can do is stare. "What...?" 

Even in all her training with Hanzo...even when fighting Esu...she's never been defeated so quickly. So...

...easily. 

_I didn't even see it coming._

As she watches Nigg come towards her, she's suddenly afraid. No, more than that- she's  _terrified._ This man has power unimaginable. And she's stuck by his side for who knows how long. If selling your soul to a devil was still a thing, Si thinks she's done just that. 

"That," Nigg says, "Was for not giving it your all." 

He grins. 

 

* * *

 

"Hit me." 

A thud. She scrambles to her feet.

"Hit me." 

She lands on her stomach this time, scraping her knees in the dirt. This time, she's slower picking herself back up again.

"Hit me," Nigg says again. 

Si's getting nowhere, and both of them know it. She's been training for two weeks now, and although she's progressing just fine in terms of strength, stamina, and agility, when it actually comes to trying to beat Nigg...

She lands face down on the ground, groaning. Achingly slowly, she pushes herself onto her back and stares up at Nigg's approaching figure. "This isn't going to work," she tells him. "I'm not getting any better, nor am I learning anything." 

Nigg doesn't respond. With a groan, she pushes herself onto her feet once more.

"Hit me." 

She glares at him, refusing to move an inch. 

 _Thud._ She skids backwards, body moving in an uncontrolled flip before landing heavily on her back. 

"I didn't even try!" she protests.

"That's why you're on the ground, idiot!" 

"But I end up there no matter what!" 

"If you were a little better, you wouldn't," Nigg tells her, watching as she drags herself back up to her aching feet. "Hit me." 

"No." 

Like every other time, the movement's too fast to see- too fast to even guess at where it's coming from. Like every other time, she's thrown backwards with a strength she could never hope to contest. Like every other time, she hits the ground with an aching thud. 

"Get up," Nigg says this time, when seconds tick by and she doesn't move. 

"No." 

"Get up," he says again.

"I'm just going to get thrown back down again." All of a sudden, Si's seized with despair. This is hopeless. It's been two weeks, and she's made absolutely no progress. She still can't even sense Nigg's strikes; she's still just as powerless when exposed to his pure strength. She has no hope of defending herself against him. 

"Get up." 

"It's hopeless," she mumbles, closing her eyes. "I'm never going to get strong enough to even challenge you." 

"Get up," Nigg says, like he doesn't even hear her.

"No," she says, then she gets angry. "No! No, I won't get up! I'm sick of getting beaten hundreds of times a day! I'm sick of you not even giving me  _tips_ about what to do! No, I'm not going to fucking get up!" 

Nigg just looks at her for a long moment. For a moment, she wonders if anything she's saying is even penetrating his thick skull, but surprisingly, he sits down next to her on the grass, training his gaze off into the distance.

"Why did you want to become a Hunter?" 

Of all the questions she'd expected him to ask, that hadn't been one. "What?" 

He still doesn't look at her, but his hard expression softens. "I took the exam because I wanted to become the  _best_ Hunter, because I wanted to excel and do everything better than anybody else." He laughs softly- it's the first time she's ever heard him make the sound in a way that wasn't mocking. "Twelve-year-olds, am I right?" 

"You took the exam when you were twelve!?" 

"Mm. Passed it, too. But my point is, you must've had a reason to risk your life. What was it?" 

She hesitates. The only thing Nigg's done these past few weeks is mock her and insult her. She doesn't want to give him even the smallest look at her vulnerable side; she doesn't trust him enough to think she'll escape unscathed. But, finally, not knowing why she does it herself, she says, "My friends were...murdered. In front of me. I want to save whoever I can from having my same fate." 

No one says anything for a few seconds. Then Nigg says, "Alright, so use that. Use that to keep you going."

"But I'm getting nowhere. This whole training thing is pointless, Nigg. I'm just not good enough." She pretends the bitter shards of her last words don't cut into her throat, don't tear into the lining of her soul. 

"You're getting better." 

She huffs a disbelieving laugh. "Don't try and make me feel better. I can't even stand against a single blow of yours, and something tells me you're not even trying that hard." 

Instead of answering, Nigg stands up and turns to face her. He offers her a hand. With a sigh, she takes it, heaving herself back up to her feet.

"Hit me." 

She just looks at him- looks at his infuriatingly familiar brown eyes. A litany of phrases, of excuses, rise to her mind. 

_I can't._

_It's no use._

_This will never work._

_I'm not good enough._

She takes a deep breath. Opens her mouth.

And shuts it, and lashes out with one leg. 

She sees his fist out of the corner of her eye, feels her foot make contact only with wind, but he's far too fast to react to. She feels her body jerk, feels herself soar backwards, waits for the inevitable thump. But Nigg was slower this time, or maybe she's more prepared. Her aching muscles protest as she curls herself into a ball and flips, landing in a crouch.

There's the faintest current of wind, the faintest trace of movement-

And she's sprawled on the ground once more. But as Si looks up at Nigg, she grins bigger than she has in months. "That's one for me." 

 

* * *

 

The next few weeks pass by. After begging Nigg for a solid day to teach her something about Nen, he finally loses his temper and tells her he "won't teach you a goddamn _thing_ until you can hold a two-ton boulder for three hours!" In hindsight, provoking him in the first place probably wasn't a good idea, especially since there's no chance he'll ever take it back.  

So now Si grunts, trickles of sweat running down her face as she struggles with a one-ton rock. She's been training for around a month and a half, bringing them into early May. In that period of time, she's grown stronger than she ever thought capable without Nen, but Nigg seems to think she could become even stronger if they had the time; she'd told him early on that her deadline was the auction in Yorknew City, December 1st: he'd just nodded and told her to hold the stupid rock for another thirty minutes. 

She holds the rock high above her head- according to Nigg, she has to change positions every ten minutes in order to work all the muscle groups in both her arms and her back. Even worse, she has to shift from standing straight-legged to bent knees, then to one leg. It's the most grueling thing she's ever done, but she knows there's no other option if she wants to improve this quickly. 

"Time," Nigg calls. With a sigh of relief, Si sets the rock down. For something as heavy as it is, it's surprisingly small- barely bigger than a small table. She stretches, working through each set of muscles as quickly as possible, then looks up at her teacher. 

"What's it today, Nigg?" she asks tiredly. "Twenty kilometers? A run through the obstacle course?" 

He shakes his head. "You'll take a run tonight. Until then..." he settles into a stance. She already knows what he's going to say next. "Hit me." 

In all the six weeks she's been with him, she hasn't landed a single blow on him. Si knows that most likely won't change today. She sinks into a matching stance, eyes flickering over his form. After so many weeks of fighting, her stance has changed, become more natural. As the mocking comments from Nigg have slowly faded into nonexistence, she has a feeling it's become something at least approximating a workable battle stance. 

However, as Si knows well, battle stances are nothing when your opponent is Nigg.

Still, she obediently darts forward and swings at him, not surprised when the familiar flash of movement comes and she's thrown into the air, this time over Nigg's head. Thinking quickly, she tucks her chin and does a spinning sort of flip- one of the few things Nigg actually taught her- which lands her facing him again. The next blow is a solid kick in the stomach that sends her backwards, but her newly-strengthened muscles manage to withstand some of the impact and she keeps on her feet, merely skidding a few feet. 

She ducks without thought, making a cautious swing at him in the hopes he's off-balance. Her fist only meets air, and then she's thrown straight up. The terrifying strength of Nigg means that she's airborne for several seconds, long enough for him to say something.

"Don't hesitate, idiot! You could've hit me just then." 

"Yeah, right," she says, landing almost perfectly on both feet. She jumps back up to avoid a sweeping kick, but she's just the slightest bit too slow- his foot catches her and she falls, barely managing to do some kind of weird backflip out of it. Nigg makes a sound somewhere between condescending and resigned- most likely a lament at her terrible technique- and sends her a barrage of punches, none of which she manages to dodge. 

This time, she lands on her back. 

But she knows that Nigg won't let her off until he's satisfied; if she doesn't move, he'll simply continue beating her up until he feels like stopping. So she braces her arms in front of her face and fights a wince as the blow hits and she feels something crack in one arm. By now, she's broken so many bones so many times that she's surprised they can still break- can't bones only break once in any given place? 

She doesn't let the broken bone stop her, leaping to her feet and kicking out at Nigg. This time, her foot meets resistance and she startles- did she finally hit him? But then she's tossed back to the ground and she has the sinking realization that Nigg grabbed her foot out of midair and threw her down. 

Thus far, this fight's going like every single other one she's had in the last couple of weeks: never landing a hit, only occasionally dodging, and with her basically at Nigg's mercy the entire time. 

It's infuriating. 

She rolls to one side to avoid Nigg's next attack, irritatingly conscious that he's slowing down now that she's on the ground, but then something catches her eye. A bunch of pebbles, or, really, shattered stones. She grabs a fistful and forces herself back up to standing, barely dodging Nigg's next blow. She pulls her arm back and throws the rocks, watches as Nigg's retaliatory strike hits air, then lunges. 

Distracted as he is from the rocks, he's slightly off balance. Si's newfound strength topples both of them, and she lands on top of Nigg. Without hesitation, she punches-

Only to be stopped by the palm of one hand. 

"Seriously?" she asks as she flies back again. 

"Well, you did make contact," her teacher replies, executing one swift, perfect chop to her neck. The excruciating pain causes her to cry out and she sinks to the ground, blinking back tears. "I guess I'll count that as a hit." 

"You're...too ki-ind," she grinds out through the pain. It's not the first time he's used that attack on her, but it never fails to bring her the same amount of agony. Seeing as it's the same chop Hanzo used on Gon during their duel, she thinks she's finally coming to understand Gon's pain. 

 "Well, you finally learned something else valuable," Nigg tells her, ignoring her last statement. "Took you long enough to learn, too."

"What...what was that?" she manages.

"Surprise is an effective way to win fights. If you hadn't thrown those rocks at me and forced me to focus on that instead of what you were doing, you never would've caught me off-guard enough to tackle me like that. If you feel like you're outmatched, doing something unexpected- and with _fairly low risk-_ can be key to winning a battle."

"Or landing a hit on you," she grumbles, rubbing at her neck. When she realizes she did it with her broken arm, she curses softly and sighs. "Can I heal yet?"

Nigg waves a hand dismissively. "Go ahead. Although teaching you how to fight while injured is a good idea, I don't think I'll start that yet."

 _"Yet?"_ she asks, but decides to let it go and mumbles, "Fountain of Life." The throbbing pain in her neck and arm mostly fades, along with the other cuts and bruises littered across her skin. It's been five days since she last healed- that was the last time Nigg broke something- and her entire body was covered with various scrapes, bruises, scars, and even a few burns (Nigg's obstacle course is truly something, she'll give him that). Finally being able to heal up- at least as well as her Hatsu allows her to- is an almost euphoric experience. 

With a sigh of relief, she stands up. Nigg's a few feet away, watching her. 

"Hit me. Again." 

 

* * *

 

_"I never knew my parents," Hisoka starts out. It's a pretty sad statement, but the way Hisoka says it, he could've been talking about cleaning his house. "No idea who they are except that they were married and their last name was Morow." He pauses. "Hell, for all I know, it could still be Morow. I have no idea if they're dead or alive."_

_She just sits there, not really sure of what to say. She knows that if she says something wrong, Hisoka could easily clam up on her again. After the deal they made, she's not taking any chances. Hisoka's going to tell her what's going on with him, or she's reneging on her contract._

_"My earliest memory is this man looking down at me with these startling yellow eyes. I guess he must've been my father, since I've never met anyone else with my eye color before."_

_She gives him a confused look. "Hisoka...your eyes are green."_

_The boy shakes his head. "Give me a second." He steps up to her mirror and...reaches into his eye!?_

_"Woah, what the hell?" she asks, but he waves her off with a laugh._

_"They're called contacts," he explains, showing her a small, bright blue disk resting on his forefinger. He does the same thing with his other eye and pulls out a small, plastic case which he sticks them in before turning back towards her. He steps closer into the fading sunlight, making his eyes glow amber. "This is my actual eye color."_

_"Why...why do you wear them?" she asks._

_He shrugs, giving her a bit of a smile. "I got tired of being called demonic for having 'freakish yellow eyes.'"_

_She nods, taking all that information in. "So how'd you get into school without parents? Do you have a legal guardian?"_

_"Close. I joined a circus when I was around nine, which is how I earned a living. However, the authorities said I needed an education as well, so they enrolled me in school under the condition I could skip school for the circus whenever necessary, as long as I kept up with the homework. It made for some pretty bad grades, but..." he shrugs._

_"Are you still with the circus?" Hisoka's openness is almost unnerving, but she'll be damned if she doesn't take advantage of it. Two favors, especially two favors owed to someone with as questionable morals as Hisoka has, are nothing to sneeze at._

_"Yes. I need something to pay the bills, and they pay very well." He grins. "After all, I'm their star performer."_

_She rolls her eyes, unsurprised. "Of course you are."  After a pause she asks cautiously, "All those rumors about you having killed someone...are they...?"_

_"Yes," Hisoka answers, without hesitation. "I got attacked by a man with a knife. Self-defense."_

Even though he claims it was self-defense,  _she can't help but think,_ he did still kill someone.  _"And there wasn't any other way to stop him, like...knocking him out?"_

_Hisoka shrugs. "I was eleven. Wasn't really thinking straight."_

_"Hang on...you killed someone when you were eleven!?" The amount of power his lanky, thinly muscled body contains must be unreal._

_"More or less." He yawns, waving a hand in dismissal. "Any more questions?"_

_"Uh...do you know anything about any of your other family members?"_

_Hisoka stiffens a little. "It so happens I have a little brother who's currently living with me, actually."_

_The new tension in his body and the care with which he speaks makes her choose her next words carefully. "I don't think I remember ever seeing him at school. I mean," she motions towards him with a grin, "someone with skin as pale as yours tends to stand out."_

_Unfortunately, Hisoka doesn't seem to notice her attempts at levity. "He goes to a different school. Private, not public. He's too smart for us dumb public school kids."_

_"Hey! I take offense!" Despite her words, she's honestly not that offended, but it's worth it to see the mischievous glint come back into Hisoka's eyes. However, she can't help but wonder...Hisoka's scarily brilliant; easily the smartest person she knows. Although he's never once used that intelligence for a good purpose, she knows it's definitely there. The idea that Hisoka's younger brother is smarter than he is is unsettling._

_"What's his name? Does he look like you at all?" She grins. "I bet he looks like a vampire, too."_

_"A vampire? Me?" Hisoka clutches a hand to his chest dramatically. "That's it. I'm finished. I no longer have the strength to go on. You've destroyed me."_

_She rolls her eyes, fighting a smile. "Oh, just answer the question, doofus."_

_"Doofus? Really?_ Doofus?" 

_She gives him a look. Hisoka rolls his eyes in return and sighs. "A little. We have the same facial structure, but his eyes are brown and his hair's bright red. Like a fire, practically." Hisoka runs a hand through his hair, tugging on a mostly brownish strand. "Mine's a little red, but not nearly as red as his. It looks pretty awesome when the light hits it just right."_

_She nods again, pauses. She's not sure how far she can push him. Then she clenches her jaw. She owes him two favors. He better tell her what she wants to know. "How old is he?"_

_"Twelve. Still a kid, practically. And for all his brains," the trace of something almost like a fond smile flickers on his lips, "he's completely inept physically. Can't even do a backflip."_

_"All brains and no brawn?"_

_Hisoka smirks. "Something like that." He flops down on her bed, practically tossing her off of it in the process. For someone that looks as scrawny as he, he's far too heavy. "Anything else?"_

_She hesitates. There are a few more things she wants to ask- things like why he reacted that way when she called him a psychopath and if he was bullied when he was younger. She wants to ask him how the hell being called demonic because of your eye color could not have affected him in a bad way._

_Then she realizes...it probably did. He's just gotten better at hiding it._

_But she shakes her head. "No. So, now that I owe you three favors, thought about what you wanna force me to do yet? Kill our principal?"_

_Hisoka grins._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on popular vote so far, the plan is to make Si a Specialist. If anyone would like to make an argument for Si being in a different category, this is your last chance. Two chapters from now, chapter 19, will have the test, and I'm about to start writing that chapter.  
> In other thoughts...I'm honestly astonished I still have people reading this thing. I mean, it's been like four months since I started writing this fic, yet I still have people actively commenting. I'm pretty amazed I haven't managed to bore all of you out of reading this yet- this fic is taking a lot longer to complete than I thought it would, and might even require a sequel so it doesn't end up being like fifty chapters. Thank you so much for continuing to read and comment and support this fic; it means quite a lot.  
> Lastly, I hope everyone has a good Friday and an even better weekend!


	18. Stronger

_Hisoka grins._

_"Actually, I've been wondering for a while. Why did my acting like we were dating upset you so much?"_

_She gives him a blank look. "Nope. Not telling you."_

_"Humor me."_

_"Nope," she repeats, popping the p._

_He sighs. "Do I have to make this a favor? You know if I do that, you can't refuse."_

_"Do you really care that much?" She gives him a skeptical eyebrow. "Because I don't think you do."_

_The boy looks at her for a moment, then shrugs. "At the moment, I don't have anything better to use your favors on. And I do have three of them. Might as well use them for satisfying my curiosity."_

_But she crosses her arms. Like hell is she going to tell him._

_"Y/N..." he gives her a smirk. "You're going to have to tell me, one way or another. You want to do this the easy way or the hard way?"_

_She fights not to roll her eyes at the cliche phrase but replies, "I'd rather do it no way at all, if it's all the same to you."_

_"You do realize that the more you protest, the more intrigued I become, yes?"_

_She tries to glare but freezes when she meets his eyes, shining gold in the light, because_ when the hell did he get so close? _She shuts her mouth determinedly and tries to scoot back, knowing that it would instantly betray her if she said anything._

_"I don't think you want me to do this the hard way, so I'll ask once more...why?"_

_She swallows and slides off her bed, standing up to put more distance between them. Thankfully Hisoka doesn't follow, just stares up at her with those startling gold eyes. "I-It wasn't what we agreed on."_

_"There's more than that," Hisoka says smoothly. "I just spilled my guts for you; this is the least you can do. I'll even allow this to be a favor. But you have to tell me the truth."_

_"W-Well, we've- we've only just met," she stammers. "I didn't want to assume-"_

_Hisoka rolls his eyes. "I was the one instigating everything, my dear. Try again."_

_She heaves a sigh. "Fine. I don't want a relationship with someone who's only using me for sex or popularity or any number of things. I also think dating in highschool is a dumb idea since a lot of people move across entire countries for their next step in life. It just seems like asking for heartbreak." Embarrassment flares in her cheeks. She hates being so uncomfortably vulnerable, but at least he didn't ask her a more personal question- something like if she likes him. She's honestly not even sure of the answer herself._

_Something flashes in Hisoka's eyes, something almost like respect. "That's understandable." Then he huffs, the moment gone. "I can't believe I wasted a favor on that, though. I thought you were going to confess your denial over finding yourself in love with me."_

_She practically chokes. "W-What!?"_

_In what seems like a millisecond, he's right in front of her. She tries to sidestep but he follows, forcing her to slowly back into a wall. "My dear little swan," he murmurs practically into her neck, "don't think you can lie to me."_

_At this point in time, poking at him for his use of pet names is the furthest thing from her mind. "I-I'm not lying," she protests, shoving at him. "I don't feel that way about you. Can you back up, please?"_

_He considers, backs up a step. "Not quite convincing, but close. I'll let you off...this time."_

_Relief surges through her at their distance. Despite herself, she was thrown by his nearness. Now that he's at an appropriate distance, her head feels clear again._

_"Disappointing," he murmurs, still looking at her. "Very disappointing." Then before she can respond, he turns around and starts walking towards the door of her room. "Well, I'll be off now. I'll contact you when I've thought up something for your other two favors. Bye-bye."_

_"Wait-" but he shuts the door with a decided click and she's too proud to run out after him._

_For a second, she just stares at the shut door. What the hell has she gotten herself into?_

 

* * *

 

"How much is that?" 

"One and a..." she grunts, not for the first time wishing she could use Nen to help her with this. "One and a half...t-tons." 

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Nigg nod in something almost like satisfaction. His tiny nods are probably the closest to a compliment she'll ever get; Si's learned to treasure them. After all, humans run on positivity. 

"How long has it been?" Si asks. 

"Not telling." 

If she had the strength, she wouldn't hesitate to throw the stupid rock straight on top of him. "You've got to be kidding me." 

Nigg glares. "I'll tell you when I feel like telling you!" She glares at him some more, silently debates whether throwing the rock on him is actually a plausible idea or not. Finally, Nigg sighs. "Fine. It's been two and a half hours. I'll give you two more days to work with this weight; then you need to add a few hundred more pounds." 

She nods. The next half-hour passes by in a daze. She's gotten familiar with it: when your body is on the knife's edge between giving up and keeping going, thinking too much about your current state can make you give in. And well, Nigg's never been too happy when she's done that in the past. So she's learned to shut down her mental functions and only focus on one thing: keeping the rock up. It's the only way she's managed to push her body so far, so quickly. 

Finally, Nigg gives her the signal to stop. She sets the rock down, tells herself not to collapse. She's pushing her body  _too_ far,  _too_ quickly, but she has to get stronger. She  _has_ to. 

"Give me 40 kilometers," he instructs, either failing to see or not caring about the dawning horror on her face. "Full sprint." 

She opens her mouth to argue but decides it's no use. "If I die of exhaustion, I'm blaming you," she tells him. 

"Go ahead," Nigg says dismissively. "You'll be dead. Dead people can't do much." 

"Can't Nen abilities get stronger after death?" 

Nigg just looks at her. "Stop stalling, already!" 

So she does. Even as exhausted as she is, she manages to keep up something approximating her full speed for around twenty-five kilometers. It's a testament to how much she's improved that she can still keep running even after that; two months ago her wouldn't have been able to keep up that pace even at full power. Yeah, the exam was easily over 50 kilometers, but Satotz wasn't going nearly fast enough to force everyone into a sprint. Especially not at the speed Si's full sprint is now. 

The next fifteen kilometers are the real test. Even though she knows that Nigg's probably off in some forest somewhere petting a grizzly bear and is not anywhere close to watching her progress, slowing down any more than is absolutely necessary feels like she's failing not just herself but the people she promised to protect. The people she promised to avenge. 

The last ten kilometers, her breath is coming so fast she's surprised she's not hyperventilating. Her arms and legs feel like they're weighed down with those lead weights Nigg's so fond of using. She staggers drunkenly, vision blacking out for a moment.  _Nine_ _more kilometers,_ she tells herself.  _You can do this._

Nausea curdles in her stomach with five kilometers more. She's only faintly aware of how uneven her gait is. Her head is throbbing, throbbing like it might burst at any moment. There's nothing she wants more in the world than to be able to use Fountain of Life, but as tired as she is, the only thing it'd do is knock her out. Although now that she thinks about it, that might not be such a bad idea. 

Every step feels like an eternity passed. Her vision swims in and out of focus; her lungs burn in her chest and her legs feel like fire. She'd already pushed her body beyond its limits by holding that boulder for an hour longer than she had any other day. And that wasn't even mentioning the two-hour obstacle course Nigg had forced her to go through earlier that day or the thirty-minute duel.

No, Si is well and truly exhausted. With a flash of fear, she wonders if maybe she's finally pushed her body too far. If maybe she won't be able to recover from her exertions this time. 

_One more kilometer. You can do this._

But she can't. She  _can't._ She can't she can't she can't she can't she-

She has to. 

If she wants to fight Illumi, if she wants to protect others from the likes of Esu and the Phantom Troupe...she has to do this. She knows all too well that, compared to fighting them, this will seem like child's play. 

Finally, a familiar tree comes into view through her blurred vision. Si gives a gasping sob and tugs her tired feet for one more step, one more step to her stopping point...

Her hands make contact with the rough bark of the tree. As if a light had just been turned off, she promptly collapses. 

Even as she falls, her eyes close and her breathing evens out. 

"Well," a quiet, rough voice murmurs, "I must say, I wasn't expecting her to actually be able to finish it." Nigg steps into view, looking at the unconscious body of his student. "She ran the whole way. Surprising." He examines her for a second more. "Looks pretty tired," he notes, "but she'll be fine." Without a backwards glance, he walks away. 

After all...she  _did_ take him away from his favorite grizzly bear. 

 

* * *

 

It's been two and a half months since she first started with Nigg. In all the weeks she's been with him, she hasn't received one iota of the Nen training that was her entire reason for coming to him in the first place. 

But now as she heaves a two-ton boulder over her head, watching the sun's slow ascent into the sky, she knows that that's finally about to change. 

"Done," Nigg calls. She sets the rock down, regains her breath. "Now go run forty-"

"Hell no," she interrupts, glaring at him. "You promised I'd get to learn Nen now." 

"You already know Nen." 

"You know what I mean," she snaps. "I did what you told me to do. Now it's your turn to teach me something useful." 

"Sorry kid," Nigg says, "Don't feel like it today." 

She growls and lunges, tackling him and hitting him as hard in the face as she can. "Fucking  _bastard!"_

Nigg throws her off and gets up, but instead of the annoyance or fury she was expecting, he just looks amused. She knows why: even though she's gotten to the point where she can occasionally land a blow if she catches him off guard or off balance, there's no way she should've been able to hit him right then unless he actually let her do it. "Once again you do the unexpected. I must say, I really like it when you do that. Makes for a more interesting day." 

She crosses her arms and just glares at him. 

"Fine," he huffs. "Show me your Ren. I want to see what I have to work with." 

She does, fully expecting his taunts. And that's exactly what she gets. 

"What the hell kinda Ren is that? A child could produce better than that!" 

 _No child, except maybe Gon, could do better than that,_ she thinks resentfully, but keeps silent. 

"Well..." he sighs. "Alright, I want three hours of meditation, using Ten, then an hour of full-blown Ren." She opens her mouth to protest but he beats her to it. "If you didn't suck so much you wouldn't have to do this, so don't complain!"

Groaning, she closes her eyes and settles into Ten.

_This is going to take a while._

 

* * *

 

"Have you heard the term Ryu?"

Si shakes her head slowly, watching with slight amusement as Nigg's expression turns to horror. "What the hell kinda teacher have you had?"

"Not a good one," she laughs. "Alright, so what's Ryu?"

"First, do you at least know what Ko is?"

A nod. "It's where you focus all your aura into one specific body part, like a hand."

"And you know what Ken and Gyo are?"

"Yeah. Ken's used for defense and Gyo is like Ko, but weaker."

"Well, at least you aren't entirely clueless." She rolls her eyes. Nigg continues, "Ryu is the term used for the real-time adjustment of your Ren over your body during a fight. For instance," he forms up Ko in his right hand and slowly starts moving towards her, "If we're fighting and you see my hand start to go towards your ribs," he moves it towards her torso, "you would focus a larger concentration of aura there. Depending on how powerful my attack looks, you could put anywhere from 60% to 100% of your aura there."

She nods, taking it all in. Ryu sounds pretty important for a fight. If she wants to get stronger, she'll need to learn this technique very well.

"Now, let's practice it. This is the one exercise I'll take slowly, since it can take a while to first learn how to adjust the necessary amount of Ren needed for defense." He slowly moves his hand towards her stomach. Si looks at his Ko, trying to decide how much aura she should put there. _Well, better to be safe than sorry,_ she decides, putting everything she has in one spot. 

And then there's burning agony in one shoulder and she's flying backwards.

"Not usually a good idea," Nigg tells her as she picks herself up with a scowl. "If your opponent's fast enough, they could change the direction of their hit midway and cripple or disable you. Always keep _at least_ 10% of your Ren on the rest of your body. Once your Ren gets stronger, you might be able to lower that to 5% or even 3%, but you need to keep something on the rest of your body so it'll at least partially shield you."

She steps back forwards, rubbing her shoulder.

"Alright, let's try this again." Nigg moves one hand towards her at the same slow rate. This time she decides on around 80% of her Nen to her face, the place Nigg seems to be aiming for. When his fist makes contact, it throws her back, but not enough to take her off her feet.

"You lack refinement," Nigg says, "but you have the right idea. Let's try this a little faster." His fist moves quicker this time, leaving her with barely enough time to transfer the amount of aura she needs to her chest.

They continue with that for several hours. By the end of that time, Si's bruised all over. Her Ren weakly flickers whenever she tries to defend herself and finally, even Nigg realizes they won't get any further today. 

"Give me one round through the obstacle course and 40 kilometers, then you're done for today." 

She groans. "How do you want me to do them?" 

"Full sprint." He pauses and gives her a look. "And I mean your full sprint; not some half-assed excuse of one." 

"That  _was_ my full sprint," Si protests, referring to the much slower than usual 'sprint' she'd given him when he'd told her to do eighty-five kilometers a few days ago. "Just...not my current one. The one I had three months ago." 

Nigg glares. "Stop protesting and go!" 

Galvanized into action, she rolls her eyes and does just that. 

 

* * *

 

It's now been four months since she started training with Nigg, which puts them into early July. She has six more months, give or take the few weeks it'll take her to get from this place to Yorknew. 

The past four months, she reflects, staring out into the calm waters of the crystalline lake she found herself sitting by, have been months of greater change than she ever thought herself capable of. She can lift almost three tons above her head now without Nen- and Nigg believes she'll be able to increase her strength even more after that. Every single muscle in her body feels like steel from the constant running, swimming, leaping, and lifting, and her non-Nen duels with Nigg have progressed to the point where she can get a few blows in every single time. 

If this is the amount of change to be obtained from four months' work, how much will be gained from six more? 

Then Si scowls, glaring down at her reflection. The one grey part of her silver lining is her Nen training. Somehow, despite the two hours of weight training, at _least_ 70-kilometer runs, and two hour long non-Nen duels, Nigg manages to fit in thirty minutes of Ten meditation, three hours of Ren (she swears it increases every week), and around three hours of Nen dueling. By the time they finally get to Nen at around noon, Si's already exhausted and in no mood for three aching hours of Ren. 

If Nigg would just let up on her physical training, she knows she'd be sailing ahead in her Nen training. In her mind, the only reason she's not doing as well as she could be is because of exhaustion. But Nigg firmly believes that no matter how tired one is, their performance should be the same- "what if an enemy catches you when you're tired?" he'd asked. "They're not going to stop just because you're tired, you idiot. If anything, they'll take advantage of it." 

The faintest trace of  _something_ whispers into Si's head. She jerks, spinning around to see Nigg grinning down at her, looking a little pleased beneath his mask of mockery. "You're getting better at detecting Zetsu," he comments. "Maybe one day I'll have to conceal more than a _quarter_ of my aura!" 

She rolls her eyes. "Is that supposed to be a dig at my perception, or an admittance of your pitiful aura?" 

"Why you...!"

She puts her hands up in placation. "Is there a reason you wanted to sneak up on me?" It's almost eight at night; the sun is dipping over the horizon, reflecting into the waters. Si had thought training had been finished for the day. After working her butt off for over twelve hours, she's exhausted. But knowing Nigg, he's probably trying to squeeze in some more training. For such a seemingly reluctant teacher, Nigg seems to find some sort of weird pleasure in giving her nigh-impossible exercises. 

He shrugs, seemingly without care. But Si's worked with him for four months; she's learned to read his emotions at least a little (in her defense, reading Nigg is like trying to discern what the cracks in a stone wall are supposed to mean). "Your Ryu is getting better; the only basic techniques you have left to learn are En and In, and neither are necessary for most people. I will teach you En, of course, but unless you think you're going to use it daily, the time it will take to teach you In will be wasted." 

She nods slowly. _Is there a point to all this,_ she wonders,  _or is he just rambling on like he does sometimes?_

"You have tolerable Ko and Ken, and although your Shu could use work, I want to which techniques we should focus on."

Understanding comes.  _He wants to know my Hatsu, or perhaps my Nen category._

"Do you have a Hatsu?" 

Si nods slowly. "Two. But I don't think they're right for me anymore." Nigg doesn't press, but somehow Si feels like she should continue. "When I first made them, I was being pressured by my old Nen teacher, who was an Enhancer. He thought Enhancing was the only right way to use Nen. I thought that if I protested, he'd refuse to keep teaching me, so I kept silent." 

"You aren't an Enhancer then?" Nigg asks, nodding a little as if confirming something he'd already suspected. "Well, what are you?" 

She looks down. Braces herself. "I don't know." 

Dead. Silence.

"YOU  _WHAT!?"_ Nigg's practically red in the face, aura echoing his disbelief in a way so powerful Si has to scoot away from him on the grass. "You're telling me you don't know your Nen category!?" 

"That's right." Maybe if she jumps into the lake, the water will distort Nigg's aura...

"That's it," Nigg declares. She turns pale.  _Is he going to stop teaching me?_ But Nigg just stares her straight in the eye and says, "Go find a glass. We're going to find out right now." 


	19. Rain and Mountain Air

Nigg's being strangely quiet as he dashes around, futilely looking for a glass. Si just watches him, bemused. She's heard of water divination, but has yet to ever see it performed in real life. Her old teacher hadn't thought it was important: Enhancing was the most balanced form of combat, so why shouldn't everyone just be Enhancers? Si hadn't liked it; she'd felt her fingers itch with the desire for  _more,_ for an ability that was hers, but he was her only chance at any kind of training and she couldn't risk it. 

An exasperated groan comes from Nigg's direction. "Fine," he mutters. She turns around just in time to see the glow between his outstretched palms form into a crystalline glass. Her eyes widen involuntarily. This is the first Nen he's used other than Ren and Ten; is he a...Conjurer? But even if he is, just conjuring up a glass like that isn't easy. Generally in order to conjure something that quickly, you must have weeks of experience. 

 _Either Nigg regularly conjures up glasses,_ she thinks,  _or he's...he's even more powerful than I thought._

"What?" said man inquires gruffly as she continues to stare at him in shock. "Go look somewhere else for entertainment, dummy." 

"Do you normally conjure glasses?" she can't help but ask. 

Nigg looks down at the offending object. "This is my first time," he tells her. "Didn't turn out as well as I would've liked, but it's passable." 

 _Passable!?_ It looks perfect to her! But she says nothing, just watches as he walks past her and fills the glass up with lake water. He glances around briefly for something else- she can't figure out what until he runs past. The land surrounding the lake itself is barren of trees, but several yards away a small copse of deciduous trees grow, bending slightly in the mild breeze. It's to this copse that Nigg runs and grabs a leaf from one of the trees.

"Since we don't have a table and I don't feel like conjuring one up, we'll do this sitting down," Nigg tells her as he walks back up. Somehow not a single drop of water seems to have spilled from the glass, despite all his running. He sits himself on the ground and balances the cup on the grass, looking at her like she should be doing something. After a moment Si turns red, copies him, and sits down across from him.

"Put your hands around the glass and activate Ren." 

She raises an eyebrow. Nigg sighs. "Just do it."

"What's going to happen?" 

"Depends." 

Starting to grow frustrated, Si bites out, "Depends on what?" When Nigg doesn't respond, she gives a groan and caves in, cupping her hands around the glass. She takes a slow, deep breath. Then she activates Ren. 

The water slowly begins to rise out of the glass, swirling in eddies and streams, the leaf floating on top of the largest rivulets. Si's eyes widen in awe as she watches the water drift higher and higher until all of it's out of the glass, until it's no longer constrained by anything. For the briefest instant she feels powerful. Limitless. Like she could do anything she wanted. She slowly moves her hands away from the glass, intent on directing the water-

Then the moment passes. The water, the leaf, all come tumbling back down to the ground, splashing both Nigg and Si in the process. The awe, the power she'd been consumed by just a moment before fades and she becomes human again. Just a normal human with normal powers. 

"What..." she breathes out. Her voice cracks, so she tries again. "What...was that?" 

When she looks over at her teacher for help, he just shrugs. "Looks like you're a Specialist." 

Something inside her clicks at his words like it's what she'd been waiting to hear all her life. But she raises an eyebrow. "How do you know?" 

Nigg nods his head at the remains of the glass, water, and leaf. "If you'd increased the volume of the water, you would've been an Enhancer. Transmuter's the taste, Conjurer's an object, like a mineral, inside the water, Emitter's the color, Manipulator's moving the leaf. But you didn't do any of that, so you're a Specialist." 

"But how do you know I'm not a Conjurer or a Transmuter?" she questions. "Or, hell, even a Manipulator. I did move the leaf, after all. And you haven't tasted the water, so how do you know?" 

Nigg gives her an exasperated look. "No Conjurer, Transmuter, or Manipulator I've ever seen could do what you did. The water is  _not_ supposed to move out of the glass unless it's from an Enhancer's overflow. And that most definitely was not an overflow. You were controlling the water, which would make you a Manipulator, except that Manipulators control the leaf, not the water."

"But still, you haven't taste-"

"YOU'RE NOT A TRANSMUTER!" Nigg roars. "Goddammit, just accept you're a Specialist already! What's your problem!?" 

She puts her hands up in defense. "Calm down," she mutters, "Just wanted to make sure. I don't have a problem with being a Specialist." She hesitates for a second in order for Nigg to cool down. "So what do we do now? This hasn't exactly given me an ideas on a Hatsu. I mean, what can Specialists even do?" 

Nigg grins, eyes suddenly bright with that familiar excitement. "Anything." 

She raises an eyebrow. 

"Seriously. You can do anything. You could harness the wind and learn how to fly. You could steal other people's Nen, or suppress it, or even tear it away. You could go invisible or make it so you never need food again. The lines between a Specialist and all the other categories are blurred. Many Specialists have abilities impossible to do in any other category, but some have ones that are a lot like Enhancing or Manipulating or any other."

"What's the difference, then?" 

"You exist outside any normal Nen category," Nigg says after a moment. "Your control over the other five categories is...iffy, at best. Some Specialists control all five at 100% efficiency- that's their Specialist ability. Some can't use any other categories at all. For some, they can use Manipulation and Conjuration at 80% efficiency, Emission and Transmutation at 60%, Enhancing at 40%- as if they're part of the Nen circle. But again, not all. Specialists...have no boundaries. Have no rules." 

"Sounds cool," she says slowly, "But that still doesn't give me any idea on what my Hatsu should be." 

Nigg shrugs. "It can take a while. Some people never find one that's theirs, but I would recommend finding one that suits you as soon as possible. If your Hatsu doesn't compliment you, your strengths, your weaknesses, you won't last long in any battle. What are your current Hatsu?" 

She frowns down at the ground. "Flashpoint, which enhances my speed and reflexes, and Fountain of Life, which enhances my healing abilities." 

"How well have they worked so far?" 

Si shrugs helplessly. "I don't really have a reference point. Those are the only abilities I've ever had. But...well." She runs a hand through her hair. "They've never felt right. Every time I use them, it feels like my Nen is being restrained, almost. Like it wants to get free?" She lowers her head. Great. She just gave Nigg a perfect opportunity to taunt her. She seriously doubts he'll agree with her that Nen has feelings of its own. 

But the next words that come out of his mouth aren't mocking. "Nen is your life force, but it also has a life of its own. It was probably trying to tell you that what you were doing wasn't right for you." 

She nods. As she's biting her lip, trying to think of what to say next, Nigg gives her the grin she knows as his I'm-about-to-tell-you-something-you'll-hate grin. "Since you're a Specialist and we don't know the full extent of your powers, we need to find them out as soon as possible. So we're going to go through each category and see how you do." 

Although it sounds tedious, Si doesn't really get why he gave her that smile. Surely it won't be  _that_ bad? But then Nigg continues without even a glance at the rapidly darkening sky, "Starting right now." 

 

* * *

 

That night and the following day consist entirely of trying to find out Si's efficiency in each of the Nen categories. Since she'd already been using Enhancement Hatsu, Nigg decides to start there. He starts by telling her to form up Ko and focus on making it as large as possible, then to hit him with it. After using Enhancement for so long, Si's used to the restrained feeling that comes with using it- like there's a rope around her neck, too tight to be entirely comfortable. After hitting Nigg once with her Enhanced Ko, he frowns.

"Do it again." She does so, but the frown doesn't slip off his face; if anything, it deepens. "Again."

After the fourth time, Nigg holds up a hand to stop her. He's still frowning, looking a little puzzled. Even though Nigg is hardly bruised, his clothes are in tatters from Si's Ko and he absently rips the remains of his turban out of his hair. "That's weird. I know I have an exact knowledge of your physical strength and of your Ren, so there's no way I could be getting this wrong..." he trails off, muttering something so quietly she can't hear.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" 

He stays silent for a few seconds longer. "No," he says at last, "Not wrong, per se. Just...unprecedented." He looks back up and throws her a grin. "You have 70 percent Enhancement efficiency!" 

"70 percent?" Si asks slowly. "I thought they came in increments of 20?" 

Nigg nods, looking positively  _bubbly._ "Yes, that's what they're supposed to come in, but obviously some Specialists are an exception. I know there's absolutely no way I got my calculations wrong, which means you're something I've never seen before!" He speaks so quickly Si can barely understand what he's saying. "I've never seen anything like this in my entire life, Si! This is amazing!" 

Just as Nigg's prone to insulting her excessively, he also gets bouts of...excessive enthusiasm. Si finds them almost as taxing as his insults. "Let's move onto Transmutation then," he says after a moment. "I want to see you change your aura to water." 

Three hours later, Si's only just barely managing to transmute the smallest bits of moisture into her aura. The moment she tries to move them around, they fizzle out weakly. Even worse, every time she tries to transmute, she gets an accompanying feeling of nausea in her stomach, like she just swallowed a cupful of poison and her body's starting to find out. Finally, she has to give up.

"I don't think this is going to work." 

Nigg just nods. "I'd say 60% efficiency. It would take you three times as long to master this as it would a Transmuter of equal power." 

Next is Conjuration. Si fares the same with it: barely able to conjure even the smallest particles of salt in the glass Nigg gave her. Once he pronounces her Conjuration as 60% efficiency, they move onto Emission. At that, Si experiences a complete and total mindblock. No matter how hard she tries, she can't detach her aura. 

"Come...on!" But she remains stubbornly on the ground, the only thing she has to show for her effort being the growing stiffness in the arm doing a one-handed handstand. In exasperation she flips to her feet and stretches out her aching arm. "Why won't it work? If my Enhancement's a 70, shouldn't this be at least like...a 50?" 

"Like I said, Specialists are strange. There's no chart for how a Specialist deals with the Nen categories; every single one's different. Your Emission looks to be at 20% efficiency, though. If it was 40%, you would've moved at least a little by now." 

Finally comes Manipulation. By this point, the sun is dipping low in the horizon and Si's exhausted- Nigg only let her sleep for five hours after Enhancement training. Using Nen she's not 100% efficient at is both mentally and physically taxing: whenever she used Conjuration, she felt increasingly dizzy, and Transmutation made her nauseous. At this point, she's not sure she wants to know what Manipulation will do to her. 

"Manipulation works better if you use a medium with it. It works especially well if that medium is something you've had for awhile and are extremely attached to." 

After a brief hesitation Si reaches behind her neck and unclasps something, then reaches down into her shirt. She pulls out a slender, silver chain, long enough to drop practically to her breastbone when clasped. "Will this work?" 

Nigg considers for a moment, then nods. "Yes." He doesn't ask questions; something Si's grateful for. Even though she'd lost the accompanying charms years ago, the simple silver chain, a gift from Hisoka, is something she's never been able to get rid of. When he left her she'd thrown it into the fire in a rage, but somehow it had remained unharmed throughout the years. Once she'd learned Nen she'd realized why: somehow, the necklace was charmed with Nen to be well-nigh unbreakable. After awhile, she'd finally started wearing it again, more for the familiar comfort of the weight against her chest than anything. 

"Put it on the water." 

"Won't it sink?" she protests, nevertheless moving to do just that.

"Not if you're any good at Manipulation. You'll be using the necklace's contact with the water as your medium to control the water." 

Hesitantly, she places the necklace into the lake water. It sinks immediately. Instead of panicking, Si focuses and finds with a thrill that she can sense where her necklace is in the surrounding water. Her stomach gives a strange flutter- most likely the side effect of using Manipulation Nen- but it's easily the most pleasant sensation she's had yet in learning the five categories. 

Si closes her eyes, reaches out her hands. She concentrates and gives a blind shove, eyes snapping open when she hearsa splash and sees the remnants of a small wave hit the surface. She grins, reaching down into her Nen again and watching this time as first ripples, then waves emerge and the necklace surges to the top of the water. 

"Try to form some sort of shape with the water," Nigg instructs.

It takes several tries but she manages to shape the water into an arcing wave and hold it there for a brief instant before her control breaks and the wave shatters. Her grin grows wider and she looks back at Nigg. "Think that's an 80?" 

He nods, looking the slightest bit pleased. "We'll be working primarily with Enhancement and Manipulation until you get an idea for your Specialist Hatsu. Until then, no slacking off your physical training." He waggles a finger at her reprovingly. "I want to see five tons by next week, you hear me?"

"But-"

"NO BUTS!" Nigg yells, glaring at her. "I said you will, so you will!"

Grumbling, Si bends down and retrieves her necklace, wiping it off on her shirt and hoping it won't tarnish from its exposure to water. "Anything else, o master mine?" 

Nigg gives her an innocent smile. She promptly regrets asking at all. "85 kilometers. Full sprint." 

 

* * *

 

Like many things do, it happens completely by accident.

She and Nigg were practicing high-speed Ryu. Hers is still far rougher and slower than it needs to be, but it's enough that she can hold her own against Nigg (going extremely easy on her, of course). If their non-Nen fights (yes, at five months in, he's still making her do them) could be compared to the speed of a car, these fights are barely the speed of someone sprinting to catch up with said car. 

The one good thing about the slower speed is that Si's quickened reflexes now almost always prevent her from being caught off guard. Nigg manages to beat her up every single time, but at least she can tell where he's coming from. It's not much consolation, but it is still some. 

However, that also means that if she's ever caught off guard, her reaction will be that much more intense. And, in the end, that's exactly how it is. 

It had actually started out as an okay day- not any better or worse than most. Nigg had sent her out for an agility run (translation: sprint for around an hour straight while running through trees and dodging projectiles Nigg throws at her) that morning, then skipped weight training for an extra hour of dueling. After that, it was Ten meditation, Ren, then Ryu. Nothing odd or strange happened to make Si any jumpier than usual. 

The one difference is Nigg. He's, for whatever reason, in a strangely bad mood that day, so as they start Ryu and she gets thrown backwards, Nigg throws an insult her way. It's nothing she hasn't heard before but it's hardly merited for something that happens every day, so she hisses something back. It all just escalates from there into a full-out shouting match, complete with Ryu-blocked punches and kicks on both sides.

"That was uncalled for!"

"It was true!"

"I've had enough of you insulting me for no good reason. You need to shut the hell up befor-" 

"You ought to be thankful I'm even  _teaching_ you! You're hardly the best or brightest I've ever seen!" 

"You  _bastard!"_ She throws every ounce of her aura into her fist and sends it straight at him. She knows it's a terrible idea, but she's too mad to process correctly. Nigg calmly catches her in the stomach, sending her flying backwards several dozen yards. 

"How many times have I told you not to do that? You're just a stupid, weak little bitch whose only good point is her looks!" 

Si picks herself off the ground and throws herself at him, wanting nothing more than to strangle him right then and there. She screams out a long string of curses and lands a solid hit on him- one of the first Nen-based hits she's managed to land. Nigg continues on insulting her, but it's when he brings up her friends that she snaps. 

"No wonder your friends died," he yells at her, face flushed in anger and exertion. "You always have been and you always will be too weak to save anybody!" 

Something inside her goes cold at his words. She feels curiously detached; the previous fury suddenly silenced. She wonders, for a moment, if he's right. If she truly is too weak. But she stares at him and finally her insides begin to thaw once more. Nigg's wrong. She  _is_ strong enough. She will not take this sitting down. 

Without really knowing what she's doing, Si reaches out her hand _._ All of a sudden she can sense something- no, two somethings. Something cold and purple surrounds her, smelling faintly of rain and mountain air. The other is further away, around Nigg. It's bold, as deep brown and steadfast as tree bark, so powerful that she would've shied away from it at any other time. 

And then she realizes what they are. Her Nen, and Nigg's Nen. She can feel them, can see them at a level deeper than she ever could before. 

Nigg lunges towards her, brown aura focusing in one specific point. She reaches out her hand and the Nen moves backwards, taking his arm with it. Just like that.

Si stares at him blankly. He stares back. Neither move, unwilling to break the spell of whatever in the world she just  _did,_ but finally Si falters and Nigg's aura frees itself. His fist smashes straight into her and she skids backwards on her butt. 

"What was that?" she asks him as she picks herself back up and walks towards him again.

"I don't know." 

She can't see it anymore, can't see vibrant purple or steadfast brown. But she can sense it still; can sense both at a level she couldn't before. She understands how Nigg's aura works at a primal level. She understands how to  _control_ it. 

"Nigg, can you go into Ko?" 

He gives her a quizzical look but does so. She stares at the condensed aura, trying to figure out how to manipulate this. Everything she's ever been taught about Nen is telling her this is impossible. She can't control other people's Nen. That would be like controlling  _them,_ their very life essence. Not even Manipulation Nen can go this far. 

She clenches her fist and pulls back, feeling stupid that she's basically grabbing and pulling around air. But Nigg's aura moves towards her, and with it, Nigg himself. She purses her lips and pushes her palm against the air. He and his aura move backwards. 

"Nigg, are you...do you see...?" 

"Your Specialist ability." Nigg tries to look matter-of-fact, but his eyes are too wide to look casual. "I've never heard of Specialists controlling other people."

"I don't think it's that," she says. "Go into Zetsu." Once he does, she tries it again. Nothing happens. She can still sense his aura but it's much fainter this time, buried inside Nigg. 

"You think you're controlling my Nen?" 

Si nods slowly. 

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" Their earlier fight completely forgotten, Nigg's eyes light up and he grabs her by the shoulders, shaking her. "This is completely unheard of! No one's  _ever_ done anything like this in all the time we've known about Nen! Si, you're amazing! Just think of what you could do with all this! You could stop someone's Hatsu, you could disrupt their Ryu, you could learn to detect their aura even in Zetsu, maybe! Oh, wait, what if you could even take away other people's Nen? Think of the possibilities, Si!" 

Despite herself, Nigg's enthusiasm is contagious and she finds herself grinning along with him. But finally she forces herself to sober. "This still doesn't help me pinpoint a Hatsu, though." 

Nigg considers for a moment. "I can't tell you what to do, obviously. But you have the power to control people's Nen to some extent. I think we should find out how far your power goes without using Limitations. Then, you need to decide what you want to do with it." 

Si thinks of all the helpless people she's seen in her life; strangers, her friends, herself. She thinks of all the people who'd hurt and harassed the innocent. And she thinks of Illumi; of just how this power could be used against him. Could maybe be used to stop him from hurting anyone ever again. 

"I think I have an idea," she says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last official chapter of this fic. After this, there will be an epilogue, but obviously the whole Hisoka thing can't be solved in an epilogue, so I'll probably begin a sequel. Said sequel will start with Yorknew Arc and maybe dip into Greed Island and Chimera Ants, although I haven't decided yet. What I can confirm will be happening in the sequel is Si finding out who Hisoka is, as well as the reveal of why Hisoka left her in their past and what their relationship was like.   
> Thank you for reading this far. Out of everything I've written, this fic has probably gotten the largest response across the board of any fic I'm proud of writing (I had a couple of badly written fics that got some really good views...not really sure why in hindsight tbh), so thank you so much for being a part of that response and for taking the time to get through the colossal amount of words this fic has.


	20. Epilogue

**November 13**

 

Nigg examines her with a thoroughness she's unaccustomed to having directed at her. He shoves his hands in his pockets and finally gives her a nod. "You're ready," he says at last. "I can sense it." 

Si smiles, but it isn't a gentle smile. It's fierce and powerful, just like the rest of her. Today she came the closest to beating Nigg she's ever come in all the months she trained with him. Both of them knew instantly that it was the sign they'd been waiting for for the past month. Si is finally ready. 

"Where will you go now?" she asks him.

Nigg shrugs. "Anywhere, I suppose. Everywhere. Maybe I'll check up on you in a couple months, just to see that you haven't gotten yourself killed." She rolls her eyes. "Si? Good luck. Be careful. The people you'll be facing in Yorknew City are very dangerous. They could kill you easily if you aren't careful."

She nods slowly. Nigg has always had this strange foresight that's accurate enough she wonders if it's his Nen ability. "Is that concern I hear?" she teases after a moment, grinning at him. "I didn't know you actually cared." 

Nigg huffs. "I spent months with you. It'd be really annoying if you die on me a few weeks after I finally get rid of you. Then I'd have spent all this time for nothing." 

Her smile softens a little. Impulsively, she reaches forward and hugs him tightly, suppressing a laugh as Nigg just sits there awkwardly, not quite sure what to do. "Thank you," she says after a moment. "Thank you for everything." 

"No need to get sentimental," he grumbles, disentangling himself from her. Then he, too, softens. "But you're welcome." 

And so Si waves goodbye and walks away from him and towards Yorknew City. She knows what's ahead of her won't be easy. But somehow, she isn't scared anymore. 

 

**November 30, Yorknew City**

 

She stands inside Yorknew city at last. Around her bustles thousands of people, jostling her with elbows and briefcases. After ten months she's finally here, one week before the world's largest auction was to start. Si looks around at the street, examining each person for Nen as had become her custom. Gyo is practically unnecessary for her now with her Specialist Hatsu; she can tell almost anything about someone's aura just by glancing at them.

Yes...thanks to Nigg, she has become stronger than she'd ever hoped. Perhaps not as strong as Illumi or Esu- no, their strength is unreachable in the span of a few months. But she is not the fragile girl she was before, when Illumi had taken advantage of her, or the scared girl she was before, during the Hunter Exam.

She is Si, and she is strong. She will not be weak again. 

It had taken her months: months of sweat and broken bones and tears. Si had despaired of anything at times, had decided trying any further was hopeless. But she had pushed through, and now every drop of blood, every tear has finally paid off. 

She pulls out her phone and clicks on Gon's contact. "Hey Gon, are you in Yorknew yet?" 

 

**November 31, Yorknew City**

 

So they'd all learned Nen during those ten months. Killua and Gon's auras are still shaky- like Si's had been before Nigg. Kurapika is knife-strong, and his red eyes speak of vengeance for his people. Of revenge against the Phantom Troupe who'd slaughtered them. 

And Leorio...

Well, at least he'd learned Ten. 

She hears their plans: Gon and Killua's to buy Greed Island, Kurapika's to catch the Spiders at the auction. Kurapika's brutal and bloodthirsty now, the fury in his eyes and veins clearer than ever. It's unnerving, but Si understands that rage. She'd felt it too, mingled with loss and guilt. Killua is colder and more confident, but still reticent to fully engage with anything. Gon's confidence and determination is the same as ever, the only comfort Si feels in the gathering darkness of Yorknew. 

For there is indeed a storm brewing in Yorknew City, and Si can feel it coming. Kurapika's violent hatred and rage will not rest until he silences the Spiders once and for all. Sometimes she wants to ask him, "What happens after that?" but she knows that he would have no answer.

Si watches with her friends, and she waits. For she knows that Esu is watching them all, just as surely as the Spiders and Illumi are. All of them are waiting, waiting for the first one to snap. Si is determined it will not be her. 

Sometimes, her head still throbs when she thinks of Esu. Sometimes as she practices Manipulation Nen with her necklace, her head stings or aches or pulses in agony. She's walked away from Esu once, leaving the mystery unsolved. She refuses to do it again. This time she will discover what is behind that joker's mask, what's behind the layers of makeup and ridiculous clothing. Nigg taught her how to fight and, most importantly, how to win. She will not be afraid of Esu anymore. She will not cower at Illumi's feet. 

They walk through the streets of Yorknew, the five of them. Leorio and Gon are discussing ways to raise money while Kurapika remains silent, scheming. Killua and Si exchange bored glances, but then her eyes wander past Killua's and she stiffens.

Pale as death, hair red as fire and an unnerving smirk on his face. It's Esu who's watching her from the shadows, Zetsu so perfect Si never would've detected it if it hadn't been for her new powers. She makes eye contact and refuses to avert her gaze, watching as his eyes widen and his smirk grows larger. 

"There's Esu right there," she murmurs and Kurapika instantly follows her gaze. But Esu turns away and the next moment he's gone. Si watches him go and turns back to her friends. "Esu is mine," she says coolly, enduring the surprised looks from her friends. "Kurapika gets the Phantom Troupe; I get Esu."

She stares after him, calculating. She _will_ unravel the mystery that is Esu. She  _will_ fight him, if necessary, and she will win. 

She is Si, and she is no longer weak. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After five months, this fic is finally complete. At over 75k words, this is officially the longest work I've ever written, and also the most reviewed. Thank you so much to everyone who has read this, and double thanks to everyone who's commented. I'm not entirely sure if I'll be writing a sequel since that's a lot of commitment and I'm not even all that into Hunter x Hunter anymore, but who knows? I'll have a ton of time on my hands over the summer and I might just surprise myself.   
> Thank you once more, and God bless you all!


	21. Author's Note

This is just to let all who are interested know that the first chapter of the sequel to this fic is now posted. It's called Queen of Spades, and will run through the Yorknew City and Greed Island arcs. In it, you'll get the full backstory:of Hisoka and why he left; and of Illumi and what he did to Si and co. Reader/Si will also find out who Esu is and there will be a reveal of her Nen abilities (I personally think they're really cool). 

So basically, lots of stuff will be happening. If you're interested, just click on the series link below and it'll take you to where Queen of Spades is. I hope any readers of it enjoy!


End file.
